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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum

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Showing content with the highest reputation since 05/18/2019 in all areas

  1. 2 points
    Hello, I’m sorry to hear about all you have gone through; life can be very difficult and each of us have our own battles. From my experience if we focus on our problems they only get bigger. In the age of the internet this can have terrible results because there is an endless stream of information available that can make us feel worse about ourselves. My advice to you is to try and not focus on your condition or the troubles from your past. Therapy can be very good with the right person to address what’s troubling you. Meditation is also an incredible tool that is free and can be very effective for treating depression, anxiety and other issues. The important thing with meditating is consistency; it’s like working out. You will not reap the benefits unless you put in the time and energy. It also is a subtle business that comes only after a few weeks of practice but then eventually one day you realize everything is okay and as it should be. For mediation it’s always worth investing in some course to help learn the basic techniques and ask all of your questions. These are typically pretty cheap and you only really need to attend a few classes. Anyway it sounds like you’re on the right path. Remember the ‘here and now’ is all we can influence and all that matters. It’s so easy to forget that. Keep pushing forward and believe things will get better and they will. Keep seeking peace and you will find it. I’ve messed up so many times but those low points provide lessons. Also hope is essential to keeping a good additude. Take care and keep posting on this forum. Nick
  2. 2 points
    You said you don't have an outlet, maybe you can create one. Find a healthy distraction from what's going on. I am filled with anxiety as well and I know it can be absolutely debilitating; I also have OCD. What works for me is keeping busy. I go to the gym a lot, I play chess, I read, meditate and I go for long walks. Find something that brings you joy and can take your mind off of the current situation. Keep coming back to these forums, when you share your problems with others I have found that it has the effect of making them seem smaller. A lot of anxiety I think is rooted in our perception of the situation, and often times that perception isn't even logical and therefore not sound. Anyway hang in there, believe that it will get better and it will. Take Care, Nick
  3. 2 points
    Thank you for posting. The fact that your symptoms are improving is great news! Keep posting to let people know what's working for you. It might help someone else in the future.
  4. 2 points
    MadDoc has covered it well there. the majority of people who sign up on here tend to stop posting after a couple of months, which suggests that most cases of hppd heal after a while (this is backed up with anecdotal evidence from speaking to people via PM here). Try not to stress about it for now. I wouldn't even read up too much about it. Just eat well, excercise, take your mind off it any way you can. This does add to my fear about the sudden gold rush towards mdma/lsd as a legitimate therapeutic treatment though.
  5. 1 point
    The Visual Snow Initiative is working in cooperation with specialists on lenses/ glasses that are supposed to reduce vs symptoms. It's going to be available this summer. This info has been available on https://www.visualsnowinitiative.org/ but not anymore. However for further info you can contact them via email, they are happy to help.
  6. 1 point
    I've worked as a web developer/programmer for the past 20 yrs, and a couple of months ago my light sensitivity went up the roof, about the same time as my other symptoms exploded (vs, palinopsia, floaters, ghosting, CEVs, etc.), which lead to me having major difficulties sitting in front of computer screens and TVs because of the bright light. I found out about a company that makes special pink tinted glasses for migraine patients on Twitter - someone who had visual snow had benefited from them - so I thought why not just try. So I ordered them and got them about 5 weeks ago. I put them on and suddenly I was able to focus on my work, watch TV and play games without feeling like getting a migraine every time - things I used to do before this brain mess started. It helps a lot, not just with the light sensitivity but the palinopsia seems calmer - seem to get less positive after images. Even my ghosting doesn't disturb me as much. Generally my eyes feel less strained and even though it doesn't do much to stop the progressively worsening of my symptoms, they do help. Check them out here: https://www.theraspecs.com/ Quite expensive, especially if you live outside the US but totally worth it.
  7. 1 point
    Wow cool man! Idk but somehow i saw an improvement even with regular glasses(doesn't make a lot of sense but i did see an improvement). Ty for that!
  8. 1 point
    I saw this video too. Im currently trying his method and i have to say that its very effective for my vs . If you think that you have jaw problems, mewing may help you . Ive been mewing for 2 months and apart from the jawline improvement, my jaw feels AMAZING. Do a research on it and let me know your thoughts!
  9. 1 point
    Im doing some simple neck stretches for a week and im going straight for a month. Im going to be posting the results as well. I have read some amazing results between neck/overall posture and vs. Even if my other symptoms stay the same, at least vs(which is a hell of a symptom) will be reduced, as people who tried this say. Be safe guys and remember that you are never hopeless! If somebody feels that way, hit my dm!!!
  10. 1 point
    Hi guys. Im apparently new to the forum, so i want to start by explaining my story and how and why i got here. Im 16 years old and as you can imagine, people between that age aren't very concerned about their health or anything in general. Even though i was a kid who liked exercising or working out i was also very curious on trying drugs like weed . About a year ago, my mom got cancer but i couldn't feel anything, like i had no fear that she was going to die(i hadnt tried any drug in my life, not even tobacco or alcohol), feeling like im some kind of numb, not having empathy (which scared me because i was that kid who would be concerned about anything related to his family.) A couple months later, i started feeling more lost. I had lost the days and i didnt care at all . I was depressed but i didnt want to realize it. I couldn't accept the fact that something was wrong about my mental health at that point. After my vacation between December and January, i came back, again kinda numb. School was closed for Christmas and would open soon. As school opened, my friend asked me if i want to smoke some weed with his friends. Not even thinking about it, i answered, why not? The next couple of weeks i would smoke about 2-3 bong hits a week(nothing more). And yet i wasnt feeling high(maybe because of the dosage) . So one day i made a stupid desicion to get as high as possible(at that point i hadnt get a single high feeling in my life, not even from the bong hits). I started smoking and taking bong hits. I ate nothing. Fifteen minutes later i was kinda confused. I would be so stupid that i couldn't even think of simple things. I started to realize that i was high and it felt cool, for the first minutes. 2 minutes later i started feeling like i was in a boat, like i was lost and dizzy. Suddenly, my vision started to have some wierd black dots everywhere . I had a blackout and a bad panic attack . The high was so strong that i couldn't control or see anything for a couple of seconds(idk if that sounds a bit unrealistic but im trying to explain everything as it went through). After that seconds, i took control over my body, but it was like i was in a lucid dream. Like i was a camera, like i was observing the world through the tiniest tv screen . I felt my body strange. I would touch things and feel them after 2 to 3 seconds . I was so confused and anxious . My friends had freaked out because nothing similar didnt happen to them ever .i lost my mind, i got paranoid that this thing would last forever, like i was going to live the rest of my life like this. 2 hours later i wasn't high no more, but something felt strange. I went to sleep and i remember being between sleep and awake. I was so lost that night. I was having a dream of getting paranoid while i was also partly awake. The morning came and yet i was lost. I had black dots around my visual field, I couldn't see the walls clearly, like if they had some light everywhere in them. Moving my eyes from a shiny direction to another, i would see the previous image blurry for a couple of seconds. All that combined scared the shit out of me making me more paranoid about everything. I started feel like i was fake, everything seemed like a dream, my body felt like it wasnt mine. I got home after school and i remember having a nap caude i was to tired. Again, i couldn't sleep, i was somewhere between sleep and awake, lost. I woke up feeling like i was a stranger to everything. I had delay on touching things like when i was high. Im not gonna lie, i thought i was in a dream again. That night i explained my parents everything and they were very helpful. The next days my symptoms got worse. My anxiety increased and i had some terrible panic attacks. I would see those black dots everywhere ( when i would wake up in the morning they were moving fast as hell), and a little tinnitus. After a couple of days i would have that delay over the things i touch for some minutes and that was kinda annoying and unexplainable to me . I started observing around and seeing some small halos around people. The first couple of months was literally HELL. Suicide was the only option, i would tell to myself. Everyday i was overanalyzing everything. My walk, the way i talk, how am i able to see humans everyday without observing everything they do and all that insane stuff. It became i habit. Every single day 24/7 checking in to see whats wrong , if im going to be like this for the rest of my life. I went to therapists but they didnt help. They wouldn't diagnose anything. I had an mri and still nothing. I was feeling so unaware of everything. Being in autopilot. I also started homeopathy but it didnt help. My visual symptoms stayed the same 24/7 . The only time the were worse , it was when i was waking up(stayed for 10-15 minutes and then back to normal). 2 months got by without me doing nothing except of overanalyzing every single detail of me, my movements everything.it was that time that i couldn't take it anymore. I started running once a week . It did help with my anxiety (not my visual symptoms though. They were the same all the time.) I also started to taking cold showers. Amazing . Simply amazing for my mental state. It was so difficult at first but i tried and trying my best not to care about jt . I would gonto school and starting to get mote sociable,although feeling lost cause of my vision, but i tried not to care at all(it helped). Now im 4 months after that terrible experience and im way better with the dpdr thing. The only thing that remains is the visual symptoms and the feeling that im in a moving boat. They scare me sometimes causing me panic attacks. I hope that time will heal me and all that people that feeling hopeless. Remember guys, you are not hopeless. You will never be. I was hopeless for months and i did nothing. I AM BETTER. even though my vs and all that hppd symptoms are still there im in a way better mental state than i was. If someone is feeling hopeless or wants to talk, feel free to hit my dm anytime. That was my story . Hope u people found ot helpful. It surely release some kind of a tension to me! Stay safe
  11. 1 point
    Thanks for sharing.
  12. 1 point
    You have nothing to lose. Maybe contacting a doctor once you feel ready for it.
  13. 1 point
    Might look up how people with schizophrenia deal with those symptoms and apply that to myself??
  14. 1 point
    Yep... I'm not even against it in the slightest (I've seen a depressed friend go from suicidal to pretty much cured from Ketamine treatment)... But the goldrush scares me and it is being marketed or spoke about as a "safe" alternative.
  15. 1 point
    okay since February my HPPD symptoms have slowly went down i avoided all types of drugs especially when sick i would only take ibuprofen and pray that it isn’t anything worse than a cold. I’ve tried to eat healthy but it not really good at that. Since overdosing on THC i’ve ended up going through a spiritual awakening so i’ve been very occupied and forgot all about my HPPD until night time when i dim my lights. I just now started exercising and i see my symptoms getting a bit worse but since I read some of the past topics on here I guess it will get better and not worst i’ll see what happens but other that i only see a lot of static , ghost images , shadows and splashes of color. Anyways i just decided to post my update on my HPPD symptoms.
  16. 1 point
    @Jay1 I couldn't agree more. Drugs like LSD and MDMA seem to help some people. However, it needs to approached carefully, be monitored, and combined with more traditional therapies. Regulation and accountability of the care provider should be carefully monitored.
  17. 1 point
    The 1080HD version is available at resolution of my monitor. CLICK to SUBSCRIBE! I just recorded my screen and started showing some behind the scenes. I have a real camera, I can make audio but right now I wanted to just make something that shows how much research exists and was published on this topic and how can a researcher miss these papesr if I found them for my undergraduate thesis. Well, there is a self-biasing, and I have heard from very prominent researchers in the hallucinogenic research community that were surprised by the overwhelming amount of content and the quality of the content. What is interesting to me, is when new research about HPPD is published and none of this history is included. It is almost as if the only research on the topic was selected by the researcher to validate their point. Well, I read the papers. I paid $35 for a lot, and admittedly thank you to my two sponsors and the MANY sponsors over the years that kept and still keep the web site up. I have finished what I needed to do before I could dedicate my life to HPPD, and so I invite you to a 40 minute video of me just clicking around at some of my links, showing the actual papers, using my mouse as my voice and pointing out passages that are tremendously interesting and it blows my already altered mind on how researchers are unable to use research services. PLEASE GO TO MY CHANNEL AND SUBSCRIBE. I have a place donated for me to live in my area to allow me to dedicate a day's work to HPPD research, web development and my personal withdrawal to lower my dose of klonopin. I will record this. I am sure it will horrify/entertain you or perhaps you can put a face to the web site and past comments and I will be honest about what is happening to me. This video is a FULL image of my desktop while I navigate through files. So, as I said you will see some personal things (nothing obscene, but I have no problem with anything you will see. I am not adding music, so you can feel the freedom to choose to look at different sections at your leisure. Just skip around. If you find something that you want to point out, then highlight and comment it on the actual channel. I NEED 1,000 SUBSCRIBERS. I have 32. If you want videos that will break down this information and include updates and opportunities to work together, then subscribe. Subscribers are hidden (unless you opt to let it be show. It also is not a channel that says anything about HPPD. It is my channel, and will have topics of perception. This video will contain simulators that you have never seen. I will show different types of visual snow. I will show you a sample of many of the papers that I have in my library. You will see articles from 1969 on HPPD that describe the symptoms in almost the exact way we do today. I will show a military research study. I will include related studies, hints at multiple biophysics studies I designed. You will see some links and bookmarks that I am not bothered by, so you have no "gotcha moments" in the comments. Papers covering all aspects of this disorder. Enjoy, fast forward, comment on a section time and ask a question. I will have more videos. I am so uplifted to see the positive videos about HPPD from individuals with this disorder, and also I am excited to see the positive momentum of the Visual Snow Community. Similarly, I am glad the work we did with Depersonalization and Derealization had an impact. What I did not want to do is tell you, "HPPD is this or that... We only have this much evidence..." or other surface level washing of the topic. This is my personal desktop. (Yes, I like writing music and flight simulators) 😜 This is what I have in my online drives. This is what exists. This does not include the many gigabytes of data from the hppdonline.com web site, but that is protected. Please subscribe. I have this checkmark, and it enables me at 1,000 subscribers to do much more with my channel. Typically, 100,000 subscribers require a verified account or celebrity. I guess having 1000's of pages with you name on it because of HPPDonline.com pages and publishing research or paying off my Google rep (jk) earned me this badge. It is time to get REAL serious about HPPD research. I have taken my vacation. I have read much of the new theories on HPPDOnline.com and I am so excited we are on the same page without talking to each other. We are looking farther than the GABA inhibitory system with the 5ht inputs and GABA outputs and looking at activation cells and the role of Dopamine. Functional structures and pharmacological observations. The first paper I was a primary researcher and author (and programmer and CEO of the non-profit that paid to host the research for Mount Sinai School of Medicine) has nearly 100 citations. It is a landmark characterization of the disorder and contributed to validation DPD/DR for the DSM-5. I have this designed for HPPD. You saw bits of it and the many revisions on my drive. I have updated more and I have completely re-hauled it. I will need help from the community. I am awful at raising money. I feel guilty for asking for money, even if that money is what will make this work. Unlike what many may believe, I would be homeless if it were not for my family's home. I have been a caretaker for a few years, and dealing with my ADHD symptoms that have been disabling for so many years. I am ready now. We are all definitely ready. I have never thought I would see the day there is TOO much information about HPPD on the Internet, but that much of it is garbage. I promised I would dedicate my life to this, and this is where I feel most energized. CLICK SUBSCRIBE! - David S. Kozin
  18. 1 point
    Twelve days isn't much time. You may just be experiencing the remnants of your recent experience. I'm not a doctor or a medical professional. That being said, in my opinion, you're going to be fine because your symptoms sound mild. I realize it may not feel that way because it's happening to you, and I'm not trying to minimize what you're going through. Hppd can be debilitating and it sounds like you're doing pretty well. Stay clear of psychedelics and cannabis. Try not to put too much focus on the symptoms you're experiencing. Instead, focus on your daily tasks, challenges, and fun. Take care of yourself, and hang in there.
  19. 1 point
    Hi Harry,.. very sorry to her about your you mum dying, must be heart breaking. Stress is a huge factor in HPPD and grief is the worst stress you can get. As the grief slowly passes, the stress will too, which will help your dp/dr. I would chat to your business partner about having some time off, or at least lessen your hours. Dealing with your grief and mental health is the most important thing now. I'm sure something can be arranged, but you need to begin to talk about things with people near and dear to you (even if you don't mention hppd specifically). Are you trying any medication?
  20. 1 point
    Sertraline (Zoloft) and Mirtazapine gave me HPPD (mild) Everyone is different
  21. 1 point
    Hey guys. Just thought i'd have a little bit of fun with this one as it's not often that I look back on events that have taken place in my life and laugh - as is usually the case with me they're typically a little bit too "out there" for them to be funny, but in reality they are quite hilarious. Anyways, this happened about back in may of this year (2018) So I had been admitted into a psychiatric facility here in Alberta, after my parents deemed that my mental health and substance abuse issues were not matters that I could take into my own hands anymore. So I go to the psychiatric facility, spend my 21 day stint there, and, poor me, decided to let the psychiatrists there perform whatever procedures they deemed fit to treat my symptoms -completely unknowing of the damage that they would go on to cause my HPPD. When I was discharged from the hospital, I could barely speak a word of coherent english, as my mind was so frazzled, and basically told my parents that I did more damage in 21 days at a psychiatric facility then my 7 months plus of doing cocaine every weekend. Anyways after about two weeks of attempting to make a recovery from my recovery program at the psychiatric hospital, the symptoms just got way too bad, so I took matters into my own hands and decided to buy about $500 worth of xanax. I remember taking them, they were really good xans, a little bit too good. I took one and completely unbeknownst to me, decided to go on a mad rampage around the city in a complete blackout. The next events that took place are only events that have been told to me, or that I have read of in the police report of all the incidents that took place that night, as I have absolutely no recollection of anything that happened that night. I wound up driving to an A&W on the complete opposite side of the city that I live in, walked in, stumbled around a bit, and ordered a burger. I made my payment, and then according to the cashier working at the A&W, I began telling the cashier all about how I was pretty sure that I was god, with a completely blank stare the entire time. I then proceeded to sit on one of the tables inside the A&W (Not in the chairs, on the table) and began eating my food. I was apparently told to sit in a chair, and not on a table, at which point I apparently started yelling profanities at the cashier and then walked outside, proceeding to eat my burger and fries on a concrete bench outside the A&W. At this point, blacked-out-on-xanax me did something very smart... I took the keys out of my pocket and placed them on the bench beside me. This move was really smart on my part as it gave me plausible deniability for when the cops would show up. Anyways, apparently I finished my burger, and just sat on the bench outside for about an hour with a completely blank and emotionless stare on my face. At this point, the staff at the A&W were worried so they called 911, at which point the police showed up to me clearly obliterated out of my mind on an unknown amount of benzos. Paramedics were called (GET THIS) and literally could not find out what was wrong with me, and deemed me medically fit to carry on as I was, however the police, not wanting to just let me go, decided to call my parents so that they could pick me up. My parents get there, and see that im obviously in some kind of messed up state. They drive my car home while I ride in the passenger seat of my moms car. I get home, and apparently try to conceal some of my xanax pills in my room - at which point my mom starts yelling at me (Again, which I still have no recollection of) I start yelling profanities back, and my dad decides to call the police again. The police show up, and decide that they have enough on me to file an assault charge against me. GET THIS - upon finding out blacked out me was going to jail, I proceeded to stuff about 7 grams of marijuana in my pocket to take to jail with me - THIS IS IN THE POLICE STATEMENT!! So it goes on, I get to the police station where they book me, and destroy the 7 grams of marijuana that I tried to take to jail with me, however they didn't charge me with possession for the marijuana. About 2-3 hours pass, and i'm still experiencing full on retrograde amnesia - I'm off my tits and have no recollection of any of this ever happening - the police release me from the station with a court date set for the assault charges, and a set of conditions clearly stating that I was to remain at least a block away from my parents house. Well - what does blacked-out-on-xanax Jason do next you ask? He walks... straight back to his parents house still obliterated off his tree. I walked right inside, at which point my parents dialed 911 again to report that I was back. And so they arrested me again, only this time they held me overnight. I woke up the next morning and had absolutely no recollection of anything that had happened the prior night- they wanted to take me to jail, but I asked them if I could Bail myself out, turns out they take credit card. So anyways I bail myself out, dazed and confused, and find myself a lawyer who then gets the disclosure of the case. It's at this point that i'm reading the full on turn of events that happened, half horrified, and half chuckling as I read it. Long story short... my lawyer got me off with a conditional discharge - which means probation for 1 year and no criminal record - under the pretense that when emergency medical services had asessed me, they were supposed to hold me until I was no longer intoxicated and able to comprehend everything that was going on. I look back on this, and as horrible as it was, it was quite the hilarious night of cat and mouse. I later explained to my parents what had happened, and we all get along and chuckle about it now. 😂 -jbalsa2
  22. 1 point
    @Jagermeister I dont see the spinners anymore, my visual snow is the same and I’m having tinnitus. Im sure i’m a little better than when it started. thanks for asking
  23. 1 point
    I've seen some threads on this forum decompose into insults and shouting matches. We all have opinions, perspectives, experiences, and information we've obtained from various sources. If someone posts something you don't agree with, pisses you off, or seems like misinformation, please reply in a constructive and courteous manner. Before you post, think about what you might say if you were talking to the person face to face, and don't forget to be kind. We're all struggling with a difficult disorder. Remember, we all have the goal of being well. Let's help each other get there. Thank you.
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