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  1. 71 points
    About time for a thread like this. I took about 4 grams of shrooms (twice as much as you should on your first time) in early january. Before that all I had done was drink and smoke weed a few times. I tripped really hard, I was in a completely diferent dimension talking to people who don't exist, and time had no meaning. At one point I became really scared that I wasn't going to come back and began freaking out trying to physicaly claw my way back into this world while my eyes were closed. Still the next morning I was fine and I looked at the trip in a positive way. Three weeks later I smoked a little and the night after that I drank a little. The night after the night I drank I woke up from a really messed up dream shaking with really bad anxiety. For the next week I had horrible anxiety and sleep issues (hynagogic hallucinations and such) but no other symptoms. After a week it went away but then a few days later it came back with all that stuff plus 24/7 visual snow and some after-images and some derelization. The next two months were hell but then things started to improve. After 4 months I was feeling a lot better and could ignore HPPD pretty easily, after 6 months I was basically back to normal. It's been almost 7 months now and I still have some very minor symptoms. I am more anxious/moody/prone to depression than I was prior to HPPD but its still improving and I'm confident that these symptoms will completely dissapear soon. In certain lightings I stilll get visual snow but its so minor that if it had never been worse I would think it was just a normal thing that everyone had. Ocasionally I'll get a random visual (like an afterimage or something weirder), but its getting increasingly more rare and honestly might also be normal. I dream vivid dreams all night long it seeems now but thats not really a bad thing. I still have some Hypnagogia issues, I kinda start dreaming while I'm still awake and had a little sleep paralysys a week ago (I thought i was dead), its really hard to explain but its not a problem as long as it doesn't get worse. I also get CEV when I'm trying to sleep sometimes but those are fun now that they aren't there all the time. I didn't use any prescriptions to get to this point, just eating healthy, taking vitamins, exercising, and most importatly ignoring my symptoms and believing that they will go away. Good Luck!
  2. 59 points
    what are some of your experiences with breaking the news to your parents? how do you tell them? how have they reacted? i know i have to tell them at some point but don't know what to expect or what a good way to say it would be... :/
  3. 52 points
  4. 34 points
    Heres a good write up/explination of whats going on when hallucinogens or neurotransmitters enter the synapse. The adjacent neuron’s postsynaptic membrane appears as an elaborate, thickened complex of interlinked proteins gathered on the surface of a dendrite, which is one of the many arborizing extensions of a neuron. Neurotransmitter receptor binding alters the electrical potential of the dendritic membrane, which processes spatially and temporally the incoming barrage of synaptic impulses to form a signal directed toward the cell body. The dendrite receives both excitatory and inhibitory synaptic inputs. Once a sufficient number of receptor binding events occurs and threshold is reached, the postsynaptic neuron then fires an action potential. That momentary electrochemical flux becomes one nod from one neuron among the brain’s hundred billion.1,2
  5. 9 points
    Here is my success story. I really hope this helps people because when I first got HPPD almost 4 years ago at age 23 I was a total train wreck and thought I would never get my life back. I am certain that this forum played a huge role in saving my life because for a long time I was seriously worried that I would have no other way out than to take my own life. This was definitely my darkest time and it makes me a little sick to think about it but I feel like I owe it to all the kids out there who are suffering. I'll get to the point. I took mushrooms for the first time ever and I flipped out. There seems to be a pretty standard story to this...total fear, a feeling that the trip will never end, it was a feeling I had never felt before. In my mind, I went to hell if it does exist. I woke up the next day feeling wierd, just off, sort of empty. I didnt think it anything serious until a week later, on new years day, I woke up after a night of partying in Las Vegas, and I knew something was wrong, I was sick, I was throwing up, and I was terrified, my vision was changing before my very eyes, everything was moving, and I knew something was wrong, the first thing I thought when I got up...the mushrooms were coming back to get me. I tried to tell myself it would be ok, that I was just sick from drinking, but it didn't stop. I didn't eat for almost a week, and I went to the hospital to get an I.V. to rehydrate me. In the ER, there was a true psychotic woman having an episode, It terrified me, because I felt I could somehow relate to her. I thought I had really lost it and I would never be the same. I'd heard of people "freaking out" and stories from the 60s, musicians like Brian Wilson going nuts on acid ect. and I starting thinking I was one of them now. I went home and felt so empty, but I couldn't even cry. My parents came back from a trip they were on, and it was like I didn't even know them, I was in my own little world. Things that were familiar were foreign to me, nothing was the same. As I worried more, things got worse, I started having panic attacks daily, I couldn't sleep, and my visual symptoms got worse. I had horrible headaches, nausea, paranoia, depression, visuals, the whole nine yards. At this point I think i was pre depersonalized, the panic was very strong, and it drove me deeper into a state of numbness. I was having terrible nightmares when I did sleep, finally, I think my mental anguish drove me into a state of numbness, where I couldn't feel anything around me, just like a zombie. I would say this was about 4-6 months into it. I started seeing therapists, and it helped a bit to have someone I could talk to because I didnt have anyone. None of my friends got it, and I was scared to tell my parents. At that point I wasn't even sure if they were real. I started reading on the forums, and this was a real game changer. I started to learn about some of the things that were happening, like the depersonalization/derealization, anxiety, ect. But more than that, I learned that there were people just like me, that I could talk to and would understand me, and even better that some people had survived it. This gave me what I needed, a little hope. Something to AIM for, a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course I was unsure and skeptical that I would get better, but at this point, in what seems like a rather odd reasoning, I decided that I couldn't be any worse off, and that the only choice I had was to get better, I really had nothing to lose. I knew it wouldn't happen soon but I thought, hell, I've survived this long (it was probably a year in) I can keep going, so I kinda just put my life on autopilot. I bought myself some time, I said, hey I'm just gonna deal with this day to day, not try to push myself too hard, and maybe in a few years I'll at least be able to function. That was a big deal, I accepted my situation, that it was gonna suck now, and that it would be a long time before I got better. During this time I had a lot of bad days, I also had some good ones. But every time that I had a good day, I kinda put that in my mental bank. Like saving pennies at a time. They add up. I made habit of doing things that would promote overall well being. That meant regular exercise programs, eating better, meditation, and yoga. I began to make steady improvements, I started having more good days, and things looked better for me. Someone once described HPPD as sort of like throwing a stone into the water, a huge splash, then lots of waves, ups and downs, and the slowly get less and less intense and I would totally agree. There was a long period of about 1 1/2- 3 years into HPPD that I began to get frustrated because I would feel great and think I finally beat it, then relapse again, I just wanted to be better, but again, time heals. This coming New Years day will be my 4 year anniversary of the day HPPD and I can say that this is behind me. In fact, I look back on it and I almost don't believe myself. It's almost like it was just a terrible nightmare. Which is how I had hoped I would look back on it some day. I want to put it behind me and never look back. But at the same time I want to help the kids that are on here because I know how terrible they feel and they need help just like I did. I owe it to someone because I survived and I want people to know that you can beat it but it takes work and commitment. I still feel a little lost, like I'm not sure who I am as a person, but I at least feel like I know where I am (haha). I just spent 4 years in a nightmare and now I'm awake. So I will try to offer some advice. The forums are great for helping you out, but don't spend too much time here. Don't spend hours on hours reading about peoples problems, about mental disorders. Education is good but at some point it will only make you more obsessive. Also, there is a lot of negativity here that will bring you down, because people that are on here are mostly here because they are having problems, not because they are doing great. For every 1 success story you will read about 20 horror stories. It's like watching the news, they only report on the bad stuff, you will never turn it on and have the reporter say "hey, everything is great." Again, do stuff that promotes good health, a healthy body is a healthy mind. Get outside and enjoy nature. I found it easier to connect with natural objects. Try to feel the sun, or the breeze on your face, little things like that. They can help you feel alive. Stop doing drugs, alcohol, tobacco, or limit your intake if you can. Smoking weed really made things worse for me. Talk to someone that can offer something positive and will understand your situation. If anyone ever wants to talk, on the phone, email, whatever, hit me up. Believe you can get better.
  6. 7 points
    I am here for several reasons. Foremost, my 23 year old son has HPPD and I am personally touched by this. His struggles parallel what others feel and experience as written here. Living with HPPD is a private hell – seems. It is met with misunderstanding and judgment from an insensitive society and an uninformed professional medical community, generally speaking, with exception of very few doctors who are HPPD champions. It seems most members here are unofficially diagnosed… seeking information what to expect, where to go, how to feel better, lead life unencumbered. What a Godsend this forum is. I am here because I believe HPPD sufferers need advocacy… This means caregivers and the community leaders are needed to speak for them when they cannot, to represent their needs, to make a difference, to carry a torch and make inroads in research and awareness. To YOU, I extend my hands to help, my heart, my time. I am a psychologist, researcher, and writer…. and I care very, very much. So many faces, different places, the stories so similar…. Too little resources, no place to turn, just each other to help. I am only one person, but bring it on… and let’s get started to do something good. Please visit my website, Faces of HPPD www.facesofhppd.com which is established as a project to compile information about HPPD from those who have received official diagnosis and treatment, so that all can learn about living with HPPD. Faces of HPPD is not intended to compete with this forum… but to expand the sharing of resources and knowledge. I hope in some way I can be a force to make a small difference. God speed to each and everyone of you! Doreen Lewis, PhD (in Florida)
  7. 6 points
    I am asking and saying i have a hole life with this shit How wil we doing when we geth old like you now the brain go back wards when we are 50 mayby where slowly recoverig buth when we geth old i hope we are dont easy victims for degenarative disease because are brains are already in bad condition I scare my ass of this
  8. 6 points
    Flashbacks and HPPD: A Clinical-oriented Concise Review Probably the best paper if you want to know what HPPD is and the treatments available. Interesting also the HPPD I and HPPD II concept. I went from a HPPD I to an HPPD II, and I think the division is spot-on. Have a good day! 13_Flashbacks-and-HPPD.pdf
  9. 5 points
    The Visual Snow Syndrome study carried out by Dr Goadsby is close to starting a treatment phase of research . Yesterday Jen Ambrose posted an update ongofundme : https://www.gofundme.com/visual-snow '' Hello Eye on Vision Supporters!I'm sorry that there was such a long delay in hearing from me, but I sustained an eye injury in Feb and am only recently returning to limited computer use. I do have an update from London to share with you. Patients have begun to be qualified and scheduled for testing. Scans are scheduled for May and June at King's College. This is an important phase of research, because what is learned from these scans will determine how we enter into a treatment phase of research. Without this phase of research, we will not be able to proceed to medication testing. With that being said, I've been approached about funding for Dr. Puledda's salary for another year. Dr. Puledda works under Prof. Goadsby and is the primary doctor assigned to the Visual Snow research at King's college. As stated in previous updates we need approximately $70,000 USD per year to employ her. Currently we have only raised $20,000 USD which is a far off sum from what is actually needed to secure her. Almost all of you reading this who have VS have likely undergone an MRI. You have likely seen the very high bill to your insurance, or you have paid out of pocket. It's not uncommon to see bills over $1000. We are very fortunate that King's College covers all of these costs towards VS research. We need to assist them though by being able to pay Dr. Puledda for her time and efforts on our behalf. We would love for you to become a monthly donor and help us achieve our research funding goals. You can sign-up as a monthly donor here:http://eyeonvision.org/donate-to-the-eye-on-vision-foundation.htmlThank you, Jen Ambrose Please everyone make donations!! I know you guys got visual snow syndrome from drugs ( just as the forum info section itself says : drug induced visual snow syndrome ) but the symptoms are the same . A cure could be on the horizon if we start making donations!!! I've posted links about few other rare diseases that have found cures( or are close to finding one) purely by making large donations and not giving up . This is what patient determination and donations can do : https://www.hippocraticpost.com/innovation/gene-therapy-nervous-system-disorders/ https://www.technologyreview.com/s/603832/determined-parents-are-moving-the-needle-on-gene-therapy/ there are some other articles I came across a while back but I don't have the time to search for all of them again . However I hope that the above articles will inspire you to make donations for the visual snow syndrome research. It's the only option we all have left now !!!
  10. 5 points
    Please stop smoking weed.
  11. 4 points
    Hey guys, so lately with NSI-189 and all I've been looking in to neurogenic substances. Maybe some of you have heard of this small molecule. 7,8 dihydroxyflavone (7,8-DHF), is a potent agonist at the TrkB receptor. More about the TrkB receptor here. Here's one study in particular I find interesting: A Synthetic 7,8-Dihydroxyflavone Derivative Promotes Neurogenesis and Exhibits Potent Antidepressant Effect and: 7,8-Dihydroxyflavone and its Derivatives Useful for Treatment of Neurodegenerative Diseases and Drug Reduces the Increase in Fear Caused by Previous Traumatic Experiences in Mice Effect of 7,8 - Dihydroxyflavone, a Small - Molecule TrkB Agonist, on Emotional Learning (a neat PDF, which also mentions that 7,8-DHF protects against kainic acid induced neuronal apoptosis). Questionably legitimate experience: source Longecity topics: http://www.longecity.org/forum/topic/55126-cure-depression-in-3-4-days-study/ http://www.longecity.org/forum/topic/67667-78-dihydroxyflavone/ Group buy: http://www.longecity.org/forum/topic/67693-official-78-dihydroxyflavone-group-buy/ "yadayada" is working on acquiring some too. I went ahead and ordered 1 gram of the stuff from the last link. Some things to consider: No in vivo human studies have been conducted TrkB agonism may cause eventual downregulation There are some concerns of BDNF overexpression being detrimental to one's neurological health Human equivalent dose has been calculated to be around 30mg, so a gram should be enough for a month. May be synergistic with NSI-189 and Cerebrolysin. If you've any questions; shoot. Cheers.
  12. 4 points
    Hello, I'm recovered for 90-95% of this illness, I've suffered with HPPD for a period of 5-6 years . The only thing I suffer from now is chaotic thinking. A good night sleep makes this symptom relative obsolete though. So what did I do, right? HPPD really started to fade when I stopped all the drugs. This includes even smoking and probally drinking coffee. And to eat healthy, and to sport frequently. I think sporting as much as possible is even better. Also thinking postive is important too, try to go on with your life. Try to hit the hard but "good-for-u" roads frequently. What I also personally came across, that the cause of increased anxiety is not related to HPPD. HPPD only makes anxiety worse. Before HPPD kicked in I already had semi social anxiety. Focusing on such pre-existing anxieties is much better then on:"anxiety is from HPPD". A extra tip: I know it's really hard to step out your friend group. I think most friend groups who uses drugs frequently posses this strong loyal or tight band thingies. Specially when you're young, this youth culture kinda is your entire world. I think I'm lucky I converted to christianity in that period of time. I want to say some things about stepping out of such groups. I'm now in my 20's, and now with a more mature mind. I'm really thankfull I'm not in that place anymore. To be frank, I'm attending a good education and hang arround with the good people(I also used to hang arround plain thugs/hoodlums). I know almost certain, If I've stayed in this group I still have HPPD; and I'd be still in that dark corner of society. Some health boosts: I was quite desperate in the times of suffering of HPPD. So I played a bit with anti-oxidants. I discovered that some anti-oxidants helped with HPPD. Which are: L-carnosine, r-fraction alpa lipoic acid and astaxanthine. This above anti-oxidants has the rare behaviour that it acces the brain. Anti-oxidants, simply said, cleans the body of "waste/dump". If you're non-functional withouth coffee, you could try as substitute: Acetyl L-carnitine. It's a natural energizer. If you're having a hard time to stop smoking, ask your doctor if he/she can prescribe champix. Ps: sorry for my spelling & grammar, I'm dutch.
  13. 3 points
    Throughout this ordeal my most distinct an and often most unsettling symptom is when objects, the gound, or walls will move. I shall look at a wall and the whole thing will shift and sway up and down, or like today when I woke up and my cabinets started breathing, sometimes the ground in front of me will move and wave, or the ground appear tilted up or down. Sometimes when I move and it moves differently, it makes me dizzy, it is hard to judge space I am in. I used to be able to feel this movement everywhere, this felt like a vestibular issue, this felt like a vestibular issue and the doctor I went to said probable labyrinthits, which fit the description when I felt dizzy all the time, when I felt like I was walking on a boat in stormy weather. I still find it hard to sand straight with my eyes closed, which again points to a vestibular issue, but I find it most improbable that I developed a vestibular issue and HPPD over the course of the same night. My other visual symptoms came later, afterimages increasing in duration and quantity over the first week, I noticed visual snow after like a month and a half. Do any of you perceive movement? To what extent? Is it just part of walls that breath in your visual snow, or is it like me whose walls will frequently shift up and down, the corners of computer screens shift in and out? I have never found a definite answer about the extent people with HPPD see things move that are not supposed to move. Why I worry is that I show many signs of post trauma vision syndrome (http://www.padulainstitute.com/post_trauma_vision_syndrome.htm) which can only occur after physical brain trauma or stroke, which I am damn certain I did not suffer. It can occur with MS, which can explain all my other symptoms as well, to the point where I should be setting up an MRI with a neurologies to see if it could be, but except my three month bout with true disqualibrium dizziness, I experience none of the common symptoms of MS that you can't just explain away by my anxiety level. I am just terribly confused.
  14. 3 points
    You might have a form of mild hppd or pre-hppd (if you only really see issues when you force yourself to find them, i would call that pre-hppd)... I personally believe that you probably can get hppd from strong weed but that it is far, far more likely you will recover. Stay calm, try to get out and fill your life with fun and interesting things to do,,, you will stop focusing on these issuess more and more
  15. 3 points
    Your story follows a very common theme here, as has been pointed out by above members of this site. I too had symptoms of HPPD from the time I was about 15 until 20. I did a lot of drugs in high school and at some point ended up with visual snow, depersonalization and slight afterimages, all of which are standard HPPD symptoms. After I graduated high school I actually took it easy on drugs my freshman year of college and within a few years I was symptom free. I took a few hallucinogens here and there but was always careful in never taking too much. Well, six years later all it took was a single tab of acid and I was thrown into a world and experience I wouldn't wish on anybody ever in the history of man. It's really clear that you're in a position we all were at one time and ignored. Don't be like us and ignore what your brain is telling you. Drugs don't work for you and your body type. If you keep doing them you'll regret it -- guaranteed. And not only that, you'll regret ever being born. Life on this planet is the greatest gift imaginable. Don't take it for granted. Doing drugs isn't worth it.
  16. 3 points
    You are obsessing, no doubt about it. The likelihood of it getting worse, without any additional drugs, is slim to none. If you are staying away from drugs, then there are only a few things that could make your hppd worse.... SSRIs, heavy amounts of alcohol and stress. Avoid the first two and limit the last and you will not get worse. I would possibly look into CBT or something to try and get past the obsessive thoughts. and no need to apologise about anything... The forum is here to support, not judge.
  17. 3 points
    There's absolutely no reason to be so aggressive and rude. You have a history of it on here, but that's not what this forum is about. If you have a particular opinion, fine, but there's a way of expressing yourself and that's not it. Furthermore, a failure to understand the importance of this study is a failure to understand the scientific process. It is not as simplistic as you make out. I suspect you haven't even read the study, merely the media headline. Science doesn't work by people saying 'based on my experience with LSD, it induces a higher state of consciousness'. No study has ever previously directly demonstrated a 'higher level of consciousness', and indeed the present study also focuses on how this higher level occurs in the psychedelic state. Using one particular scale, they were able to show that if, for example, being asleep is a lowered state of consciousness; being awake is a normal state of consciousness - then based on their measure of brain activity in scans, the psychedelic state is a higher level of consciousness. When we are under anaesthesia / vegetative, our brain signal is relatively most predictable; when we are asleep, our brain signal is relatively less predictable; when we are awake it is even less predictable; and when in the psychedelic state it is least predictable. This holds true for psychedelic states induced by psilocybin, ketamine and LSD - and based on their differing pharmacology, ketamine in particular, it is somewhat surprising they correspond to the same mathematical measure. We still don't understand what consciousness truly is, and this study clearly will aid in that understanding. This study shows that the psychedelic state is a distinct state of consciousness, as is being awake or being asleep, because of the global changes in brain activity observed (i.e. not linked to a particular region e.g. the visual cortex). We did not know this previously. The study helps to quantify what is going on in the brain following intake of psychedelics, and this will help further our understanding of how these kinds of drugs can be therapeutically effective, and will aid progress in being able to use these drugs to treat mentally ill individuals.The study also helps us to understand the level of our consciousness and what we are conscious of. In the study, the greater the subjective psychedelic experience, the greater the observed change in the state of consciousness using their measure. Our awake conscious experience is probably only about 5% of what we are (the rest being subconscious), so them demonstrating an increase in that conscious experience is exciting (although the study needs to be replicated using other measures). Their stated intention is now to see how differing information flow in the psychedelic state leads to different psychedelic experiences e.g. hallucinations, something that's clearly going to be more of interest to our community. Overall, this study supplements our understanding of how hallucinogens work to produce the experiences that they do. I think it says something that this study has initiated significant excitement for world-leading researchers who work in the area of consciousness and/or psychedelics. I should also say that study used recycled data from the brain scans carried out by Dr Cahart-Harris, Prof Nutt, et al at Imperial. That study was crowdfunded with assistance from the Beckley Foundation, who some members on here were in contact with previously.
  18. 3 points
    I'd say you have what I refer to as pre-hppd... If you have to force it on, then it is in a mild form and will very likely go completely if you stay sober, get healthy, eat well etc. At the very worst, you will just stop looking for it (I have a feeling alot of these visual issues were always there, we just filter them out perfectly, pre-drugs) I went through this stage and ignored it (this was before the internet!)... It can become hellish, but only by pouring fuel on the fire... No point getting stressed about it now though, I'd suggest not even bothering reading further until you try the sober/healthy approach and see what is really going on... but the most important thing is to stay sober. Your body/mind is ringing out alarm bells, you have to listen.
  19. 3 points
    I was in a similar place as you for a long time. I remember when I first got HPPD it was like being transported into another world because my DP-DR symptoms were so severe. I literally thought I was dreaming this all at one point. Everything looked like a cartoon, people looked like they were sculpted from clay and my visual-spacial recognition system was so completely destroyed I couldn't move my eyes anywhere or track anything across my field of vision without a gigantic and long-lasting smear that persisted for sometimes minutes after I took my eyes away from it. I've made tremendous progress since that time and I attribute most all of it to abstaining from drugs and living a healthy lifestyle, especially with regards to eating habits. I don't know what to tell you other than you're not alone, many people here have suffered from intense HPPD and DP-DR and that 1.5 years is nothing in terms of recovering from HPPD. Also, I've been to so many dark places and thought I'd never make it out alive. I don't know how many times I've contemplated suicide, but I've always pulled through, always somehow found a way out and kept on pushing. After two years I'm so happy I did. Though I still have HPPD it's gotten so much better, especially after transforming my diet, and I'm finally in a place where I'm OK from day to day, which I never could say until now. HPPD is a very long road and a very strenuous fight, but as others have already pointed out life is worth living even if difficult. You just need to give yourself time.
  20. 3 points
    Hi all, I haven't been on the boards in a year or three. I find that the less I think about HPPD the less it affects me. And, similarly, the more I'm on the boards, the more the conversations and discussions here loop through my head, and the more frequently HPPD dominates my thoughts. But today I decided to stop by. Why? I wanted to share a small piece of advice. Honestly, I had been thinking of doing this for a while but for some reason, it was so incredibly hard for me to open this forum and log in. Anyways, here I am now. What I want to share is what has worked for me and is what continues to help me. I speak to you from experience. I've found that the less I think of HPPD as a "thing" and the less that I see myself as a "victim" the less I suffer. What that means, is that the less you let this thing called "HPPD" be what identifies you, the less power it has to affect you. I know what this sounds like. It sounds like I'm saying "don't make a big deal out of it." And yes, that actually is what I'm basically saying. And I also know how most people are going to react. "It IS a big deal" or "that's f***ing easy for you to say" and so on. And you're right. HPPD is a big fucking deal and words come easy. However, I'm also a sufferer of HPPD and I know where you are coming from. Your symptoms may be far worse than mine. Or they might not. You don't really know. There are a lot of people suffering in the world. In fact, let me retract that statement--everyone in the world is suffering. You might not be able to perceive it, but there is a not a single breathing creature on this blue planet of ours that doesn't have a considerable dose of suffering. Some people's suffering has to worn on the outside. Do you think it's easy being physically deformed? Others, those like you and me, have to bear our suffering the inside. We may look "normal" and "just fine" to others in the street, or even to family and friends around us, but the amount of suffering we have inside of us is incredible. Indeed, it's mind boggling. And similarly, when we go out in the streets, on the subway, or for a drive and see all the other people going about their lives, you don't know--their suffering may be absolute nothing compared to yours. Or, it may not. Maybe you're is but a bit of spare change compared theirs. You just don't know. A person who has a toothache thinks that is theirs is the most painful type of suffering that can happen to you and the person who has a headache thinks that's theirs is the most painful type of suffering that can happen to you. That's whats called being human. We are all so incredibly self-centered and absorbed in ourselves. So naturally, us HPPDers think that HPPD is the most awful thing that can happen to someone. And maybe that's true. Or maybe it's not. All I know is that I wouldn't wish HPPD on even my worst enemy. But let me get back to my point about not letting HPPD become your identity. Once that happens, once HPPD becomes you and you become HPPD, it's over. Game over. You've started a cycle where you continually feed HPPD and it's ceaselessly grows in power over you. The more you think about it, the more it becomes real. The more you obsess over it, the most it becomes solid. Of course, it's hard not to think about it when the room is melting and and the anxiety feels like it literally about to give you a heart attack. But have you ever wondered why Xanax is so effective. I've noticed that after coming off a panic attack due to xanax my mind is completely clear, like a blue sky without a single cloud. The drug cuts through the snowball effect between the visuals and your anxious thoughts and suddenly you're back to neutral. And after pure hell, what a beautiful place that is to find yourself. And that is the state we have to cultivate. That is the state of mind that we have to start trying to inhabit if we want to live again. And that is where I am now, to be quite honest. I used to be in the deepest reaches of hell and thought I'd never come back. And I'm not cured today either. Hell no. HPPD visuals are always there and will always be there with me for the rest of my life. That is one thing I know for certain. However I consider myself cured because, except for the occasional anxiety attack, I can live and I can be happy. Of course, the visuals are always there if I chose to look for them. But for the most part, I don't pay them any mind. Sorry, visauls, but I'm not going to give you the time of day. So that is how I don't let myself become a HPPD victim. I don't let myself think that I'm the unluckiest person on earth who had to get this terrible disorder when all my friends didn't and still trip all the time. I just see myself as a average guy, just another human being, who happens to have screwy vision and anxiety. Nothing more. If you can start to think of yourself like that, that is exactly what you will become. Likewise, if you think about of yourself as the person on earth with the most suffering, that is EXACTLY what you will be. A guy who seems himself as just another fucked-up guy can go out in to the world. He may be a little awkward, but he can still enjoy the joys and sorrows of life. A guy who see himself as a HPPD Victim has to stay inside his tiny room and suffer as the walls close in upon him. So you have a choice. My choice, and my advice to you, is to not think of yourself as the worst, the unluckiest, or most miserable person out there--even if that is exactly how you feel. When you start to change your mind, you start to change your experience. And hey, you might not be at the bottom anyways. There are a million different ways we can suffer in this crazy world and HPPD is but just one of them. I've been on these boards for ... damn... is it almost eight years now? Maybe more. And there haven't been that many people who killed themselves or died. The only I can remember is Andy, the UK fellow who was a Buddhist. I'm sure there might have been more but compare that with the teenage girl who got blackmailed until her nude photos got leaked online and she committed suicide. Or the people recently in India who lost their life savings when the 500 and 1,000 rupee notes got canceled over night and their family founds them dead the next day. In fact, I have heard a lot more success stories on this board than deaths. So, please, all I want to say is be gentle with yourself. Everyone is suffering too so don't think you're so damn special for having HPPD. You don't know. Maybe one day you'll be like a lot of others on this board who are back to living again. Maybe not. But I think a lot of that depends on you. I'm sorry for my blabbering but this is what has made a serious, long-term improvement in my quality of life, more than drugs or anything else could. I felt terribly guilty not trying to at least say something that might even just help one person even in the tiniest way. I doubt that it has but still I'm glad I finally got up the confidence to log on today and write whatever came to mind. Feel free to take my advice but also feel free to call it bullshit and chuck it out as you see fit. That's all up to you and it honestly don't make one bit of difference to me what you do. You're the one who has to bear the results. I'll make my choices and bear their results. Anways, I'll be back in some time. Please know that I pray for each and every one of your on the boards daily. I'm not sure if helps relieve your suffering but its the best I can do. -Dukkha
  21. 2 points
    You sound somewhat like me. It's been six months, and I can tell you one thing for sure. It gets much much better. In retrospect, I was really shaken and worried and never thought I'd reach this point. So firstly, don't worry - the body and mind are complex and they take time. Just help the process by eating nutritious food, exercise (which you already are doing) and reducing caffeine intake. I would also strongly recommend meditation. I can't possibly explain how much it has helped me. You could probably just download an app to help you get started quickly. I'd suggest the app 'Headspace'. For me, apart from starbursts and very slight sensitivity to light almost all symptoms have gone away. Continue with absolutely not smoking pot. And try staying away from alcohol too, because it does hinder the recovery process, but yeah I did end up drinking a couple of times. Keep yourself occupied and don't worry bud. :)
  22. 2 points
    I received a direct message from a user that popped up in my personal email box today regarding a success story post I made on here several years ago. It's one of the first ones on this thread. The direct message actually surprised me as I pretty much altogether have moved on with my life. I saw there were others that I'd missed and I apologize to those people. I did not mean to ignore you. I was happy to see that my post had given people hope. I thought I'd stop in here to give a brief follow up and update. I'm now a fully functioning human being. I'm not perfect but I don't feel like I have any disorder that didn't exist before my ill fated trip. It's kinda crazy to say but I feel like a stronger, more independent person now post HPPD. I'd never go through that again if I had the choice but for those of you in the middle of this, there is light at the end of the tunnel and even a chance to better yourself. I'm now a graduate student at a reputable university working on my Master's degree. I have prospects of going on to earn a pH.D. I'm proud of myself for having the strength to go on and so should all of you that are staying strong. I'm sorry to neglect the forum for so long but I literally had not thought about HPPD in such a long time. I hope you see that as a positive sign that one day the thought may never cross you mind except when you see an odd email in your inbox God bless you all. I thank everyone on this forum that provided support and I in turn hope to do the same. Red
  23. 2 points
    Hi guys, I only recently found out about HPPD after googling these symptoms ive had for a while after my first acid trip: Up until this point I had only ever smoked weed, did mdma regularly and tried a very low dose of psilocibin mushrooms, I decided to try acid next so I bought and tested a couple of 100μg tabs and planned to take one after work one day. So the trip went fine, i was a little overwhelmed but overall it was a good experience and i planned to do it again soon with my girlfriend until I noticed slight visual hallucinations when I was sober. I thought nothing of it and that it would go away in a few days, well here I am 3 months later lol. I experience most of the general visual effects people describe e.g. visual snow, trails behind moving objects and objects changing color/shape, but mostly breathing/undulating walls/objects. If I stop concentrating on something for 1 second the room surrounding me begins to close in, and wont stop until I look at something else. This makes it very difficult to watch tv or relax in general and im kinda freaking out haha. Also, Ive just completed my exams at school but im afraid i will have failed them the symptoms became much more serious in the exam room and it was hard to concentrate. Also, the effects become much more prevolent when using weed, and the visuals are almost indistinguishable from LSD when using mdma. Thanks for reading guys hope you can provide some insight
  24. 2 points
    If you can avoid drugs, alcohol and stress for the next few months... I think you will start to see improvements.
  25. 2 points
    It's easy to be pessimistic but there's lots of reason to believe HPPD will gain traction in the public eye soon and therefore generate funding, research and a possible cure. First off, the number of people who have HPPD is likely much larger than any of us think and as Visual Snow Syndrome comes into the public conscious many more will likely come out and share their stories. Also, with the renewed interest in studying LSD and other drugs for scientific purposes there will be more awareness of its dangers, including HPPD, which could lead to more interest from the scientific community. And finally, there's just way more awareness of mental health problems in general these days and with an increasing number of states in the U.S. legalizing weed it's only a matter of time before people report more cases of panic attacks leading to DP-DR and HPPD symptoms as well. The biggest problem right now, as I've stated before, is that there's no unity between the Visual Snow Syndrome community, the HPPD community and the DP-DR community. These disorders all overlap and to some extent seem to be cut from the same cloth yet because they're fragmented there's no real opportunity to gain momentum, awareness and funding. It would be greatly beneficial if these communities could somehow come together, acknowledge their similarities and work together to bring awareness to our struggles. There are so many smart and capable people, but unfortunately these conditions are so crippling I think people are often hesitant to try and make stuff happen.
  26. 2 points
    You're basically giving yourself two choices: Smoke weed so you can fit in and risk having severe stress and HPPD the rest of your life, or be open with your friends about your condition, how you're struggling and how you can't do any drugs, and recover and live a normal life again. Try and take a step back and realize how short sighted it would be to smoke again and risk damaging your brain forever.
  27. 2 points
    May 8 will be my two-year anniversary of taking the LSD that gave me HPPD. I remember when I first got HPPD thinking the acid was just hanging around in my system, sorta like a hangover, and that I just needed to give it a few days and it'd be gone. Then days turned into weeks and after two weeks I started to get a bit concerned. I saw a local therapist who had no clue what to do with me and then I eventually saw a psychiatrist who tried to help me with meds which didn't work either. I remember, despite being in a completely surreal 2-D world that resembled a video game more than real life, that I was always hopeful. I thought even though meds didn't help me that there was no way I was going to let this condition beat me, that I'd recover by the end of the summer. Then the months just kept adding up, one after the other after the other. I thought at first six months would be more than enough time to heal, then nine and then a year passed, and now here I am at two years. And I just can't believe it. I truly look at the last 24 months and they seem more like a dream than real life. But perhaps this is because, thanks to DP-DR, it's as if I've been living in a dream every day. I even remember when I first got HPPD actually thinking I was dreaming when I was awake -- that's how bad it was. I've had classic HPPD symptoms this whole time: palinopsia, visual snow, DP-DR, brain fog, tinnitus, etc. Some symptoms, however, are far worse than others. Even though my snow is still fairly prominent I hardly care about it. It's the DP that's the worst, without question. Anybody who doesn't have DP symptoms should be thankful because I'm here to tell you it's a nightmare. I've also had terrible macropsia where objects that are closer appear bigger and my eyes can't really focus on them without getting double vision. Thankfully after two years I've made more than enough progress to be in a position where I can cope day to day, and in general I'm able to go about my day without thinking too much about my condition. When I first got HPPD I literally couldn't go a few minutes without noticing something. Human-to-human interaction was always the worst because not only did people appear lager and more surreal, but my brain couldn't handle back-and-fourth conversations, much less witty banter that I consider the foundation of my persona. I truly can't imagine anything more traumatic than going through severe HPPD. Trauma comes in many different shapes and sizes, but it's the severity and length of HPPD that makes it so unique. Even though I've recovered tremendously since first getting HPPD, even though I've run hundreds of miles, done everything in my power to stimulate my brain, entirely altered my diet and health, read numerous books on brain science and general health and recovery, and prayed to God even though I'm agnostic, it's just no match for HPPD -- not one single bit. And so I've often thought: This is not something we were ever meant to simply get over, to simply heal from after a given amount of time. This condition, whatever it is, is completely and entirely ruthless and stubborn and unrelenting. It just seems like a monstrous boulder that you can't move no matter how hard you push. Whatever it is that's gone wrong in our brains is really, really serious and really, really bad. Not knowing what's gone wrong inside your head and not having anybody to help you or tell you how to heal is a complete health nightmare, on top of the fact that it's so terribly difficult to cope with this condition on a day to day basis. I tip my hat to those veteran HPPDers who've dealt with this for decades. You poor souls are some tough sons a bitches and will likely never get the credit you deserve for having fought this day after day, month after month, year after year -- but I salute you, as do many on this forum. The phrase I keep repeating to myself right now is "I just can't believe it." I just can't believe this happened to me. I can't believe I'm still alive after everything I've been through. I can't believe this was possible in the first place. I can't believe, after two years, that I still have a long ways to go. But the good thing is I'm finally in a place where I can handle this condition. No, I'm not "recovered," but I've healed a lot and though I still have a ways to go I feel I'm finally over the hump, that it's mostly downhill from here even though I'll still struggle and have tough days. I guess after years of giving myself time to heal and understand what I'm dealing with I finally know. I'm one of those people who will take years to recover, maybe three, maybe five, maybe even more. But I still have faith, just as I did the first day I woke up in a totally different reality, that I'll one day be me again. In closing, I'd just like to say, to all those who are in the darkest place imaginable, darker than anything you ever even thought existed: keep fighting. Keep going. Don't stop. When you stop, you die, maybe not literally on a macro scale, but certainly inside, somewhere in your soul or deep inside your brain. I've been there, as have so many others with this condition, and I'm here to tell you life goes on. It gets better. And given the seemingly exponential development in brain science, you should have more hope than ever that someday soon we'll get treatment. Perhaps no cure for a while, but I have great faith we will be anonymous no more, that we will soon see our day in the sun. Sending love to all those who are in pain, Keep fighting and never give up, It will get better, It will get better, -- K.B.
  28. 2 points
    Actually, I said you have pre-hppd because you need to think about them before seeing them. Not because you only have VS. As I said on the other thread... Your best bet is something like CBT to stop the obsessive thinking.
  29. 2 points
    Just thought I'd post this video since its apt to the discussion at hand and mentions the site Sara has linked to above:
  30. 2 points
    Was just browsing Google for LSD-related articles when I stumbled upon this from about five years ago: https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/scicurious-brain/httpblogsscientificamericancomscicurious-brain20110802sciam-chemistry-day-lsd-a-drug-only-as-good-as-its-receptors/ Pretty interesting summary of the brain on LSD. I'm not sure if there's been more in depth studies since then but I feel this is a good starting point for those who don't understand what happens inside the brain on acid.
  31. 2 points
    It's definitely interesting for our group... If we can start to pinpoint areas of overactivity, we can then look to target them with meds, magnets, electrics etc
  32. 2 points
    For me meditation has been extremely helpful. The practice allows me to intercept intrusive thoughts. When some negative thought arrives I can recognize it as being part of me, even welcome it, but i can choose not to unpack the contents of the thought. Over time the negative thoughts don't get exercised and the mental pathways on which they arrive start to atrophy. Just like learning to play a musical instrument, you need to practice.
  33. 2 points
    Never took Klonopin but Jay1 posted his Klonopin routine in another thread. I hope it is still up to date and he does not mind if I post it here: Monday - off Tuesday - off Wednesday - off Thursday 6pm - 1mg Friday 9am - 1.5mg Saturday 9am - 1.5mg Sunday 9am - 1.5mg
  34. 2 points
    Life is hard and it's tough being human. That's reality. However, life is such a miracle (note, I'm an atheist if that's relevant). We're the matter that woke up to bear witness to whatever "this" is. I've learned that perhaps my hppd gives me some insight that others may lack. I understand that day to day life can be difficult with this disorder. I'll be in a meeting at work, holding it together, while all the little dots are grouping into shapes on the table in front of me. It's hard to be normal and I often feel like an alien trying to fit in. But I feel so lucky to be here. The best thing for me was to get focused. When I'm really focused my hppd seems to vanish and I accomplish something that gives me an endorphin bump. It might be something to try. I don't know if what I've written sounds like nonsense but it's what gets me through the grind. I am very grateful for each day I get to wake up and do it again even with the constant hallucinations I experience. We're not lesser human beings because of hppd and we're not bad people for taking drugs to experience non-ordinary reality. We're simply injured. Like someone who has lost a leg or gets cancer we need to adapt and move forward.
  35. 2 points
    I do my meditation practice almost every day and have been doing so for a long time. It helps with mental focus and my hppd is much less pronounced when I'm focused. But that's me. I doubt it can do any harm. You mentioned being 40 years older. It goes by in a flash. Time is strange stuff!
  36. 2 points
    That's great drugs have enabled you to see the world differently but if you don't stop them now you might be that way permanently! Only you can decide what's best for yourself in the longrun but I'd urge you to at least give yourself a break for a while to see if your symptoms persist and to see how much you enjoy it. If you think life is pleasurable with 24-7 visual snow, patterns, headaches, etc., then by all means continue doing drugs. If not, then you might want to steer clear of the drug scene until you're completely healthy, or better yet, forever! You only get one life and one body. You might want to think twice before potentially damaging both forever!
  37. 2 points
    Because any structural changes in HPPD (if they even exist) are too small to see with the resolving power of an MRI, which cannot image or even make any indirect suggestions at the level of individual neurons, other cells or microstructures, which you would think might be more pertinent. An MRI can show atrophy/lesions if they are substantive enough to appear on a scan, but keep in mind practitioners assessing the images from the scan are known to occasionally miss something pertinent e.g. small tumours - this gives you an idea of the limitations of an MRI scan. If HPPD has caused physical damage or changes in the brain then those are too small to see with an MRI.
  38. 2 points
    Seems like this site is more active after a period of latency with a lot of newer members, unfortunately. I thought it might be a good idea to cull some of the more comprehensive and informative threads into one place so people can browse them for information as needed. I'd suggest people add to this thread as they see fit. "Bit of an idea for possible CURE. Has some weight to it." http://hppdonline.com/index.php?/topic/1250-bit-of-an-idea-for-possible-cure-has-some-weight-to-it/& "Finding the cause. To find the cure we need to know the cause." A follow up to the above thread. http://hppdonline.com/index.php?/topic/1438-finding-the-cause-to-find-the-cure-we-need-to-know-the-cause/& "'THE HPPD Stack' - let's create one" http://hppdonline.com/index.php?/topic/3474-the-hppd-stack-lets-create-one/& "Medication Trial: Dr. Abraham" http://hppdonline.com/index.php?/topic/302-medication-trial-dr-abraham/& "Why NMDA antagonism?" http://hppdonline.com/index.php?/topic/2280-why-nmda-antagonism/& "Dear Readers from the Dana Foundation Story:" http://hppdonline.com/index.php?/topic/1921-dear-readers-from-the-dana-foundation-story/#comment-15227 "Has anyone tried Coluracetm" http://hppdonline.com/index.php?/topic/2118-has-aneyone-tried-coluracetam/& "Comprehensive Bibliography I am using" http://hppdonline.com/index.php?/topic/109-comprehensive-bibliography-i-am-using/#comment-409 "The thread about dopamine agonists and supportive agents (e.g. levodopa and reuptake inhibitors)" http://hppdonline.com/index.php?/topic/495-the-thread-about-dopamine-agonists-and-supportive-agents-eg-levodopa-and-reuptake-inhibitors/#comment-2944 "History of HPPD: Section 2 of 5. Available in PDF" http://hppdonline.com/index.php?/topic/306-history-of-hppd-section-2-of-5-available-in-pdf/ "What specifically caused your issues??" http://hppdonline.com/index.php?/topic/738-what-specifically-caused-your-issues/ "RELEASED: Initial Results of COMT-inhibition Study conducted by Dr. Abraham" http://hppdonline.com/index.php?/topic/1346-released-initial-results-of-comt-inhibition-study-conducted-by-dr-abraham/ "dna methylation/epigenetics" http://hppdonline.com/index.php?/topic/680-dna-methylationepigenetics/ "telling parents" http://hppdonline.com/index.php?/topic/241-telling-parents/ "AGGRESIVE ADVOCACY" http://hppdonline.com/index.php?/topic/1003-aggresive-advocacy/ "Success Stories" http://hppdonline.com/index.php?/topic/1267-success-stories/ "Hey! so who all has speech problems due to their HPPD" http://hppdonline.com/index.php?/topic/952-hey-so-who-all-has-speech-problems-due-to-their-hppd/ "before/after HPPD" http://hppdonline.com/index.php?/topic/874-beforeafter-hppd/ MASSIVE HPPD ARTICLE DOWNLOAD ACCESS (30 MOST IMPORTANT FREE) http://hppdonline.com/index.php?/topic/689-massive-hppd-article-download-access-30-most-important-free/ "Alcohol's effect on hppd" http://hppdonline.com/index.php?/topic/501-alcohols-effect-on-hppd/ "Movement" http://hppdonline.com/index.php?/forum/11-symptoms-descriptions-discussion-debate/&sortby=views&sortdirection=desc "Can't feel pleasure. Dopamine receptors destroyed?" http://hppdonline.com/index.php?/topic/1275-cant-feel-pleasure-dopamine-receptors-destroyed/ "Klonopin vs. Xanax vs. Valium - how do they compare?" http://hppdonline.com/index.php?/topic/989-klonopin-vs-xanax-vs-valium-how-do-they-compare/ "My profound experience with levodopa/carbidopa (Sinemet)" http://hppdonline.com/index.php?/topic/479-my-profound-experience-with-levodopacarbidopa-sinemet/ "The big 'if': Coluracetam trial" http://hppdonline.com/index.php?/topic/2236-the-big-if-coluracetam-trial/ "Thiamine Cocarboxylase" http://hppdonline.com/index.php?/topic/5027-thiamine-cocarboxylase/ "people's benzo experiences" http://hppdonline.com/index.php?/topic/578-peoples-benzo-experiences/ "CBD Strains of Marijuana" http://hppdonline.com/index.php?/topic/1417-cbd-strains-of-marijuana/ "Keppra vs. Clonazepam" http://hppdonline.com/index.php?/topic/355-keppra-vs-clonazepam/ Benzo wd syndrome -- psych questioning its validity" http://hppdonline.com/index.php?/topic/1147-benzo-wd-syndrome-psych-questioning-its-validity/
  39. 2 points
    Just because you get symptoms slowly doesn't mean it isn't neurodegeneration. Many neurodegenerative diseases like Alzheimer's and Parkinson's come on slowly over the course of years and even decades. Last week a member of this forum posted a link to the first published study I'm aware of that proved hallucinogens can be neurotoxic: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/14821234_Degeneration_of_Purkinje_cells_in_parasagittal_zones_of_the_cerebellar_vermin_after_treatment_with_Ibogaine_or_harmaline So we now know hallucinogens have the ability to cause necrosis, aka cell death. In addition, we also know many people who get HPPD suffer from anxiety. Science has confirmed that with increased stress follows increased cortisol which creates a surplus of the transmitter glutamate: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3181836/ In addition, we know glutamate produces free radicals which attack and kill brain cells: https://link.springer.com/article/10.1134%2FS000635090905011X But glutamate is also excitotoxic, activating and killing NMDA receptors, which are the same receptors targeted in certain hallucinogenic drugs: https://www.sciencedaily.com/terms/excitotoxicity.htm Finally, it's thought glutamate is the missing link to signal necrosis after ischemia (loss of oxygen) wherein during even a very brief episode of blood loss glutamate is activated and thus triggers cell death: http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0301008213001305 On the topic of blood flow, it's also been noted how LSD and other hallucinogens can decrease blood circulation in certain parts of the brain: http://www.nature.com/news/brain-scans-reveal-how-lsd-affects-consciousness-1.19727 I'm just saying, between anxiety and chemical drugs there's plenty of potential for excess glutamate, loss of blood flow and a possible triggering of necrosis. When I saw a neurologist this past winter he said he didn't know what happened to me but that I had symptoms of a stroke. I also know that in the weeks leading up to taking LSD I had a period of extreme anxiety where I didn't hardly sleep for about 10 days. It was without question the worst acute stretch of anxiety I've ever had. So for me there almost had to be some sort of a glutamate overload, and I assume for those who suffered from anxiety already prior to taking drugs or had a really bad trip that triggered an incredible release of anxiety and glutamate there's a good chance they were in the same boat as I was.
  40. 2 points
    I'd echo what Unlucky said. Don't do drugs, not in eight months, not ever. It's just not worth it. Think about it: You either get high for a few hours with friends or potentially spend a lifetime cognitively impaired, depressed, anxiety ridden, wishing you could just go back in time to that day you messed it all up forever. As many people on this forum will tell you, drugs have been the worst thing to ever happen to them.
  41. 2 points
    Look I'm going to blunt but it's needed in this situation. This advice could save your life. QUIT DRUGS or sooner or later you will end up on this site for a very long time. I was in a situation were I felt off after MDMA, passed it off as something that would pass, I smoked weed and I ended up in very very dark place. It's been 6 months and there is finally light at the end of the tunnel for me. You may not be so lucky. If you really want drugs wait at least a year. But keep it minimal.
  42. 2 points
    I'm also doing an Engineering and fucked up around your age. My first year, with HPPD, was pretty successful academically so I continued taking drugs... Second year was a total failure and it took me two years to recover and feel confident again in my capabilities. I should have finished last year but I'm finishing this one, not bad at all but certainly not what I was expecting. Continue abstaining and don't ever go back to using drugs. For me alcohol was a big problem and it messes my HPPD more than MDMA. Please, don't fuck up your future. Consider going to a psychologist or psychiatrist. Take a look at CBT if you don't want to go to a professional. I assure you that time and healthy habits is all you need. Meditation, CBT, healthy food, exercise, study, socialization.. Even if you don't feel confident, get out there and go for it. Good luck!! I'm starting again because I messed up and got totally into drugs for 4 months.
  43. 2 points
    I can relate to a lot of what you've been through. I also used to be very charismatic, well spoken, etc., only to become virtually mute for large stretches at a time while dealing with this. At first I didn't have problems with slurring or finding the right words, but now that my hormones are out of whack I also struggle with that as well. Speech problems are a common symptom of brain damage so it's not like you're experiencing anything abnormal. Honestly, I think you're actually in a good position in terms of trying to heal. At such a young age your brain is more malleable and eager to repair whatever went wrong, just as long as you stay away from drugs and stress, eat healthy, etc. School can give you something to focus on, trying to get good grades and learn. Don't worry too much about what's down the road as you have plenty of time to recover. Also, try not to be concerned with what other people think of you. That's common for young people but you'll quickly realize it's also pointless and more harmful to your own happiness and well being. That said, if you've already had this for seven months chances are you're gonna have it for a while longer. Just remember that time is a powerful healer of many things and don't ever give up even when you think you've lost all hope and can't take the pain any longer. I've been there far too many times and am very happy I haven't caved in!
  44. 2 points
    I was wondering if anyone here has experienced permanent negative changes from using Keppra. I have a prescription and the success stories give me such hope of recovering some semblance of a normal life.... But I'm worried. Specifically because keppra is a racetam and oxiracetam and coluracetam made my HPPD 10000x worse permanently after stopping them suddenly. (At first they seemed to cure? Static, warping gone. Old memory back and ability to feel positive emotions back) The question I'm asking myself is if I can afford to feel worse to which I answer no but... Can I afford to not feel better? It's been a year since I entered what I feel is the second tier of HPPD hell and I often feel like I shouldn't be alive. I'm not sure how much more my soul can take of this. Since the mechanism of action for both keppra and most racetams are pretty unknown does anyone have any advice or knowledge about their similarities or differences?
  45. 2 points
    I hate when they say that trying to minimize or negate your experiences. Maybe they have some small distortions like most people do (floaters or something) and they say.. "yeah, I have that too". Fuck off!
  46. 2 points
    these are the questions i recieved from the Groff Foundation along with my answers.. its kind of personal, tho my identity is concealed Shareing is likley a good thing. Maybe others may have similaritys in answers to there questions. When you say quite young, how young was that? Way too young. Likely 13 years old. It was with the influence of my older brother who gave me my first use of LSD. He led me in the wrong direction. Although people get HPPD from using LSD at any age and also they can get it from taking just one trip. The onset of HPPD was around age 15 years. How old are you now? I’m 38 years now. What do you know about the dosage and purity of what you took? I don’t know anything about the purity. It was just standard LSD tabs, “red dragons”, “Robots”, “Microdots”, Mushrooms etc., etc. I have also used DMT once. Was this multiple times, or just once? Multiple times (many) were your symptoms of persistent visual distortions from the beginning, or started later? If they started later, was there anything happening in your life at that point that you think may be related or triggered something? I had Persistent visual distortions from the beginning. I cannot recall anything significant happening later. Basically I had taken some acid, I had been up all night, and was tripping during the day. As far as I can remember, the trip was traumatic “bad” towards the end. As far as I can remember, I may have taken some Valium to help me sleep or to “nock myself out”. Upon awakening, I can remember saying to a friend, I can still see all the same visuals, and that was the onset of HPPD for me. If there were other people with you during the initial experiences who also participated, did/do any of them also have HPPD symptoms or other difficulties? None of the others had HPPD or related difficulties. what have you tried so far to clear the symptoms? Which things you have tried seemed to help some (and if so for how long), which did not help but made it worse, and which were neutral? I have tried many things to clear symptoms. Meditation (meditate 1 hour each day) many types, currently doing Bi-Neural beats, in an attempt to establish new pathways please see www.centerpointe.com This may be helping in some ways, especially stress levels and way I respond to it, activates relaxation response and strengthens “the witness”. Stress seems to worsen HPPD. Yoga in India with great saints / masters. See Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pa314Rw-jao Faith in the Divine, whatever that is for the individual helps. Various Yogic tequniques.Basically just the correlating health benefits Shamanic work, see http://www.sotems.com.au/ Transpersonal work and Counselling, see http://www.ikoninstitute.com.au/courses/transpersonal-counselling Some Breathe work, Sweat Lodges. Trained in specific energy work, India also: this one focused on Neuro-Biological changes to the brain thru transference of energy, so it was attractive to me at the time. (Neutral) Some medications, Clonazepam, Keppra, Sinamet. Clonazepam seems to take the edge off it slightly. Also the same with Valium. Though the problem with this is that it’s highly addictive and turns me into a bit of a zombie. I am 100% medication free now. Lots of personal development etc. When I’m in “high states” from meditation, it seems as though I may get some relief from it, similar to transcendence. Temporarily, maybe for a few hours. This occurs when I’m feeling “happy.” Keppra likely made it worse. Caffeine and stimulants make it worse. When I enter a dark space makes it worse. It is worse at night time. With the personal development work etc. Managing and learning to master my own emotional state is helpful, though does not take away fully. Although when I’m in a peak emotional state, I would say there may be times when I do not notice it. For example: I have been into elite fitness, lifting weight. Possibly at those times that require so much focus i.e. lifting heavy weights, I may not notice at that time or get temporary relief possibly. Also building up my physical body has benefits. Feeling good about myself etc Tho i have now done this to a point that i have injured myself quite badly with torn tendons. I think the discipline of Natrual bodybuilding was my way of Hideing My HPPD from the world and a type of avoidance stratergy, so i dont have to deal with it, and people on some level. Any stressors to the central nervous system seem to make it worse. Lack of sleep makes it worse. Stress makes it worse. Obsessing about it / thinking about it and reading about it on the Internet makes it worse. I would like to try these glasses soon and see if they may help Irlen Diagnostic Clinic - Buderim, Sunshine Coast QLD Irlen Diagnostic Clinic - Buderim, Sunshine Coast QLDDYSLEXIA Problems Solved Is your child a poor reader? Are words and lines confused? Is there difficulty copying off the blackboard? Are they worried by... Headaches Glare Sore Eyes View on www.irlenclinic.com.au Preview by Yahoo Can you describe which particular distortions you are experiencing, and which ones of these are more-or-less always there and which come and go (if there are some that come and go)? All the visual distortions are basically, always there, unless I have temporary breakthrough as mentioned above. Colour distortion, movement, visual snow, halos around objects. Basically all of the visual phenomena. I have all the visual phenomena of hppd below taken from Google: There are a number of perceptual changes that can accompany HPPD. Typical symptoms of the disorder include: halos or auras surrounding objects, trails following objects in motion, difficulty distinguishing between colors, apparent shifts in the hue of a given item, the illusion of movement in a static setting, air assuming a grainy or textured quality (visual snow or static, by popular description, not to be confused with normal "blue field entoptic phenomenon"), distortions in the dimensions of a perceived object, and a heightened awareness of floaters. The visual alterations experienced by those with HPPD are not homogeneous and there appear to be individual differences in both the number and intensity of symptoms.[citation needed] Visual aberrations can occur periodically in healthy individuals – e.g. afterimages after staring at a light, noticing floaters inside the eye, or seeing specks of light in a darkened room. However, in people with HPPD, symptoms are typically persistent enough that the individual cannot ignore them.[citation needed] There is some uncertainty about to what degree visual snow constitutes a true HPPD symptom. There are many individuals who have never used a drug which could have caused the onset, but yet experience the same grainy vision reported by HPPD sufferers. There are a few potential reasons for this, the most obvious of which being the theory that the drug usage may exaggerate the intensity of visual snow. Another theory is that instead, there may be no change in the severity or magnitude of the visual snow, but perhaps the drug usage opens sensory pathways that result in the individual becoming more aware of any visual disturbances that may have simply not been noticed before the incidence of drug use. As for root cause of visual snow, some theories suggest that it is the result of thermal noise in the visual cortex or in the 'Optic Pathway' (encompassing photoreceptor cells on the retina, the optic nerve, and the optic chiasm[1]), as eye tests for individuals who experience visual snow often reveal that physically, the eye is perfectly normal, and in many cases the individual still maintains 20/20 vision. HPPD usually has a visual manifestation. Drugs affecting the auditory sense, like DiPT, may produce auditory disturbances, though there are few known cases. Some psychedelic drugs can produce temporary tinnitus-like symptoms as a side effect.[2][3] It also should be noted that the visuals do not constitute true hallucinations in the clinical sense of the word; people with HPPD recognize the visuals to be illusory, or pseudohallucinations, and thus maintain the ability to determine what is real (in contrast to some mental illnesses such as schizophrenia).[4] HPPD Visuals are a lot more amplified in the dark. At this time, given the time since they began, would you say that the intensity of your symptoms is decreasing, staying the same, or increasing as time goes by? Likely staying the same. Except for the way I manage it, as the threshold for what I can handle is higher; likely this has come about through meditation. So the way I respond to it is different. Sometime I feel I am making progress when I’m most engaged in life and have other aspects of my life “working.” i.e. career / relationships etc Maybe sometimes there are some improvements with all the work I’m doing on myself. I would like to fully investigate the area of Neuro-plasticity and apply various tequniques to my own life, I’m not sure if this would help? Is there anything else about your general health that you think could be relevant? No not that I can think of. How has your condition affected your life? that is, which things you want to do or need to do are difficult or challenging or impossible because of symptoms? My focus is not as good. It is difficult for me to achieve one pointedness because the visuals are there. I’m a very capable human being. It is just temporary while I get things back on track. I left school at year 11 because I did not know what was happening. I went on to do a diploma in transpersonal counselling, though did not quite finish at the time due to a possible “secondary gain.” At present I’m working on various business projects and in training as Hypnotherapist. This has made my transpersonal / spiritual practices more challenging as I have the HPPD to contend with at the same time unfortunately. It’s like I can do everything and everything, although it’s not the same, because I have the additional “world” to contend with, at the same time. Which makes many things more challenging and it can be exhausting. People with HPPD tend to isolate themselves a lot. I do "hope" i have coverd everything. I am always happy to share more, and always open to skype if you feel it would be beneficial. I would love to hear about any suggestions you may have. Im willing to jump right in and give anything a try.
  47. 2 points
  48. 2 points
    Hi Everyone my name is Jon I got hppd a year and a half ago. I am completely free of hppd now. I got hppd after taking shrooms ,lsd , and mdma When I first got it I did not know and just figured it was a bad come down from the drugs but after a few days and I noticed I really had a serious problem. That was a year and a half ago and over the course of the year I took steps to better my health and mentalitly that i know where huge in my recovery process. I just put up a youtube video if you want to watch. youtube.com/watch?v=7S_tCq2WX0w.I think the hardest part about this disorder was the fear of having it and just constant worry about the future and having deep thoughts all the time about life. etc My advice to you would be try and get your mind off of the bizarre and deep thoughts about yourself the world and whatever it is that is making you so scared. I know it sounds alot harder than it can be. Just take very deep slow breath and take every moment as it comes. I good quote from good old abraham licolin " the best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time" I also recommend taking all junk out of your diet because the reason you are here is from drugs that are obviously arent good for your body and brain. Just because some people or most people can handle these drugs not everybody can. You will also need time to let your brain heal and your body counts in months not days so it will need time. But if you stress about it the whole time its not good for you and can prolong the recovery process. If you have a very busy schudeule I would suggest if you can to give yourself the most down time you can to just releax and enjoy the things you love about life. Music,movies,tea. If you have a family that supports you tell them everything and that you need help because your experiencing a rough time and everyone has them. Just do not worry and enjoy the most you can throughout your day. Finally stop hanging out with people who are not understanding your problem and who do not care about you. These people can actually make your condition worse if they are encouraging you to take more drugs and do things you know deep down are bad for you. It comes down to you about how fast you get better. I know you can all do it though because if I CAN THEN ANYBODY CAN. Just to let you all know how bad my situation was. My symptoms incuded Visual distorions, thinking like i was going insane i literaly believed I had skitophrenia because I never had such bizzare thoughts and feelings. I could not connect to life or people I felt like an object in a room. But enough of the negative you can break these feelings like throwing a rock threw glass. Look the other way. Stop paying attention to the negative in the day. And be glad that you are ALIVE because as much as you do not feel it you are just as real and Alive as the pain you are feeling. TRUST ME FRIENDS YOU CAN DO IT!
  49. 2 points
    So did the visuals go away completely for you how long in before they went and was it a gradual dissipation of symptoms or did you just wake up one day and they were gone so to speak great story though dude glad you recovered I'm currently a year and a half into this shit
  50. 2 points
    ive been under 6 times since HPPD no issues whatsoever with me.