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  1. 71 points
    About time for a thread like this. I took about 4 grams of shrooms (twice as much as you should on your first time) in early january. Before that all I had done was drink and smoke weed a few times. I tripped really hard, I was in a completely diferent dimension talking to people who don't exist, and time had no meaning. At one point I became really scared that I wasn't going to come back and began freaking out trying to physicaly claw my way back into this world while my eyes were closed. Still the next morning I was fine and I looked at the trip in a positive way. Three weeks later I smoked a little and the night after that I drank a little. The night after the night I drank I woke up from a really messed up dream shaking with really bad anxiety. For the next week I had horrible anxiety and sleep issues (hynagogic hallucinations and such) but no other symptoms. After a week it went away but then a few days later it came back with all that stuff plus 24/7 visual snow and some after-images and some derelization. The next two months were hell but then things started to improve. After 4 months I was feeling a lot better and could ignore HPPD pretty easily, after 6 months I was basically back to normal. It's been almost 7 months now and I still have some very minor symptoms. I am more anxious/moody/prone to depression than I was prior to HPPD but its still improving and I'm confident that these symptoms will completely dissapear soon. In certain lightings I stilll get visual snow but its so minor that if it had never been worse I would think it was just a normal thing that everyone had. Ocasionally I'll get a random visual (like an afterimage or something weirder), but its getting increasingly more rare and honestly might also be normal. I dream vivid dreams all night long it seeems now but thats not really a bad thing. I still have some Hypnagogia issues, I kinda start dreaming while I'm still awake and had a little sleep paralysys a week ago (I thought i was dead), its really hard to explain but its not a problem as long as it doesn't get worse. I also get CEV when I'm trying to sleep sometimes but those are fun now that they aren't there all the time. I didn't use any prescriptions to get to this point, just eating healthy, taking vitamins, exercising, and most importatly ignoring my symptoms and believing that they will go away. Good Luck!
  2. 52 points
  3. 7 points
    I am here for several reasons. Foremost, my 23 year old son has HPPD and I am personally touched by this. His struggles parallel what others feel and experience as written here. Living with HPPD is a private hell – seems. It is met with misunderstanding and judgment from an insensitive society and an uninformed professional medical community, generally speaking, with exception of very few doctors who are HPPD champions. It seems most members here are unofficially diagnosed… seeking information what to expect, where to go, how to feel better, lead life unencumbered. What a Godsend this forum is. I am here because I believe HPPD sufferers need advocacy… This means caregivers and the community leaders are needed to speak for them when they cannot, to represent their needs, to make a difference, to carry a torch and make inroads in research and awareness. To YOU, I extend my hands to help, my heart, my time. I am a psychologist, researcher, and writer…. and I care very, very much. So many faces, different places, the stories so similar…. Too little resources, no place to turn, just each other to help. I am only one person, but bring it on… and let’s get started to do something good. Please visit my website, Faces of HPPD www.facesofhppd.com which is established as a project to compile information about HPPD from those who have received official diagnosis and treatment, so that all can learn about living with HPPD. Faces of HPPD is not intended to compete with this forum… but to expand the sharing of resources and knowledge. I hope in some way I can be a force to make a small difference. God speed to each and everyone of you! Doreen Lewis, PhD (in Florida)
  4. 5 points
    Please stop smoking weed.
  5. 4 points
    Hello, I'm recovered for 90-95% of this illness, I've suffered with HPPD for a period of 5-6 years . The only thing I suffer from now is chaotic thinking. A good night sleep makes this symptom relative obsolete though. So what did I do, right? HPPD really started to fade when I stopped all the drugs. This includes even smoking and probally drinking coffee. And to eat healthy, and to sport frequently. I think sporting as much as possible is even better. Also thinking postive is important too, try to go on with your life. Try to hit the hard but "good-for-u" roads frequently. What I also personally came across, that the cause of increased anxiety is not related to HPPD. HPPD only makes anxiety worse. Before HPPD kicked in I already had semi social anxiety. Focusing on such pre-existing anxieties is much better then on:"anxiety is from HPPD". A extra tip: I know it's really hard to step out your friend group. I think most friend groups who uses drugs frequently posses this strong loyal or tight band thingies. Specially when you're young, this youth culture kinda is your entire world. I think I'm lucky I converted to christianity in that period of time. I want to say some things about stepping out of such groups. I'm now in my 20's, and now with a more mature mind. I'm really thankfull I'm not in that place anymore. To be frank, I'm attending a good education and hang arround with the good people(I also used to hang arround plain thugs/hoodlums). I know almost certain, If I've stayed in this group I still have HPPD; and I'd be still in that dark corner of society. Some health boosts: I was quite desperate in the times of suffering of HPPD. So I played a bit with anti-oxidants. I discovered that some anti-oxidants helped with HPPD. Which are: L-carnosine, r-fraction alpa lipoic acid and astaxanthine. This above anti-oxidants has the rare behaviour that it acces the brain. Anti-oxidants, simply said, cleans the body of "waste/dump". If you're non-functional withouth coffee, you could try as substitute: Acetyl L-carnitine. It's a natural energizer. If you're having a hard time to stop smoking, ask your doctor if he/she can prescribe champix. Ps: sorry for my spelling & grammar, I'm dutch.
  6. 3 points
    You might have a form of mild hppd or pre-hppd (if you only really see issues when you force yourself to find them, i would call that pre-hppd)... I personally believe that you probably can get hppd from strong weed but that it is far, far more likely you will recover. Stay calm, try to get out and fill your life with fun and interesting things to do,,, you will stop focusing on these issuess more and more
  7. 3 points
    Your story follows a very common theme here, as has been pointed out by above members of this site. I too had symptoms of HPPD from the time I was about 15 until 20. I did a lot of drugs in high school and at some point ended up with visual snow, depersonalization and slight afterimages, all of which are standard HPPD symptoms. After I graduated high school I actually took it easy on drugs my freshman year of college and within a few years I was symptom free. I took a few hallucinogens here and there but was always careful in never taking too much. Well, six years later all it took was a single tab of acid and I was thrown into a world and experience I wouldn't wish on anybody ever in the history of man. It's really clear that you're in a position we all were at one time and ignored. Don't be like us and ignore what your brain is telling you. Drugs don't work for you and your body type. If you keep doing them you'll regret it -- guaranteed. And not only that, you'll regret ever being born. Life on this planet is the greatest gift imaginable. Don't take it for granted. Doing drugs isn't worth it.
  8. 2 points
    Great advice. I know months can feel like decades in that early stage. I vividly remember it myself... But it is essential to give yourself the best possible chance to recover... Try and remove as much stress from your life as possible. If you need to take time off, do it... If you need to lock yourself in your room, do it... Whatever helps with stress... You can quickly get your life back on track once you recover or learn to deal with this. I would also add that self blame/self loathing is great fuel for stress and anxiety. If at all possible, forgive yourself for taking risks with drugs and realise that no amount of wishing you hadn't done something will ever make it so... It's wasted energy and added stress, so just forgive yourself for doing something that millions of others do, learn and move on. (easy said than done, i know!).
  9. 2 points
    You sound somewhat like me. It's been six months, and I can tell you one thing for sure. It gets much much better. In retrospect, I was really shaken and worried and never thought I'd reach this point. So firstly, don't worry - the body and mind are complex and they take time. Just help the process by eating nutritious food, exercise (which you already are doing) and reducing caffeine intake. I would also strongly recommend meditation. I can't possibly explain how much it has helped me. You could probably just download an app to help you get started quickly. I'd suggest the app 'Headspace'. For me, apart from starbursts and very slight sensitivity to light almost all symptoms have gone away. Continue with absolutely not smoking pot. And try staying away from alcohol too, because it does hinder the recovery process, but yeah I did end up drinking a couple of times. Keep yourself occupied and don't worry bud. :)
  10. 2 points
    I received a direct message from a user that popped up in my personal email box today regarding a success story post I made on here several years ago. It's one of the first ones on this thread. The direct message actually surprised me as I pretty much altogether have moved on with my life. I saw there were others that I'd missed and I apologize to those people. I did not mean to ignore you. I was happy to see that my post had given people hope. I thought I'd stop in here to give a brief follow up and update. I'm now a fully functioning human being. I'm not perfect but I don't feel like I have any disorder that didn't exist before my ill fated trip. It's kinda crazy to say but I feel like a stronger, more independent person now post HPPD. I'd never go through that again if I had the choice but for those of you in the middle of this, there is light at the end of the tunnel and even a chance to better yourself. I'm now a graduate student at a reputable university working on my Master's degree. I have prospects of going on to earn a pH.D. I'm proud of myself for having the strength to go on and so should all of you that are staying strong. I'm sorry to neglect the forum for so long but I literally had not thought about HPPD in such a long time. I hope you see that as a positive sign that one day the thought may never cross you mind except when you see an odd email in your inbox God bless you all. I thank everyone on this forum that provided support and I in turn hope to do the same. Red
  11. 2 points
    Hi guys, I only recently found out about HPPD after googling these symptoms ive had for a while after my first acid trip: Up until this point I had only ever smoked weed, did mdma regularly and tried a very low dose of psilocibin mushrooms, I decided to try acid next so I bought and tested a couple of 100μg tabs and planned to take one after work one day. So the trip went fine, i was a little overwhelmed but overall it was a good experience and i planned to do it again soon with my girlfriend until I noticed slight visual hallucinations when I was sober. I thought nothing of it and that it would go away in a few days, well here I am 3 months later lol. I experience most of the general visual effects people describe e.g. visual snow, trails behind moving objects and objects changing color/shape, but mostly breathing/undulating walls/objects. If I stop concentrating on something for 1 second the room surrounding me begins to close in, and wont stop until I look at something else. This makes it very difficult to watch tv or relax in general and im kinda freaking out haha. Also, Ive just completed my exams at school but im afraid i will have failed them the symptoms became much more serious in the exam room and it was hard to concentrate. Also, the effects become much more prevolent when using weed, and the visuals are almost indistinguishable from LSD when using mdma. Thanks for reading guys hope you can provide some insight
  12. 2 points
    I saw a quote recently about regret that basically said we all make the best decisions with the information we're given almost all the time, so in this sense regret is sorta meaningless. I totally agree. If any of us knew this was a possibility we wouldn't have taken the drugs that got us here. No sense in looking at the past with regret knowing what we do now. HPPD is an injury of some sort, no doubt about it. The question is what causes it and why. Given the relation to tinnitus as well as a general sensitivity to sound and light waves I'm starting to wonder whether there's some connection to the nervous system in particular. My only wish is that I just knew what happened...
  13. 2 points
    If you can avoid drugs, alcohol and stress for the next few months... I think you will start to see improvements.
  14. 2 points
    It's easy to be pessimistic but there's lots of reason to believe HPPD will gain traction in the public eye soon and therefore generate funding, research and a possible cure. First off, the number of people who have HPPD is likely much larger than any of us think and as Visual Snow Syndrome comes into the public conscious many more will likely come out and share their stories. Also, with the renewed interest in studying LSD and other drugs for scientific purposes there will be more awareness of its dangers, including HPPD, which could lead to more interest from the scientific community. And finally, there's just way more awareness of mental health problems in general these days and with an increasing number of states in the U.S. legalizing weed it's only a matter of time before people report more cases of panic attacks leading to DP-DR and HPPD symptoms as well. The biggest problem right now, as I've stated before, is that there's no unity between the Visual Snow Syndrome community, the HPPD community and the DP-DR community. These disorders all overlap and to some extent seem to be cut from the same cloth yet because they're fragmented there's no real opportunity to gain momentum, awareness and funding. It would be greatly beneficial if these communities could somehow come together, acknowledge their similarities and work together to bring awareness to our struggles. There are so many smart and capable people, but unfortunately these conditions are so crippling I think people are often hesitant to try and make stuff happen.
  15. 2 points
    You're basically giving yourself two choices: Smoke weed so you can fit in and risk having severe stress and HPPD the rest of your life, or be open with your friends about your condition, how you're struggling and how you can't do any drugs, and recover and live a normal life again. Try and take a step back and realize how short sighted it would be to smoke again and risk damaging your brain forever.
  16. 2 points
    Hi Everyone my name is Jon I got hppd a year and a half ago. I am completely free of hppd now. I got hppd after taking shrooms ,lsd , and mdma When I first got it I did not know and just figured it was a bad come down from the drugs but after a few days and I noticed I really had a serious problem. That was a year and a half ago and over the course of the year I took steps to better my health and mentalitly that i know where huge in my recovery process. I just put up a youtube video if you want to watch. youtube.com/watch?v=7S_tCq2WX0w.I think the hardest part about this disorder was the fear of having it and just constant worry about the future and having deep thoughts all the time about life. etc My advice to you would be try and get your mind off of the bizarre and deep thoughts about yourself the world and whatever it is that is making you so scared. I know it sounds alot harder than it can be. Just take very deep slow breath and take every moment as it comes. I good quote from good old abraham licolin " the best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time" I also recommend taking all junk out of your diet because the reason you are here is from drugs that are obviously arent good for your body and brain. Just because some people or most people can handle these drugs not everybody can. You will also need time to let your brain heal and your body counts in months not days so it will need time. But if you stress about it the whole time its not good for you and can prolong the recovery process. If you have a very busy schudeule I would suggest if you can to give yourself the most down time you can to just releax and enjoy the things you love about life. Music,movies,tea. If you have a family that supports you tell them everything and that you need help because your experiencing a rough time and everyone has them. Just do not worry and enjoy the most you can throughout your day. Finally stop hanging out with people who are not understanding your problem and who do not care about you. These people can actually make your condition worse if they are encouraging you to take more drugs and do things you know deep down are bad for you. It comes down to you about how fast you get better. I know you can all do it though because if I CAN THEN ANYBODY CAN. Just to let you all know how bad my situation was. My symptoms incuded Visual distorions, thinking like i was going insane i literaly believed I had skitophrenia because I never had such bizzare thoughts and feelings. I could not connect to life or people I felt like an object in a room. But enough of the negative you can break these feelings like throwing a rock threw glass. Look the other way. Stop paying attention to the negative in the day. And be glad that you are ALIVE because as much as you do not feel it you are just as real and Alive as the pain you are feeling. TRUST ME FRIENDS YOU CAN DO IT!
  17. 2 points
    So did the visuals go away completely for you how long in before they went and was it a gradual dissipation of symptoms or did you just wake up one day and they were gone so to speak great story though dude glad you recovered I'm currently a year and a half into this shit
  18. 1 point
    This is mainly to the newcomers like myself. For those of you just entering your days of hppd, take it from someone who also hasnt had it for very long, ive only had it for 3 months. The first month to months could very well be a hellish ride straight to satans throne. But one thing id tell you is to not lose hope, insert yourself into discussions with friends and on forums(not just about hppd but anything) take some recommended vitamins like vitamin d3 and b complex and magnesium, get a therapist you can talk to and stay active, all these things will help you get better. While my visual symptoms have not subsided, my physical symptoms on the other hand have. Ive always had social anxiety tho, so for the most part i would say i definitely feel like myself again. I attempted suicide in my first month and its now my third month and im so glad i never did. If theres three things of most importance i could tell you to do 1. Acceptance(accept this is your life as of right now, you cant dwell on the fact you MIGHT have this for the rest of your life because you also MIGHT NOT. My girlfriend told me i just need to take it one day at a time, we live day by day not month by month or day by month, you dont know if youll have this tomorrow or a month from now or a year, which leads to my second) 2. Never give up hope (Accepting that you have it in my opinion is a great step to recovery. But also being hopeful in the possibility of recovery is very important) Acceptance and being positive/hopeful are two great things to feel towards hppd. Its at that point imo you can feel true improvement and recovery. 3. CEASE ALL DRUGS. I cant stress that one enough, let your brain rest. Those in my opinion are the three best things to do when faced with hppd. Granted i may have it milder than a lot of hppders but i do want you guys to know i havent smoked or dosed since the onset, i drank maybe 3 or 4 times(avoid that too if you can) i also have a foot injury right now but most of my improvement came when i was going to the gym and running and sweating like a dog. Hppd isnt the end, but in a lot of ways its an eye opener.
  19. 1 point
    Excellent post. Couldn't agree more with items 1-3. Jay's point regarding self blame is excellent as well. One thing, even if you're symptoms don't seem bad at first and your life isn't hell, proceed with caution. When I stopped using I was kind of stumbling out of a long term psychedelic stupor. The symptoms (visuals) I had were initially kind of reassuring. It wasn't until the years started to go by that I realized it wasn't going away. Sobriety at the first sign, good or bad is important IMHO.
  20. 1 point
    Whats happening is that multiple afflictions are happening at once. The OCD is feeding the anxiety which is feeding the HPPD and dpdr. As a fellow sufferer of ocd you need to try whatever you can to get a grip on the illness. You are not going insane. This is not going to last forever. It will pass and you will be able to move on with life. Every time an objection or counter argument comes up, politely accept the thought as being there and tell yourself that youre recovering and recovery takes time and that you will get better.
  21. 1 point
    Loads of people recover, they just leave without saying anything... I'd say at least 70% recover. 3 months is not much time at all. 1 second after images are not too long, i have them for at least 5 seconds on certain objects, and if i look at a light for even a millisecond, i see an after image for at least 30 seconds. floaters are nothing abnormal at all, you are just noticing them because you are searching your vision. VS is often connected to hppd though. So it is possible you have some form of hppd. Try removing caffeine, at least to test if it helps... Most hppd sufferers cannot tolerate it. Try to keep calm and avoid stress.... Thinking that this is something you are now stuck with for life is not helping and is unlikely too... and even if you are one of the unlucky few, you will find coping mechanisms and will find a way to go on.
  22. 1 point
    I think your symptoms will be gone within 3 months... There is a pattern I have seen in the 10 years or so of being on this forum and you seem to fit it well.. Keep up the excerise, eat healthy, keep your mind enetertained and stay sober... I'm almost certain you will fully recover. Good luck, Jay
  23. 1 point
    CEVs are Closed Eye Visuals. They were images that were indescribable. Just crazy. As soon as I closed my eyes they would start. For anxiety, meditation has been a huge help. It also helps in dealing with day to day stress. I think one of the biggest benefits is that it taught me how to control my mental chatter. The negative dialogue in my mind was one of the biggest causes of depression and anxiety. Having some control over that has been a huge relief.
  24. 1 point
    I'm repeating myself. I say this over and over. I used to love weed. Smoked it every day, all day long. Then it started to give me panic attacks and it makes my visuals very intense. I didn't quit weed, it quit me. I don't know why it causes anxiety but I'm sure it's related to hppd. It sounds like you're making excellent lifestyle changes. Staying focused and productive is what helped me along.
  25. 1 point
    Yeah man, I'm hoping that in the next couple of weeks it'll be like nothing happened. I had a mate who felt the same way for about a week and a half so I'm staying optimistic.
  26. 1 point
    Just chill and see if this is part of the comedown.... way too early to be thinking your have hppd. I'm sure this will go away over the course of the week Glad that you are now gonna stay drug free and healthy though....
  27. 1 point
    Had HPPD for 3 years. Near suicide for 2 of them. Inches, inches, inches away. About a month before I, if I had to guess, believe I would have killed myself, I tried one last medicine, Keppra, and it cured me 90 percent. I just graduated with a psychology degree from Ole Miss. I am a piece of shit for not being on here sooner to help ANYONE who is afraid, has question, wants advice, just needs someone to talk to, is on the verge of suicide, anything and everything. I owe my life to this site, as it sustained me until I was absolutely and entirely lucky to stumble, after trying about 8 other medicines, something that cured me. And trust me, I know how much hearing someone say "cured" can make you want to throw up you want it so bad. And I would absolutely not say it if I did not mean it one hundred percent. My visual imperiments, after-images etc, did not improve at all I don't believe, but everything else absolutely did. Short term memory, long term memory, ability to speak, derealization and depresonalization decreased by about 90 percent, perhaps more. I even have a list of testimonials to the benefit and effectiveness of Keppra for other people that I compiled in my last ditch attempt to not kill myself, and it is quite honestly what I think convinced the doctor to let me try it. I still have this file that I would love for everyone to have if they want it. So, finally back to return the favor this site gave me, in that it kept me alive like a life boat until I simply got supremely lucky. If anyone is scared, just needs to talk, or are about to kill yourself, I will talk to you, any time, any place, about any thing. When I had HPPD, I was essentially schizophrenic, my sexual orientation mutated into a bysexual sort of thing that was so horrible I would hurt myself to try to feel manly again. I have no problem with any sexual orientation, but I was not gay before HPPD, but I did have the experience of being drawn sexualy to a man, imagining some form of sex with him, with my own father even (that is how merciless the disorder was), and then my former, actual self would sort of snap back into reality and it would literally feel like I had just been raped. It was like desiring to smash one's head into a brick wall, doing it, and then coming to consciousness as a person who did not like their head smashed into a brick wall. Trust me, I have been as low, pathetic, spat upon, disowned, a dissapointment, a disaster, a person who wrote "Happy Birthday" to himself on the dust of his TV screen because no one else was there. I have been, I truly believe, about as low as one can be before suicide. I say all this to encourage anyone to be absolutely not embarrassed in any way if they wish to talk about any sort of problem. I can provide you with philosophy to cope with HPPD, as I would have died much sooner if I had not derived some of these things. I can provide you with how to find/talk to a psychiatrist. I just really, really, desperately want to help ALL OF YOU. If I could hug you all and cry with you, I would, and if you came to my house, I would do that if you needed it. Again, I owe my life to this site. That's it. You can respond to this post if you want to get in touch with me. Also, my email is Locrian4@gmail.com. If you need help, let me know. -Hays
  28. 1 point
    My best advice is to refrain from psychedelics and avoid weed. Smoking amplifiers my visuals to the point where they're really distracting. At least take a break because the symptoms could get worse with continued use. As Thinkers stated, give it some time.
  29. 1 point
    There's a very strong connection between HPPD and anxiety. My actual symptoms themselves haven't really gotten worse because of anxiety but some report the opposite. Best thing you can do is try and tackle your anxiety through therapy, exercise, diet, etc.
  30. 1 point
    Yes, anxiety can make HPPD worse.
  31. 1 point
    I've had it for 36 years. The first couple of years were really bad but it does get better. I've said this before elsewhere, but I imagine we all get this at a very young age and it's hard to determine how much of the early angst is HPPD or just growing up, which is hard on most people. Also, despite my mourning of my previous self early on, if I'm honest I had suffered from depression and anxiety before drugs. For me things started to get better when I accepted my present self as myself. We all have growing up to do and, as a 55 year old I'm still growing and facing up to my behavior. Excercise is the best remedy in my opinion. And anything else that gives you a feeling of self respect and pushing on with your life. Everyone has their issues. The visuals become barely noticable. It's the obsessing over this and the past that's damaging. Treat the symptoms individually, not as a whole. If you're anxious, treat the anxiety. Don't kid yourself that a pill will cure this. That's how you got here in the first place. Get healthy. Good luck.
  32. 1 point
    Ive had it for uhh lets see like 2.5 years. I dont think the HPPD ever goes away. i think its a form of PTSD so if we cure the PTSD i guess we can actually cure the DP
  33. 1 point
    Hi Alex. I have what you describe when you look at carpets. With me it happens when I look at anything with a fine grain (sand, cement, textured ceilings, etc.). I used to have intense CEVs which have cleared up but it took a long time. Note, I dosed hundreds of times so it's not a surprise. I'm not familiar with the chemical you've ingested but I'm assuming it's a psychedelic. Your symptoms sure sound like hppd to me. However, I'm not a doctor or an expert on the topic. I've just had it for a long time. You're doing the right thing by refraining from psychoactive substances. Because you've only dosed a few times I think you have a better chance at recovering. You're also taking care of your body which, for me, helped a lot. Also, the fact that the symptoms fade at times sounds like an excellent sign. My visuals are constant unless I'm focused on something like driving, work, or a hobby where I use my hands. Above all, don't despair! Even if your symptoms don't entirely go away you can live a wonderful and productive life. Hang in there.
  34. 1 point
    Depends how you define brain damage. In it's strictest sense.... You cannot get brain damage from drugs. On a neurological level, I think receptor damage is more than possible, though I don't think it is fully proven or accepted.
  35. 1 point
    I had somewhat of a similar story. I'd been doing drugs since about age 14 and then shortly thereafter a period of extreme stress I took a hit of acid which gave me HPPD. I'm utterly convinced it was a combination of stress, sleeplessness and bad drugs that gave me HPPD. Had I not taken the acid I wouldn't have had HPPD obviously, but I'm still fairly sure that if I didn't have the stress and sleeplessness I wouldn't have HPPD either due to how many drugs I had taken prior to this all happening. It sounds like HPPD can be the result of doing too many drugs over a long period of time wherein the brain simply burns out, but there's also a fair number of people who haven't done that many drugs and end up with HPPD right off the bat due to some sort of coinciding emotional problems or an anxiety attack.
  36. 1 point
    Not that I know of but there should be. I've thought of hosting one once per year when I get healthy but that's still so far away. It'd be great to see how many people showed and especially exciting if we could get some medical professionals to show up too.
  37. 1 point
    I've found that focusing on something like work, a hobby, driving, or even something as simple as bird watching (hey, I'm old) reduces my visuals significantly. If I'm just walking with a clear head my visuals dominate. I'm not sure if that's something that might help but, as I've found, anything is worth a try.
  38. 1 point
    Sometimes I wonder how much of HPPD is focus-based...how much of this we're creating just by thinking about it or acknowledging it in the first place.
  39. 1 point
    CEVs went away roughly 25 years after I stopped dosing. Strange thing was I really didn't notice. One day I just realized they were gone. The mind is a strange place.
  40. 1 point
    That lack of sleep is probably from the withdrawal. Sounds like you are over the hump with the withdrawal. Good news about the sleep!!
  41. 1 point
    From what I've read here and from our discussions it sounds like you're internalizing a great deal of stress. That alone can have a negative reaction on the mind and body. Do you have access to any stress reduction classes? Years ago my doctor sent me to a 8 week meditation program at a nearby teaching hospital. I was skeptical but it turned out to be a miracle at reducing stress and anxiety. Something to consider.
  42. 1 point
    That sounds terrifying, but it's nice to hear you're doing better. My symptoms are more annoying than scary right now, it really just distracts me from what I'm doing and takes me out of the moment.
  43. 1 point
    I'm going to address this in a post, but I do want to say that I need you need to read for my answer (It will take me a little bit of time tonight to write, and I need to read a few things on the board afterwards before I release a video, but I am excited.
  44. 1 point
    Yeah dont do it bro. I was pretty much at 60% and had very mild HPPD, to the point where I even questioned whether it was just the DP/DR i was still dealing with. About 2 months ago I was stood near my friend whilst he was smoking a spliff (didnt even have that much in it as well) and I've had increased visuals and increased DP since. I wouldnt do it if I were you. Out of all the drugs, I do miss weed the most, so understand how you feel. The fact that your even posting this question makes me assume you are aware of the risks. Its just not worth it man
  45. 1 point
    As i've discussed several times before, I use a 4 days on, 3 days off benzo treatment with 10 days off every 2-3 months to further clean the system. It has worked for 7 years now, without any sign of tolerance or withdrawal. I tweak "the recipe" a fair bit, this is my current system: Lorazepam (2.5mg) - Thursday 6pm Clonazepam (1mg) - Friday 9am Clonazepam (1mg) - Saturday 9am Lorazepam (2.5mg) - Sunday 9am
  46. 1 point
    Yes it gets better. I had severe brain fog myself and it's gone. I had a feeling of being disconnected from other people and living behind a glass wall and it's gone. I did not know if events took place two days ago or two hours ago. That's gone too. Definitely sounds you like have some sort of DP/DR. Your brain got exhausted from the drug use, now it needs time to recover. Try to live a healthy and active life. Many HPPD sufferers get fired up from exercise, maybe try some yoga or just light exercise for starters. Yoga in general is one of the best things anyone with HPPD and/ or DPDR can do. Also reflect about your life, maybe take care of things which bothered you all these years. When one has DP/DR, it is always a good opportunity to implement some life changes and think about what you want and what you don't want out of life. Don't pay too close attention to people who say that this is a life sentence, it is just not true. If you browse various forums, you see tons of reports of people who improved dramatically, often completely. This "HPPD is forever" attitude is just plain stupid and dangerous, it makes people with this symptoms just more depressed and anxious. Three months is basically nothing for recovering from HPPD, it is like expecting a broken leg to heal in one day. Give it time and patience, live your life and things will get so much better. You have this one life and it's so short, don't waste it by worrying too much.
  47. 1 point
    Hey, I have been feeling really down. I have, sort of, accepted I will always have this tremendous panic, anxiety, and depression. And I find in my daily life these things are often reinforced by certain things. I don't have any advice to give. I am sort of watching my life go by. It is not the worst thing in the world, I suppose. But a series of difficult incidences have left me very affected. It's the same sort of emotive/limbic reaction I have had in the past. Except I am older. I deal with it a bit differently. Mortality seems so real now. I will probably never be able to function 'normally' in society ever. Oddly, I see my life playing out to my death. It might be a while or not. I don't know. What I do know is that I feel like I have been forced not to care. No one person in particular is forcing me not to care; I think time is forcing me not to care. In my life, that is the only thing I really am ashamed of is being forced not to care. Because I am a compassionate person. But none of it matters because I think compassion is too much of an abstract idea for people. I have made loads of mistakes. But the core of me is good. I wish you all great love! [This makes me think of this Richard Alpert speech where he says Suffering is caused by the want for permanence. Well, I am definitely paraphrasing, I am not sure exactly what he said, but I think my feelings are going beyond that, in not a great way, at this moment. This is a bad place I am in, permanence or not.]
  48. 1 point
    Sounds like I'm having a similar experience. Had HPPD for 20 years after taking Acid aged 14. Was getting a lot better but, like you, I started taking coke and have had a bit of a relapse. If be interested to hear more about these MP3s? Several months ago I mentioned in the introduction forum that I had dealt with HPPD since about 1974 and have for the most part come through it all successfully, though not unscathed by any means. I said I'd share the list of thing that I feel helped me, with the hope that others can find some help too. ---- * Intro: My HPPD started after I'd taken many acid and other hallucinogen trips, smoked a ton of weed, and done lots of other regrettable things over the course of a few years starting at age 14 or 15. This was way before hppd was on anyone's radar. We heard stories of people who tripped and never came down, but didn't believe them. A couple weeks after a particularly unpleasant, anxious acid trip, I started to feel like I was tripping, had visual snow, trails, a feeling of impending disaster, depersonlization, all the classic symptoms. My HPPD had started. * First stop, psychiatrist: I was prescribed antipsychotics, possibly Thorazine at first, then finally settled on Stelzine, with Artane to prevent tardive dyskenisia. For the next several weeks to couple of months, I suffered terribly with the symptoms, which the drugs did nothing to alleviate, as well as the effects of the drugs themselves. Then, on a followup visit to the Dr., he cruelly and dismissively said words to the effect that I was way more fucked up than I thought I was. * Second, fighting back: That catalyzed me - I was going to beat this! THIS WAS THE FIRST STEP TOWARDS HEALING. I vowed that I was going to clean up, get off the antipsychotics, and get my act together. I started with all the usual "good lifestyle" choices: eat right! rest! exercise! And I think this cannot be overemphasized. * Third, refusing to give in: So now I started a long process of simply forcing myself back to normalcy as best I could. I tried various supplements and so forth: even put eggshells in my omelettes because I thought the calcium would help. I don't think anything really did, outside the fundamentals - again: eat right, rest, exercise. I found that walking, hiking, biking was excellent therapy. These basic motor skills are unharmed by the drug effects, unlike things like reading and driving, so were a good basic fallback. Plus the release of endorphins is helpful. Do it. Do it as much as you can. When I would have bad acid trips, walking was about all that I could do, and it was helpful dealing with the HPPD. * Fourth, getting involved: As difficult as it was, I forced myself to be in the world. I went to junior college. I got a girlfriend. The intellectual activity, and the emotional attachment were really helpful. I eventually felt that I was recovering, even though I still felt depersonalization, and still had visual artifacts, and I was able to function quite highly. I had simply given myself no other choice. There weren't any other treatment options, so I determined that if I was going to be on my own with this, I was going to just plug and plug away. * Fifth, staying clean: All this time, I assiduously stayed away from any sort of substances. I have to emphasize this to fellow HPPD sufferers: you cannot afford to put any more psychoactive material in your system. When I got too overconfident in my recovery, I started doing cocaine ... and relapsed. After a night of partying, I looked down at my hand and it had the far-away look of depersonalization, the dawn sky was fully speckled with snow, and I cried my eyes out when I crashed into bed. It was back. DON'T DO ANY SUBSTANCES. I had to regroup, get back with my program, go clean again, and work really damned hard to regain my lost ground. * Sixth, valium when it got bad: Eventjually developed a type of vertigo somewhere along the line, which may or may not have been related to the HPPD. It was like my peripheral vision was out of synch with my body, and it was a chronic feeling of being off balance and of the world moving. It was particularly horrible. So, I saw a vision perception specialist, and took valium - the only drug that ever helped any of my HPPD symptoms. I mention it here because even if the vertigo was not related, I assumed it meant that together with the HPPD it meant I was brain damaged. The valium definitely helped calm the panic about that. Still and all, through this I was able to complete college and live a quite reasonable existence in New York City. * Seventh, vision therapy: because the vertigo seemed vision related I went to a vision therapy specialist, but I think it was helpful with taking my focus away from HPPD visual symptoms. Search on the web for vision therapy modalities; I just briefly looked at http://www.visiontherapyrocks.com, and it looked like it had some good links. * BREAKDOWN * Then I had a psychotic depression. I have no doubt that the HPPD had made me susceptible. But the short version is that I ended up hospitalized, then underwent ECT and was put on an antidepressant. * Eighth, recovering all over again, antidepressant therapy: I believe the ECT helped, as well as the medications. I have been taking carbamzepine and SSRI's (Prozac and Zoloft), and for the most part have been completely unbothered by my HPPD for many years now. Coming out of the depression was a slow road, and I'm sure it was related, but once recovered, my symptoms of HPPD no longer bother me, even when I am aware of trails, afterimages, or snow. The vertigo disappeared too! * Ninth, PTSD treatment: after several trying years, and some unrelated traumas, I decided to look into PTSD treatment. The treatment modality was hypnosis plus EMDR (look it up). In treatment, I realized how traumatic the experience of the drug use and the resulting HPPD had been. The trauma treament I underwent made a huge difference for me in reducing the intensity of my memories of the horror of those times, and helping me integrate more fully. * Tenth, ongoing work on my Self: I continue to work all the time on understanding my mind and feelings. My current work is around Focusing (http://www.focusing.org/newcomers.htm) and it is a useful tool for opening up to exploration of feeling impressions, and guiding one's travel through one's experience. We have worked on my history of HPPD symptoms and it has really helped me feel relief from some of the superstitious and irrational thoughts that were an unconscious burden I carried after all those years of trauma. ----- So that's my success story - I never got totally over the HPPD, and I continue to have personality difficulties that I think are related to all the drug use at such a young age. I still can see more prominent after-images than I like, I see visual snow, I can see faint trails. But I am free of the feelings of dread, free from the depersonalization, have had several long-lasting relationships, have several kids, a BA degree, six-figure income, and am here if I can help any of you! Recap: 1. Antipsychotics, probably not useful. 2. Fight Back! Make a committment that you are going to beat this. 3. Refuse to give up, stay on a program of eat right, rest, exercise, exercise, exercise. I found that sugary crap made symptoms worse. Do veggies! Lots. 4. Get involved. Even though you are in a bad state, try to force yourself to engage in any way you can. Chat up the grocery clerk if nothing else. Try to read, study, do things you (used to) enjoy. 5. Stay clean. Don't even think about doing a little of this or that. Even though coke is not a hallucinagen, doing it set me back years. 6. Try diazepam and related. I found no shame in relief through valium. Do it through your doctor. 7. Try various vision therapies. You can learn to change the focus of your attention, and a sympathetic vision therapist could be really helpful. 8. I underwent hard-core depression therapy, it's not something you can ask for at your Dr.'s office. But I wonder if ECT helped my HPPD! It's possible that the SSRI's and the Tegretol have helped. I just don't have clean data here, for obvious reasons. 9. Try PTSD/EMDR treatment. You are undergoing a traumatic experience, and the trauma just reinforces the HPPD as well. I believe that the PTSD nad EMDR treatments could be excellent help. If you contact me, I will provide a link to a specific practitioner who has MP3 recordings you can buy which may be helpful to you as they have been to me. If there is enough interest, I would contact this person and request a series of custom-made recordings for alleviating the stress, anxiety, and traumatic feelings that go with HPPD. 10. Try Focusing. "Clear a Space. Feel the feelings. See how you would characterise, describe the feeling. Find resonance with how you describe it. Ask yourself what makes it feel the way it does? What does the answer say about it? What does it need, and what is in the way of it feeling better?" This is somewhat like the line of thought that goes into a focusing session, but check the website at focusing.org I hope this helps, even a little. Please let me know if you have any other questions, if you want to find out about the MP3's, or Focusing. Hang in there. Don't Give Up!
  49. 1 point
    Well my name speaks for itself which man did I ever go through the trials and tribulations of "Now I'm into the 25th year of HfucknP.P.D. in 3d): (Lucky me). I won't elaborate on the specifics because anyone who truly has this plague realizes its exasperating interlocutor pacifics: << (Poetic devices) - hehehe!! Brandon, Brandon, Brandon, How the hell did u get H.p.p.d. from smoking weed?? Mang!! Are u certain that it was not laced or sprayed with psychedelic drugs?? If not I have never heard of anyone getting this disorder from Tetrahydrocannabidols psychoactively speaking here of course.. This is a rare case my friend. I'm not trying to point any fingers here but does any kind of mental illnesses run in ur family?? If so u might want to look it up or research it just to make sure, u would know best of the symptoms ur feeling.. This disorder/disease is dam near relentless under the category of understanding it exactly.. It seems to find a placement with conventional pharmaceutical drugs associated with anti-psychotic, seizure, P.T.S.D. and other mental health problems. So far antidotes fall alongside the mentioned above disorders coincidentally.. Diet, exercising, sleep seems to assist in managing it.. Even nootropics seems to be a popular method.. However what ever floats ur boat my friend. My advice to u personally speaking, sleep with as many girls as u can, lol.. Kidding mang, if u can try to stay busy hit ur self actualization write ur goals with plans and dates followed by ur solution to hppd symptoms systematically..<<[meaning when u have a terrible unsympathetic symptom how are u going to defeat it have at least to realistic ways problem solving it] This my friend will build ur self-worth, self-esteem, self-dignity and self-respect. These trait-persona's now are the survival skills u need to put in ur tool belt to function properly in this wacky wild Kool-Aid style world we live in.. It's definitely no walk in the park but it will give u the confidence that u need to prevail. Trust.. I have never met anyone personally with hppd that I'm aware of.. It seems so far or surrealist to me almost like a dream of discombobulated communication. However it would be kool to meet someone of my kind personally.. One day before I die (I'm starting to get really old now) it shall happen law of attraction really works!!^o^♡.♡Θ_Θ(~.^)(*_*) Anyhoot kid, I think I have one of the worse cases of hppd including tinnitus (constant ringing of the ears) and every imaginable symptom of no sympathy from hppd that it can give.. It's like when hppd takes its right foot out of my ass it immediately, immeasurable puts its left foot right back in it.. Damever, I won't lie to yeah this is one treacherous voyage and not the easiest thing to deal with I'm sure u can relate considering the time duration u have had it for.. Reach ur goals stay positive and learn to laugh because that is ur healing grace and don't allow anyone to take that away from u.. Trust.. I'm living proof of this kind. Successful, happy, in love, have a grade 8 edumacation, I really shouldn't say that, 2 degrees << doesn't really mean anything but more bills to pay, 2 dogs, waterfront home, a good sense of humor, outdoor enthusiast, and still coping copiously as I type this to u.. My conclusion is simple: if u don't brake the incantation from this psychological disorder do not under any circumstances sink in the swamp of sadness. If so u will live out ur days in a heap of hell delivered to u in a hand basket.. (Have to come up with some more fresh modernized analogies and metaphors' lol). Keep focused and straight to obtain ur goals that will be ur antidote to this riddle of quest for answers.. Remember that ur not the only one with this type of extraterrestrial feeling.. I would not wish this defecation on anyone.. God save the Queen!! ok mang I'm desperately falling asleep this novel has gone on to longhorn-ish.. I wish u well Brandoo stay away from all drugs keep optimistic and I think u have a real good chance beating this seriously., HPPD24LONGCRAZYDUCKINGYEARSCOULDUIMAGINELONGERTHANUHAVEBEENALIVE. take good care of yourself and others!!! Good nite..
  50. 1 point