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  1. About time for a thread like this. I took about 4 grams of shrooms (twice as much as you should on your first time) in early january. Before that all I had done was drink and smoke weed a few times. I tripped really hard, I was in a completely diferent dimension talking to people who don't exist, and time had no meaning. At one point I became really scared that I wasn't going to come back and began freaking out trying to physicaly claw my way back into this world while my eyes were closed. Still the next morning I was fine and I looked at the trip in a positive way. Three weeks later I smoked a little and the night after that I drank a little. The night after the night I drank I woke up from a really messed up dream shaking with really bad anxiety. For the next week I had horrible anxiety and sleep issues (hynagogic hallucinations and such) but no other symptoms. After a week it went away but then a few days later it came back with all that stuff plus 24/7 visual snow and some after-images and some derelization. The next two months were hell but then things started to improve. After 4 months I was feeling a lot better and could ignore HPPD pretty easily, after 6 months I was basically back to normal. It's been almost 7 months now and I still have some very minor symptoms. I am more anxious/moody/prone to depression than I was prior to HPPD but its still improving and I'm confident that these symptoms will completely dissapear soon. In certain lightings I stilll get visual snow but its so minor that if it had never been worse I would think it was just a normal thing that everyone had. Ocasionally I'll get a random visual (like an afterimage or something weirder), but its getting increasingly more rare and honestly might also be normal. I dream vivid dreams all night long it seeems now but thats not really a bad thing. I still have some Hypnagogia issues, I kinda start dreaming while I'm still awake and had a little sleep paralysys a week ago (I thought i was dead), its really hard to explain but its not a problem as long as it doesn't get worse. I also get CEV when I'm trying to sleep sometimes but those are fun now that they aren't there all the time. I didn't use any prescriptions to get to this point, just eating healthy, taking vitamins, exercising, and most importatly ignoring my symptoms and believing that they will go away. Good Luck!
    74 points
  2. Number 2 is particularly hard...........
    63 points
  3. Thats what hurt me the most too...my dad still doesnt believe me haha...do what you think is best i guess
    63 points
  4. Hooooooooooooly shit. Thanks David. "YOU ARE MORE LIKELY TO CORRECTLY DIAGNOSE HPPD IN YOURSELF than receiving a correct diagnosis by a clinician." So true. My Harvard trained psychiatrist attempted to, while contradicting himself at times, tell me I did not have hppd. I will try to dig into these as much as I can, as I am taking a class on the neurological basis of learning and behavior, so this might be just barely what I can comprehend. You're a knight, man. I don't know if everyone realizes it, but you are.
    61 points
  5. what are some of your experiences with breaking the news to your parents? how do you tell them? how have they reacted? i know i have to tell them at some point but don't know what to expect or what a good way to say it would be... :/
    59 points
  6. his is a real interesting read, although the pdf is just showing up as jibberish symbols for me. I find it interesting that non HPPD lsd users do perceive changes, I find it strange how these changes don't bother them. I also like the suggested cause of the disorder put forth, a tendency for receptor density to not return to normal makes so much sense to me, if I understood everything correctly.
    59 points
  7. So i guess the obvious one next is, are you still taking the substance as part of your daily routine? If you felt completely normal i guess it would be hard to just let it go.
    58 points
  8. thanks for posting the report David, so where does the study go from here? Timeframe wise will the placebo tests take place soon? Is there any further areas of study that you are looking into?
    57 points
  9. I really wanted to participate on this trial but unfortunatelly travelling to boston is out of question for me. I would really like to know what is the drug used so I can talk to a local doctor. I think it's unfair that only those who live next to boston or that have the time and resources to travel to it can have the chance of participating.
    56 points
  10. "comfort the desperate" as i said before.. glad you can goto other practitioner's now without the evil eye. hope your well.
    55 points
  11. This post has been promoted to an article
    54 points
  12. I don't think open-label trials work for anything... anyone of us could've conducted one, honestly...
    53 points
  13. EM> just wanna make this clear, you suffer from HPPD from previous drug use? If so this is indeed an even stronger indication that it is genetic
    42 points
  14. Heres a good write up/explination of whats going on when hallucinogens or neurotransmitters enter the synapse. The adjacent neuron’s postsynaptic membrane appears as an elaborate, thickened complex of interlinked proteins gathered on the surface of a dendrite, which is one of the many arborizing extensions of a neuron. Neurotransmitter receptor binding alters the electrical potential of the dendritic membrane, which processes spatially and temporally the incoming barrage of synaptic impulses to form a signal directed toward the cell body. The dendrite receives both excitatory and inhibitory synaptic inputs. Once a sufficient number of receptor binding events occurs and threshold is reached, the postsynaptic neuron then fires an action potential. That momentary electrochemical flux becomes one nod from one neuron among the brain’s hundred billion.1,2
    35 points
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    32 points
  16. Everything in our universe is quite simple, Push/pull concept, up down black white red blue north pole south pole day night sun black hole etc etc etc... well with our receptors its the same concept, agonist inverse agonist, I was thinking that maybe these very potent agonist of the 5ht2a receptors cause such an extreme push that things become out of balance, just like if you decreased suns gravity the earth would fall away, maybe we can utilize inverse 5ht2a agonists to accomplish the rebalancing of our receptors. unfortunately these dont exist that are on the market today, only in clinical trials, for the treatment of insomnia. Anyone have any ideas? Update: Full documentation of this disease can be found on page 24 post #478
    30 points
  17. I have the A:A (met/met) polymorphism of this COMT SNP http://snpedia.com/index.php/Rs4680 I have not tried Sinemet.
    29 points
  18. I had kind of a failed experiment today. I had soaked some tobacco in Damiana tincture last week, and decided to smoke it today. Apparently, smoking it isn't the best idea. Felt kind of high but good for an hour or so, but thereafter I felt unusually strange and fogged out, and just generally felt like shit. Thus I proceeded to drink coffee in a vain attempt to recuperate somewhat from that. Of course, I just felt worse because of that, so in the end I decided to take some Oxazepam, seeing as the last time I had a benzo was months ago. The first time I took Oxazepam I had 10mg's and thought it was overkill. So today I took 5mg's, and guess what? Overkill. At first I got some heightened anxiety, which smoothed out over time and then I just kind of dazed off slowly, to somewhat of a zombified state I am in now. I've had much worse, but this is tiring as well. Actually I think I'm "coming down" and I'm slowly starting to feel better. So my question is: Does anyone have any experience with Oxazepam here? And what dosage is most effective for you? This has only been the second time I have tried it, and it's just too much for me. Perhaps if there's a next time, I'll try 2,5 mg's.. Kind of hard to split a 10mg pill any smaller than that. Just hate the sedation that comes with it..
    23 points
  19. I think this would be a great "next step" for the community. We have testemonies coming up and a lot of other stuff could be made available, like Dr.A interview etc. I stepped down as admin for a long time ago and have no wish to jump on that train but i think it would be a good idea if the channel is controlled/approved by David. Perhaps Jay can put up vids that are being produced as some kinda basic quality control. Of course Jay (or anyone else with the support from David and the community must want to do this. No pressure. Then its up to the community to provide relevant material.
    21 points
  20. This post has been promoted to an article
    21 points
  21. http://voguerx.net/home/ is a romania based overseas supplier without prescription ive been useing for years.. 3 month supply of benzos = cheaper then 1 psyche visit. this is illegal and dont be dumb and order thousands of pills. theyll send it, one time i ordered 500 valium(that was a few months ago) but thatd be a horrid charge if customs happened to get it. customs always overlook a few month supply and at worse send you what we refer to as a "love letter" lettin you know its unlawful, and its more of a scare tactic then anything.. and the site is so discreet with packageing, ordering 100pills to get you by is very safe. cut out the middle man! psychiatrists are retarded, you know your mind better then them on every turn.. dont try benzos unless you were atleast prescribed to them for mental disorder prior or atleast have enough street knowledge to self medicate safly. peace.
    20 points
  22. This post has been promoted to an article
    19 points
  23. Going to start his one up again Hudson Mohawke - Fuse
    19 points
  24. yeah lets do it we would kick ass over visual snow anyday lol
    19 points
  25. ^^^ damn loratemazepam? Where can I get some of that? Sounds like a super benzo.
    19 points
  26. Trudging through the mental anguish I'm unwillingly forced to endure. Slumber transforms into my subconcious sanctuary. An escape from the disturbing reality that plagues my waking existence. I arise from a deep slumber. My visual cortex is immediately bombarded with external stimuli of insignificant nature. Dissociation disrupts my fragile sense of self, and the weight of the world rests heavy on my weakened shoulders. This is my reality.
    19 points
  27. This post has been promoted to an article
    18 points
  28. Here is my success story. I really hope this helps people because when I first got HPPD almost 4 years ago at age 23 I was a total train wreck and thought I would never get my life back. I am certain that this forum played a huge role in saving my life because for a long time I was seriously worried that I would have no other way out than to take my own life. This was definitely my darkest time and it makes me a little sick to think about it but I feel like I owe it to all the kids out there who are suffering. I'll get to the point. I took mushrooms for the first time ever and I flipped out. There seems to be a pretty standard story to this...total fear, a feeling that the trip will never end, it was a feeling I had never felt before. In my mind, I went to hell if it does exist. I woke up the next day feeling wierd, just off, sort of empty. I didnt think it anything serious until a week later, on new years day, I woke up after a night of partying in Las Vegas, and I knew something was wrong, I was sick, I was throwing up, and I was terrified, my vision was changing before my very eyes, everything was moving, and I knew something was wrong, the first thing I thought when I got up...the mushrooms were coming back to get me. I tried to tell myself it would be ok, that I was just sick from drinking, but it didn't stop. I didn't eat for almost a week, and I went to the hospital to get an I.V. to rehydrate me. In the ER, there was a true psychotic woman having an episode, It terrified me, because I felt I could somehow relate to her. I thought I had really lost it and I would never be the same. I'd heard of people "freaking out" and stories from the 60s, musicians like Brian Wilson going nuts on acid ect. and I starting thinking I was one of them now. I went home and felt so empty, but I couldn't even cry. My parents came back from a trip they were on, and it was like I didn't even know them, I was in my own little world. Things that were familiar were foreign to me, nothing was the same. As I worried more, things got worse, I started having panic attacks daily, I couldn't sleep, and my visual symptoms got worse. I had horrible headaches, nausea, paranoia, depression, visuals, the whole nine yards. At this point I think i was pre depersonalized, the panic was very strong, and it drove me deeper into a state of numbness. I was having terrible nightmares when I did sleep, finally, I think my mental anguish drove me into a state of numbness, where I couldn't feel anything around me, just like a zombie. I would say this was about 4-6 months into it. I started seeing therapists, and it helped a bit to have someone I could talk to because I didnt have anyone. None of my friends got it, and I was scared to tell my parents. At that point I wasn't even sure if they were real. I started reading on the forums, and this was a real game changer. I started to learn about some of the things that were happening, like the depersonalization/derealization, anxiety, ect. But more than that, I learned that there were people just like me, that I could talk to and would understand me, and even better that some people had survived it. This gave me what I needed, a little hope. Something to AIM for, a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course I was unsure and skeptical that I would get better, but at this point, in what seems like a rather odd reasoning, I decided that I couldn't be any worse off, and that the only choice I had was to get better, I really had nothing to lose. I knew it wouldn't happen soon but I thought, hell, I've survived this long (it was probably a year in) I can keep going, so I kinda just put my life on autopilot. I bought myself some time, I said, hey I'm just gonna deal with this day to day, not try to push myself too hard, and maybe in a few years I'll at least be able to function. That was a big deal, I accepted my situation, that it was gonna suck now, and that it would be a long time before I got better. During this time I had a lot of bad days, I also had some good ones. But every time that I had a good day, I kinda put that in my mental bank. Like saving pennies at a time. They add up. I made habit of doing things that would promote overall well being. That meant regular exercise programs, eating better, meditation, and yoga. I began to make steady improvements, I started having more good days, and things looked better for me. Someone once described HPPD as sort of like throwing a stone into the water, a huge splash, then lots of waves, ups and downs, and the slowly get less and less intense and I would totally agree. There was a long period of about 1 1/2- 3 years into HPPD that I began to get frustrated because I would feel great and think I finally beat it, then relapse again, I just wanted to be better, but again, time heals. This coming New Years day will be my 4 year anniversary of the day HPPD and I can say that this is behind me. In fact, I look back on it and I almost don't believe myself. It's almost like it was just a terrible nightmare. Which is how I had hoped I would look back on it some day. I want to put it behind me and never look back. But at the same time I want to help the kids that are on here because I know how terrible they feel and they need help just like I did. I owe it to someone because I survived and I want people to know that you can beat it but it takes work and commitment. I still feel a little lost, like I'm not sure who I am as a person, but I at least feel like I know where I am (haha). I just spent 4 years in a nightmare and now I'm awake. So I will try to offer some advice. The forums are great for helping you out, but don't spend too much time here. Don't spend hours on hours reading about peoples problems, about mental disorders. Education is good but at some point it will only make you more obsessive. Also, there is a lot of negativity here that will bring you down, because people that are on here are mostly here because they are having problems, not because they are doing great. For every 1 success story you will read about 20 horror stories. It's like watching the news, they only report on the bad stuff, you will never turn it on and have the reporter say "hey, everything is great." Again, do stuff that promotes good health, a healthy body is a healthy mind. Get outside and enjoy nature. I found it easier to connect with natural objects. Try to feel the sun, or the breeze on your face, little things like that. They can help you feel alive. Stop doing drugs, alcohol, tobacco, or limit your intake if you can. Smoking weed really made things worse for me. Talk to someone that can offer something positive and will understand your situation. If anyone ever wants to talk, on the phone, email, whatever, hit me up. Believe you can get better.
    17 points
  29. Also the qEEG results are something definetly of note.
    17 points
  30. Isnt missjes doing something like that now in brazil?
    16 points
  31. Lately Ive been tantalizing myself with the fantasy of death. I find the thought both terrifying and comforting. It seems as if I have irreversibly destroyed my life. I strive so very much for improvement of some kind, yet all I am met with is false hope and broken dreams. I love my family very much, and I know deep down that I would never take my life, but this journey we call life is more than I can bear. Every relationship ive ever had is shattered or broken in some way, and Ive burned every bridge ive built. So in turn, Im left with absolutely nothing. No self esteem, hardly any hope, broken relationships, and no one who cares to take the time to understand my plight. You people are all that I have. However pitiful that may sound, it is comforting to me that someone somewhere is going through this with me. Ive been waiting to get this off my chest. I find that when I spill my thoughts out on paper, or in this case an internet forum, I feel a little less depressed. Thanks for reading if you are somehow still with me. I guess im done :-/
    16 points
  32. Please reference thread http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/688613-Fasting-to-cure-HPPD Hello folks. I've been suffering from mild HPPD for a few years now (snow, perceptual distortions, "sometimes feels like I'm starting to trip"). I've been fasting intermittently lately to attack other problems (mental fog and stress mainly). But as a side effect, I also noticed that it makes the HPPD symptoms disappear, in as little as a few days. One thing I've noticed that really makes the symptoms go away fast is fasting (as in, caloric restriction of food). In fact, fasting is even purported to cure schizophrenics http://orthomolecular.org/library/jom/1974/pdf/1974-v03n04-p301.pdf Fasting is known to be incredibly effective for improving the brain: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/20534972/ http://www.marksdailyapple.com/fasting-brain-function/ Fasting may even help restore the brain from other forms of drug abuse. Give it a shot and let me know what you guys think. I did an 11 day water fast, and I have not had any symptoms of HPPD since, and actually totally forgot about being bothered by it earlier I think overeating wrecks your brain simply because it causes dopamine to be released, and your current neuronal state (of which if you have HPPD, has some kinks) to be reinforced. When you stop eating, AS I UNDERSTAND IT, your brain starts falling back to more previous, earlier versions of neuronal states and networks (healthier ones BEFORE YOU HAD HPPD), in an attempt to "remember" where food was/could have been (and that's why your dreams become so vivid... your brain is deconstructing the less beneficial "HPPD-tainted" neuronal connections and reactivating/reinforcing your older HPPD-less connections. I support my theory by presenting the following article (and all others on fasting seem to be similar): http://www.theguardian.com/society/2012/feb/18/fasting-protect-brain-diseases-scientists "When resources became scarce, our ancestors would have had to scrounge for food," said Mattson. "Those whose brains responded best – who remembered where promising sources could be found or recalled how to avoid predators — would have been the ones who got the food. Thus a mechanism linking periods of starvation to neural growth would have evolved." "The cells of the brain are put under mild stress that is analogous to the effects of exercise on muscle cells," said Mattson. "The overall effect is beneficial."
    15 points
  33. I have yet to decide how to proceed but I thought I'd let the community know. I got tested due to some unusual symptoms that I have as well as a history of red markings on my legs that lasted a month a couple of years ago.
    15 points
  34. File Name: Coluracetam for HPPD File Submitter: onedayillsailagain File Submitted: 18 Aug 2013 File Category: HPPD Research Articles Here's the PDF version of the Coluracetam article.. Haha why didn't I think of this earlier? Oh well. Click here to download this file
    15 points
  35. I explained my story 8-10 months for my first recovery now I'm dealing with a secondhand pot relapse or PTSD or whatever I'm confident ill beat this again but I'm on month 2 of my relapse
    15 points
  36. Call me crazy and it wasn't really an intentional trial. I was offered to try mushers the past weekend and I was very reluctant due to my hppd. Almost not having tripped in over 2 to 3 years I dumbassedly did them. Coincidentally I woke up the next day feeling a bit more complete about myself and ever since the past weekend from this date I can say while my hppd hasn't changed my depersonalization has greatly decreased. I don't feel as depressed and I do still have instances where everything feels surreal I have a more sense of calm about everything. Now I'm not saying repeat after me. Just thought I'd like to share my experience. I remember going into it fearfully thinking what have I done but come out with a new perspective on my condition.
    14 points
  37. Well I went and saw my neurologist today and he said he researched depersonalization and stuff and wanted to start me out on lamictal. I actually never heard of it so like with all medicines I searched for it in here and seems promising so I'm gonna start it when I wake up. I've noticed a couple people say visuals got worse while on it, I was wondering if that was permanent or it went away when you stopped?
    14 points
  38. As you all know, there hasn't always been a certain link between HPPD and the genetic predisposition it may impose. I have some interesting facts to share with you, as you know, I have HPPD, but.. so does my brother. Another interesting fact is that my mother has suffered from Migraines basically since I can remember, now if this isn't something to do with genetics involving Migraines and or a predisposition, it's one hell of a coincidence. Please share your thoughts and I'll try and answer any question you have.
    14 points
  39. I wish there was an example of 100% recovery. Not the usual, "im successful but I can still notice some symptoms." Although this is not an HPPD success story, I do have a brain success story. There was a time, after a heavy night of drinking, I developed mild vertigo. (Havent tried mdma/lsd at this point. only weed. anyways,) It took me about 6 month to recover from it. As one of the other post mentioned, our brain does count in months and years so try to not to worry about it on a daily basis.
    14 points
  40. Great idea Jay. Yeah number 2 is really tough. Keeping busy so you don't have time to dwell on it definitely helps.
    14 points
  41. Just out of curiosity I was wondering how many people here have actually tripped since the onset of their hppd... For some reason I could imagine shrooms being fine as I've never had a negative experience on them, LSD is completely different story however...
    13 points
  42. So I havent been active lately on this website. Mostly because im just trying to live my life with as little reminders as possible about hppd. So lately ive been taking st johns wort and it has helped immensly with my depersonalization. I feel closer and closer to the person I was and now am. Reality is now within my grasp. Im getting motivation again and im so happy about that. Ive been going on long bike rides every day,eating organic food, and taking tons of healthy good supplements. I believe my depersonalization was due to a serotonin deficiency. I should also mention that I got a little carried away and thought I could smoke some weed again. Strangely it did not affect my depersonalization, but it drastically affected my visuals. Thankfully the geometric patterning I was seeing while high did not stay, but the weed did make my trailing of lights and pisitive after images slightly worse. I do have hope though that they will diminish again with healthy diet and exercise. So to conclude this thread, i highly suggest st johns wort for depersonlization. Give it a couple weeks or more though. It could take a little time to kick in. Stay healthy and happy guys. You can get through this.
    13 points
  43. Hi guys, So I have mild HPPD, had it 3 weeks now (I'm aware of the 6 month rule! But I deffo have it...) I'm mid twenties and live in the UK. After 6 months of reading up on drugs, those that are dangerous and addictive. Those that cause the least harm etc. I learnt so much, and watched so many documentaries! I decided the government were trying to hide these hidden fruits from us and that I should investigate to see what they are all about! Drugs aren't all bad... I thought. Took a small dose of mushrooms (most fun I'd had in years!) and after noticed I could move text on a computer screen at will. Thought nothing of it. (Shame really!) Second dose of mushrooms and it didn't get any worse (Again a very jolly and positive trip). Large 300mg MDMA dose 2 weeks later (my third drug encounter, damn this drug made me so happy, I just loved everyone and life itself for those 4 hours, will never forget it) and then 300mg of unknown a few hours after (Think BZP/mCPP (Whoops...! These should never be mixed but I thought it was more MDMA and I just got caught up in it all *cries a little* This is a massive regret that I'm finding hard to deal with! I'm normally such a cautious person, to find myself buying drugs in a club from a random whilst thinking I can get that MDMA high back is just painful) ...and a couple of days later I got this head pressure. It's not gone since! - Moves around my head - Gets better after exercise (Increased blood flow) - Goes away to a point I can almost ignore it if I try and forget about it (anxiety related) - Accompanied by a numb feeling scalp! - Reduces by a lot in the evening HPPD: -VS at night (turning bedroom light off, night vision is much worse than before) barely visible during the day, seen it perhaps twice -Have after images a few times but very rare. (seen clearly twice) -Headlights are brighter -Have to concentrate reading text on phone, I find myself moving the text up and down to stop the static text making myself trip out! I can't read erowid at all because the text/background colour combo destroys me! -Legs feel light sometimes when walking -Seen the black sperms once but tbh I don't go looking for them! I try and ignore all my visual hppd and it's getting better! -Drop in Libido All the above are more noticeable when I'm tired! Especially the drop in libido! ;-) Not got: -No de personalisation, never done any drugs that do this so I don't really know what it would feel like -Depression is minimal but this headache is getting me down, that's for sure. The thought of never being able to do drugs again (I'd only just discovered shrooms and mdma!) is also a bit upsetting but probably a blessing in a very good disguise. -No visual trails -No tinitus (Please, please, please don't let me get this now!) I'm not sure if this head pressure is due to the painfully poor combo of drugs or the HPPD or both. What I do know is that if it went I'd be a hell of a lot happier and could certainly move on from thinking about my HPPD. Not read many success stories though of shifting their head pressure so I'm kind of letting that sink in at the moment! I eat healthily, exercise. taking magnesium tablets (just one a day) and cod liver oil (1000mg a day) and multivitamins. I'd love to hear from someone that has had this head pressure I describe and managed to beat it? I spoke to my GP about it (UK) and he said "well we all get headaches...!" "Come back in a few months if you still have it!" Anyway, so much negativity! I'm generally a happy guy, love my gf, have a good job and a loving family. I understand how serious some of you guys have HPPD and reading about it has put me off drugs for life. It's clearly not the path I'm destined for and I wish you all well and hope you make a good recovery. My gf has also since said to me she thinks headlights are brighter to her since the MDMA night so I think she may be susceptible too, so I'm not going to let her try shrooms to risk it!! She also said her depth perception is wack since... not something I have noticed but I have read some others have? Drugs are out of our life for sure. So is alcohol. I had a few sips of wine and my visuals were worse the next morning so no more for me! I'm going to turn into a right boring person! This sucks seeing as I just made 25L of strawberry wine and have a few gallons of larger to brew! Aren't my friends lucky when they get all this alcohol handed to them! I have read a lot about hppd in the last few weeks and the main bit of advice I read time and again is... don't think about it! So I'm not going to check the forum too often but will be back to (hopefully) reply to some of your comments Now... to shift this head pressure... maybe if I just go for one more run...! Take care,
    12 points
  44. hello my name is martin 32 years old i tuk some lsd 24 oktober, and now i can t feel my emotions Does anyone know the symptoms?
    12 points
  45. Did anyone here use anabolic steroids while under HPPD? If so, please tell me your experience. Did your symptoms got worse? Or has nothing changed ( Except getting very big )? Thanks in advance!
    12 points
  46. This post has been promoted to an article
    12 points
  47. I am waiting in his office as we speak. Nervous as can be...
    12 points
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