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  1. 4 points
    Hello, I'm recovered for 90-95% of this illness, I've suffered with HPPD for a period of 5-6 years . The only thing I suffer from now is chaotic thinking. A good night sleep makes this symptom relative obsolete though. So what did I do, right? HPPD really started to fade when I stopped all the drugs. This includes even smoking and probally drinking coffee. And to eat healthy, and to sport frequently. I think sporting as much as possible is even better. Also thinking postive is important too, try to go on with your life. Try to hit the hard but "good-for-u" roads frequently. What I also personally came across, that the cause of increased anxiety is not related to HPPD. HPPD only makes anxiety worse. Before HPPD kicked in I already had semi social anxiety. Focusing on such pre-existing anxieties is much better then on:"anxiety is from HPPD". A extra tip: I know it's really hard to step out your friend group. I think most friend groups who uses drugs frequently posses this strong loyal or tight band thingies. Specially when you're young, this youth culture kinda is your entire world. I think I'm lucky I converted to christianity in that period of time. I want to say some things about stepping out of such groups. I'm now in my 20's, and now with a more mature mind. I'm really thankfull I'm not in that place anymore. To be frank, I'm attending a good education and hang arround with the good people(I also used to hang arround plain thugs/hoodlums). I know almost certain, If I've stayed in this group I still have HPPD; and I'd be still in that dark corner of society. Some health boosts: I was quite desperate in the times of suffering of HPPD. So I played a bit with anti-oxidants. I discovered that some anti-oxidants helped with HPPD. Which are: L-carnosine, r-fraction alpa lipoic acid and astaxanthine. This above anti-oxidants has the rare behaviour that it acces the brain. Anti-oxidants, simply said, cleans the body of "waste/dump". If you're non-functional withouth coffee, you could try as substitute: Acetyl L-carnitine. It's a natural energizer. If you're having a hard time to stop smoking, ask your doctor if he/she can prescribe champix. Ps: sorry for my spelling & grammar, I'm dutch.
  2. 2 points
    Great advice. I know months can feel like decades in that early stage. I vividly remember it myself... But it is essential to give yourself the best possible chance to recover... Try and remove as much stress from your life as possible. If you need to take time off, do it... If you need to lock yourself in your room, do it... Whatever helps with stress... You can quickly get your life back on track once you recover or learn to deal with this. I would also add that self blame/self loathing is great fuel for stress and anxiety. If at all possible, forgive yourself for taking risks with drugs and realise that no amount of wishing you hadn't done something will ever make it so... It's wasted energy and added stress, so just forgive yourself for doing something that millions of others do, learn and move on. (easy said than done, i know!).
  3. 2 points
    You sound somewhat like me. It's been six months, and I can tell you one thing for sure. It gets much much better. In retrospect, I was really shaken and worried and never thought I'd reach this point. So firstly, don't worry - the body and mind are complex and they take time. Just help the process by eating nutritious food, exercise (which you already are doing) and reducing caffeine intake. I would also strongly recommend meditation. I can't possibly explain how much it has helped me. You could probably just download an app to help you get started quickly. I'd suggest the app 'Headspace'. For me, apart from starbursts and very slight sensitivity to light almost all symptoms have gone away. Continue with absolutely not smoking pot. And try staying away from alcohol too, because it does hinder the recovery process, but yeah I did end up drinking a couple of times. Keep yourself occupied and don't worry bud. :)
  4. 1 point
    This is mainly to the newcomers like myself. For those of you just entering your days of hppd, take it from someone who also hasnt had it for very long, ive only had it for 3 months. The first month to months could very well be a hellish ride straight to satans throne. But one thing id tell you is to not lose hope, insert yourself into discussions with friends and on forums(not just about hppd but anything) take some recommended vitamins like vitamin d3 and b complex and magnesium, get a therapist you can talk to and stay active, all these things will help you get better. While my visual symptoms have not subsided, my physical symptoms on the other hand have. Ive always had social anxiety tho, so for the most part i would say i definitely feel like myself again. I attempted suicide in my first month and its now my third month and im so glad i never did. If theres three things of most importance i could tell you to do 1. Acceptance(accept this is your life as of right now, you cant dwell on the fact you MIGHT have this for the rest of your life because you also MIGHT NOT. My girlfriend told me i just need to take it one day at a time, we live day by day not month by month or day by month, you dont know if youll have this tomorrow or a month from now or a year, which leads to my second) 2. Never give up hope (Accepting that you have it in my opinion is a great step to recovery. But also being hopeful in the possibility of recovery is very important) Acceptance and being positive/hopeful are two great things to feel towards hppd. Its at that point imo you can feel true improvement and recovery. 3. CEASE ALL DRUGS. I cant stress that one enough, let your brain rest. Those in my opinion are the three best things to do when faced with hppd. Granted i may have it milder than a lot of hppders but i do want you guys to know i havent smoked or dosed since the onset, i drank maybe 3 or 4 times(avoid that too if you can) i also have a foot injury right now but most of my improvement came when i was going to the gym and running and sweating like a dog. Hppd isnt the end, but in a lot of ways its an eye opener.
  5. 1 point
    Excellent post. Couldn't agree more with items 1-3. Jay's point regarding self blame is excellent as well. One thing, even if you're symptoms don't seem bad at first and your life isn't hell, proceed with caution. When I stopped using I was kind of stumbling out of a long term psychedelic stupor. The symptoms (visuals) I had were initially kind of reassuring. It wasn't until the years started to go by that I realized it wasn't going away. Sobriety at the first sign, good or bad is important IMHO.
  6. 1 point
    OK, bit of an update: It's been three days now and symptoms have definitely subsided. They're still lingering but it's nothing too bad. I imagine at this rate I'll be clear of exacerbated symptoms in a few more days. As I mentioned above nutmeg contains myristicin which can be found in many foods including many nightshades which I've already touched on in a post here: http://hppdonline.com/index.php?/topic/5431-nightshades/#comment-34336 At this point I don't think there's even a question -- if you have HPPD you need to stay away from nightshades! These foods clearly contain multiple chemical agents that exacerbate HPPD. If you're someone who eats potatoes, tomatoes, peppers and others spicy foods on a regular basis then these are likely only making your condition worse. Additionally, myristicin can be found in many over-the-counter drugs, including antidepressants and antipsychotics. Here is a full list: http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/812644-clinical#b5 One of the above mentioned medications is an antihistamine called diphenhydramine. Last year when I couldn't sleep I took a few pills of this substance and noticed an immediate worsening of my symptoms the next day. I made a post about that which you can find here: http://hppdonline.com/index.php?/topic/5091-diphenhydramine/#comment-31926 In fact, if you search this site's database for "diphenhydramine" you'll come up with over 90 results and posts similar to mine wherein people get HPPD from this same drug. Here are a few: http://hppdonline.com/index.php?/topic/5228-acetycholine-and-hppd/#comment-33200 http://hppdonline.com/index.php?/topic/4581-diphenhydramine/#comment-28376 Myristicin is known to cause what's called anticholinergic toxicity syndrome. This is actually a somewhat common condition wherein people show up to the ER with a variety of symptoms including hypertension, urinary retention, tremors, dry mouth and skin, altered mental status, etc. However, the range of symptoms is quite large and also includes the following, which as some on this site have already noted, overlap with those of HPPD: pupil dilation, light sensitivity (photophobia), blurred vision, double vision, loss of accommodation and inability to focus on nearby objects (cycloplegia), tendency to be easily startled, memory problems, inability to concentrate, disorientation, brain fog, periodic flashes of light, visual snow, tunnel vision, warping or morphing, squiggly lines, patterns on surfaces, etc. Here is a full list: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anticholinergic One thing I've found interesting about neurotransmission when my symptoms have worsened is that it's often due to a lack of a transmitter. In caffeine GABA uptake prevented. In nutmeg and other myristicin it's acetylcholine. And if you go back to the original source, LSD, it's serotonin. In each case, as far as I can tell, there is a prevention of neurotransmission that causes HPPD symptoms to manifest. Would this not then suggest HPPD could be rooted in the brain's inability to absorb and or process certain neurotransmitters? I don't know much about this stuff so perhaps if someone else does they can chime in. Regardless, stay away from those nightshades!
  7. 1 point
    Whats happening is that multiple afflictions are happening at once. The OCD is feeding the anxiety which is feeding the HPPD and dpdr. As a fellow sufferer of ocd you need to try whatever you can to get a grip on the illness. You are not going insane. This is not going to last forever. It will pass and you will be able to move on with life. Every time an objection or counter argument comes up, politely accept the thought as being there and tell yourself that youre recovering and recovery takes time and that you will get better.
  8. 1 point
    Loads of people recover, they just leave without saying anything... I'd say at least 70% recover. 3 months is not much time at all. 1 second after images are not too long, i have them for at least 5 seconds on certain objects, and if i look at a light for even a millisecond, i see an after image for at least 30 seconds. floaters are nothing abnormal at all, you are just noticing them because you are searching your vision. VS is often connected to hppd though. So it is possible you have some form of hppd. Try removing caffeine, at least to test if it helps... Most hppd sufferers cannot tolerate it. Try to keep calm and avoid stress.... Thinking that this is something you are now stuck with for life is not helping and is unlikely too... and even if you are one of the unlucky few, you will find coping mechanisms and will find a way to go on.
  9. 1 point
    http://gizmodo.com/scientists-used-crispr-to-reverse-huntingtons-disease-i-1796262804
  10. 1 point
    I think your symptoms will be gone within 3 months... There is a pattern I have seen in the 10 years or so of being on this forum and you seem to fit it well.. Keep up the excerise, eat healthy, keep your mind enetertained and stay sober... I'm almost certain you will fully recover. Good luck, Jay
  11. 1 point
  12. 1 point
    Hi everyone, i really dont know how to start and i hope you can excuse any mistakes in language as im from europe and i even have problems using my mother language at the moment due to my mental situation (If you want to skip the detailed story you can scroll down to my current symptoms, which basically began after one weekend of smoking too much weed where i had something like a panic attack while smoking alone.) Maybe i just start with a review of my past two months where my current state began and a little about me and my drug usage. Im 22 years old and started with drinking alcohol with 14 like all my other friends, sure i often drunk too much in the future but only at parties and never drunk alone or had the feeling that i need alcohol, pretty normal i guess. Last year (2016) i started smoking weed (just smoked one time before i was 21 and felt nothing so i had no demand doing it again). Due to new friends and an interest in weed because i found out my father smokes pretty often i started to smoke with friends occasionally and somehow i liked that feeling now. I would even say that after a few times i started to love that feeling. Alcohol was no more fun and i said to myself that its better to smoke sometimes and dont drink anymore except a beer or two sometimes (even my father said that to me). In fall last year i moved from my families house to my own place with a friend. That change in life was awesome i was so motivated, happy and loved the new freedom. Someday i bought my first own weed (maybe because it was possible now to do anything without the parents near) and i couldnt resist trying it out alone. It got more often and between november 2016 and march 2017 i smoked almost everyday i got time but i was still going to work everyday and university (sober). I think it still was a „normal“ amount and sometimes i didnt smoked for 2 weeks or so without a problem. In March a friend of mine died i didnt knew him very good because he lived in another town but somehow it bothered me a lot (dont know if this has something to do with my problem). Smoking weed after this incident was almost the same except that i felt a little tension in my chest and when i tried to sleep it took a while. Then there was the weekend whereupon everything started. On saturday march 25th two friends came over to have a nice evening and smoke some weed. I already worked the whole day and was awake since 5am but i didnt smoked for a week or two so i was excited. It was a great evening but after a while i was really tired and fell asleep for a few minutes when my friends were still there. I got some new weed and they left early like 11pm. I dont know why but instead of going back to bed i smoked another one alone. I felt again an odd tension in my chest and was a bit nervous but after a few hours i fell asleep. The following sunday my girlfriend had no time and i had new weed so the first thing in the morning was smoking again. I smoked three joints over the day i think and felt pretty normal (just normally stoned the whole day). Only in the evening the tension came again but harder this time and there were some „stitches“ in my chest. I was getting nervous but was able to calm down myself. Again it was harder to fall asleep this evening. It was like starting to dream while still awake and realizing it and wake up due to this feeling. The next morning i felt normal again i think and at midday i smoked another one with my flatmate because our internet was broken and we didnt know what to do. Suddenly i felt like being between stoned and sober and i just wanted to be fully sober. Everything felt a bit unreal like a dream somehow and the fact that our internet was not working was strange in my eyes and made me ask myself „is this really happening?“. But i managed to keep calm and said too myself that everything is normal that im just stoned and that i will be sober after a few hours. At the evening the internet suddenly worked again and i felt good again as far as i can remember. But instead of asking myself why i felt so strange and why i had this chest tension and stitches the last days i smoked another joint at this evening. Afterwards i was with a friend on skype playing a videogame when i suddenly had the feeling of getting a heart attack or something i had to lay down and was very anxious (i think this was my first little panic attack). The feeling came like in waves but i was able to calm down myself. It was a strange feeling i felt like not getting enough oxygen in my lungs, couldnt sit still and i just wanted to go outside. I took a walk but back home i didnt felt better. The „getting a heart attack“ feeling came multiple times again. Later it got better somehow and i was able too sleep (its hard to remember details since my memory is one of the main problems now). After this evening everything began and before you ask i never smoked or drank again after this evening (2 months now). The next day i said to my girlfriend that i feel strange somehow but not bad it was a strange feeling in my stomach like being a little sick and nervous. But the day was okay i even was in the city buying some led strips for decoration but when turning them on i realized that it make me feel very sick when the lights were flashing fast. I also got that same sick feeling in my stomach when i tried to focus small text. I thought that this weekend was just too much and its like a small withdrawal. The next they i went to university and in the train i was getting a bit nervous and was glad when i got off but otherwise everything seemed good i could concentrate just like normal. The only thing i noticed was that at midday a had to yawn like every 5 seconds for about an hour and felt a bit light sensitive (but it was one of the first sunny days so i thought my eyes just have to adapt to the new light condition). Back at home i started to feel strange and very nervous again, my heart started to beat very hard and fast and i thought again that i dont get enough oxygen. I went to the hospital because i couldnt calm down. I was so nervous that i was a bit confused, they checked my heart and blood values but everything was fine. After a while i got calm and was glad about the results. I left the hospital and felt pretty okay but was scared to stay alone. The days after i started to feel dizzy and extremely anxious and thought that something really is wrong with me i cried the next days very often for no real reason i felt hopeless and empty (hard to describe that emptiness). I went to my father because i couldnt be alone. At this time i knew something is different and everything felt strange and unreal like a nightmare but i couldnt really describe it and had no idea what was going on. After one week since all started i couldnt focus my eyes on anything for longer than a second and felt like seeing everything with 10 fps also every flickering light made me nervous and feel sick. This got better after a few days but i realized a lot new symptoms which stayed since then. So here is a list of what i noticed after the first strong fear was gone: Visual problems trails but by now only in dawn light condition every light and reflection blinds me and glares, even car, bike or traffic lights at daytime long afterimages of everything, positive and negative lots of grey and normal floaters in every light condition starbursting if the environment is dark around the light sources, gets worse if the light is far away ghosting, especially if its dark and there is white text on dark background everything seems a bit oversaturated at daytime very little static my eyes seem flickering and unsettled the whole time looking at a display is hard feels like looking through a slot or that something semi transparent is diagonal about half the display difficulty to focus my eyes on something for a time longer than a few seconds the feeling that my eyes are to slow if scrolling a website or something sometimes one of my pupils is almost double the size of the other one Other problems tinnitus (had tinnitus on one ear before but now worse and on both ears) constant tension in my whole body sometimes my muscles hurt even without doing sports at the beginning it was very hard to eat constant dizziness not strong but its there everything and everyone seems foreign, especially when looking in someones eyes i feel anxious and sick (maybe dp/dr dont know) cant really sleep, it feels like i instantly start to dream when i close my eyes but never get deep sleep, i wake up every 2 hours and sometimes i cant fall asleep again i feel dumb and cant concentrate at all (brain fog?) it feels like i cant think at all if i want or have to my brain just "does nothing" im really depressed i could cry every second but only because of the thought "you ruined your life, you had everything" no feelings except the one above, i feel like a robot and act the right way only because i know how to but i dont feel it (is this dp?) everything feels like a nightmare sometimes i think im still in my bed and its still march and i hope to wake up, i know this is stupid but im somehow not sure if its not true no sense of time at all, if something happend a second ago and i think about it it feels like it happend years before, i dont have feelings connected to the memories, and they all seem to be far away (anyone know this feeling?) my own thoughts "scare me" and feel also kind of far away, even if i plan to take a shower it feels strange in my head somehow old memories are suddenly in my head even if they happened 15 years ago, they are as clear as things which happened minutes ago, also if i look at something i instantly get a memory in my head which my brain seems to associate with what im seeing (i think this is one of the reasons why i feel like im in a dream and im not in here and now) i see faces and eyes everywhere even without looking for them like my brain searches for them without my control, i see them in trees, walls etc. i can say "its just a tree" and i dont see real faces or eyes but i cant see objects just like they are without my brain starting its rollercoaster drive of thoughts and associations (pareidolia i think but its extreme) i feel like the most important filter in my brain is messed up, in the city i see every reflection, movement etc. also sounds seem louder than before and i cant ignore them (i even hear sounds i didnt heard before, they are real but i think they were filtered out before, maybe hyperacusis) sometimes i think about suicide or behaving strangely and because everything feels unreal and like a dream im scared i will do it, i feel disinhibited somehow i feel like i have forgotten how to think, all i do is associate old memories and compare all the time how things were before 2 months Last week (i think) i found out about HPPD and found many of my symptoms which werent explainable with other disorders, especially those visual problems. I would love to hear some opinions about my symptoms and if they are typically for the HPPD related things like dr/dp, anxiety etc. friends say that i behave just normal only a bit sad and not as happy as before. This is what gives me a little hope because sometimes i thought i become insane. Tanks for reading.
  13. 1 point
    Hey, I have been feeling really down. I have, sort of, accepted I will always have this tremendous panic, anxiety, and depression. And I find in my daily life these things are often reinforced by certain things. I don't have any advice to give. I am sort of watching my life go by. It is not the worst thing in the world, I suppose. But a series of difficult incidences have left me very affected. It's the same sort of emotive/limbic reaction I have had in the past. Except I am older. I deal with it a bit differently. Mortality seems so real now. I will probably never be able to function 'normally' in society ever. Oddly, I see my life playing out to my death. It might be a while or not. I don't know. What I do know is that I feel like I have been forced not to care. No one person in particular is forcing me not to care; I think time is forcing me not to care. In my life, that is the only thing I really am ashamed of is being forced not to care. Because I am a compassionate person. But none of it matters because I think compassion is too much of an abstract idea for people. I have made loads of mistakes. But the core of me is good. I wish you all great love! [This makes me think of this Richard Alpert speech where he says Suffering is caused by the want for permanence. Well, I am definitely paraphrasing, I am not sure exactly what he said, but I think my feelings are going beyond that, in not a great way, at this moment. This is a bad place I am in, permanence or not.]