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I am here for several reasons. Foremost, my 23 year old son has HPPD and I am personally touched by this. His struggles parallel what others feel and experience as written here. Living with HPPD is a private hell – seems. It is met with misunderstanding and judgment from an insensitive society and an uninformed professional medical community, generally speaking, with exception of very few doctors who are HPPD champions. It seems most members here are unofficially diagnosed… seeking information what to expect, where to go, how to feel better, lead life unencumbered. What a Godsend this forum is. I am here because I believe HPPD sufferers need advocacy… This means caregivers and the community leaders are needed to speak for them when they cannot, to represent their needs, to make a difference, to carry a torch and make inroads in research and awareness. To YOU, I extend my hands to help, my heart, my time. I am a psychologist, researcher, and writer…. and I care very, very much. So many faces, different places, the stories so similar…. Too little resources, no place to turn, just each other to help. I am only one person, but bring it on… and let’s get started to do something good. Please visit my website, Faces of HPPD www.facesofhppd.com which is established as a project to compile information about HPPD from those who have received official diagnosis and treatment, so that all can learn about living with HPPD. Faces of HPPD is not intended to compete with this forum… but to expand the sharing of resources and knowledge. I hope in some way I can be a force to make a small difference. God speed to each and everyone of you! Doreen Lewis, PhD (in Florida)

New to posting so I figured I would share my experience (hopefully to provide a positive outlook to anyone who may be struggling). In March 2013 I went to Miami for a music festival with a group of friends, and purchased several caps of what we thought to be MDMA. After taking 20 mg of the powder (which following testing turned out to be methylone), I experienced a pretty severe panic attack that was well beyond any anxiety I had experienced during taking any drug before. To add context, I had run the gamut with drugs for the most part at this point, having tripped well over 60 times on pretty much all standard psychedelics (as well as a few research chemicals), as well as regularly smoking weed. Following the weekend, I felt a very noticeable shift in my emotional state, as well as a new slew of strange visual symptoms and the overwhelming sensation that I was no longer in reality. I initially believed it must be some sort of neurochemical imbalance caused by taking the "molly" that would subside after a few days. Unfortunately this was not the case. I was unaware of HPPD at the time, and was not sure what to make of all the symptoms I was experiencing. Due to my ignorance of complicating factors, I continued my lifestyle (regularly smoking weed/taking various pscyhotropic substances) and my symptoms progressed. I was attending a competitive university at the time, and by the time finals rolled around I had largely stopped attending class, and my academic performance hit an all time low. Although I heavily considered leaving school, I managed to scrape through and make it to summer (albeit with a substantially lower GPA than I was used to). Throughout the summer I spent hours on hours crawling around the internet trying to self diagnose what was going on, convinced that any clinician would write me off as a permafried junkie, or the like. I fell into a deep depression, and often experienced severe anxiety that compromised my ability to work, interface with friends/family, etc. I essentially cut myself off from the outside world, riddled with guilt/self-pity that my psychonaut escapades had irreversibly damaged my brain, rendering me unable to live a normal life. However in August of that summer, I finally read about HPPD and given the stark number of similarities, instantly was sure that this was what I was experiencing. And so began a long trek to "recovery". I began seeing a therapist, and immediately quit smoking/taking other drugs (although admittedly I have had intermittent bouts of smoking pot since then). It took probably a 1.5 years to grow accustomed to the visual symptoms, but the depersonalization/derealization subsided after about 6 months of abstaining from drugs. Currently I still experience the visual symptoms, but they really don't bother me at this point (they have also decreased in intensity). My emotional state is much better, and although I still experience depression/anxiety on occasion, it is very manageable, and on the whole i consider myself to be happy. I was able to graduate school with a degree in Microbiology, and have started a career I am pretty happy with. My hope in sharing my experience is that although there doesn't seem to be a silver bullet as far as "curing" HPPD, you can still live a very meaningful/rewarding life. My advice probably falls in line with many others on the board, with my greatest strides coming from changing my lifestyle for the better (chilling on the drogas, exercising, finding new hobbies), as well as being able to talk about your experience with others. I really wish the best for anyone experiencing HPPD, and would be happy to chat with anyone going through a rough patch.

2010: used ecstasy once driving back from a family gathering. I never felt high, just dead. The following days my eyes and ears felt very in-sync . And I felt like when I was talking it wasn't me, walking became non natural along with driving 3 weeks later : I convinced myself I had brain damage. Went on Xanax 3mg a day. It helped initially but ended up making it much more I stents during withdrawal 2014 I came off Xanax . It's been 20 months. I began smoking pot to help with withdrawals I quit pot last month. I have never been able to get a buzz from anything since this happened in 2010. I still feel weird when I talk. When I walk, when I drive. I feel like my anxiety always used to affect me emotionally. Since this happened I no longer feel emotional anxiety but physical manifestations of anxiety like the tightness behind my eyes and ears, dizziness. My eyes move weird and are always glazed like I'm high. Nothing really looks how it used to. I used to look at things and make connections , now when I look at building or people it's just like nothing is real I tried to hang myself three weeks ago. So I was admitted into ecmc, and today I get a 12k$ bill. I lost my job recently and I'm 26. Lost my fiancé. I guess the weed was masking all my symptoms and when I quit I was left with the realization that This is NOT me. This is not me. I used to love and feel deeply. Now I'm constantly stuck on what is wrong with me. I can't let go of it because it's with me every waking moment. I used to feel terrible anxiety every morning before this. Now instead I feel terrible dizziness every morning and it slowly fades. Please help