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  1. SaraSara

    Important Research News !

    The Visual Snow Syndrome study carried out by Dr Goadsby is close to starting a treatment phase of research . Yesterday Jen Ambrose posted an update ongofundme : https://www.gofundme.com/visual-snow '' Hello Eye on Vision Supporters!I'm sorry that there was such a long delay in hearing from me, but I sustained an eye injury in Feb and am only recently returning to limited computer use. I do have an update from London to share with you. Patients have begun to be qualified and scheduled for testing. Scans are scheduled for May and June at King's College. This is an important phase of research, because what is learned from these scans will determine how we enter into a treatment phase of research. Without this phase of research, we will not be able to proceed to medication testing. With that being said, I've been approached about funding for Dr. Puledda's salary for another year. Dr. Puledda works under Prof. Goadsby and is the primary doctor assigned to the Visual Snow research at King's college. As stated in previous updates we need approximately $70,000 USD per year to employ her. Currently we have only raised $20,000 USD which is a far off sum from what is actually needed to secure her. Almost all of you reading this who have VS have likely undergone an MRI. You have likely seen the very high bill to your insurance, or you have paid out of pocket. It's not uncommon to see bills over $1000. We are very fortunate that King's College covers all of these costs towards VS research. We need to assist them though by being able to pay Dr. Puledda for her time and efforts on our behalf. We would love for you to become a monthly donor and help us achieve our research funding goals. You can sign-up as a monthly donor here:http://eyeonvision.org/donate-to-the-eye-on-vision-foundation.htmlThank you, Jen Ambrose Please everyone make donations!! I know you guys got visual snow syndrome from drugs ( just as the forum info section itself says : drug induced visual snow syndrome ) but the symptoms are the same . A cure could be on the horizon if we start making donations!!! I've posted links about few other rare diseases that have found cures( or are close to finding one) purely by making large donations and not giving up . This is what patient determination and donations can do : https://www.hippocraticpost.com/innovation/gene-therapy-nervous-system-disorders/ https://www.technologyreview.com/s/603832/determined-parents-are-moving-the-needle-on-gene-therapy/ there are some other articles I came across a while back but I don't have the time to search for all of them again . However I hope that the above articles will inspire you to make donations for the visual snow syndrome research. It's the only option we all have left now !!!
    5 Points
  2. Jay1

    Pre hppd

    You are obsessing, no doubt about it. The likelihood of it getting worse, without any additional drugs, is slim to none. If you are staying away from drugs, then there are only a few things that could make your hppd worse.... SSRIs, heavy amounts of alcohol and stress. Avoid the first two and limit the last and you will not get worse. I would possibly look into CBT or something to try and get past the obsessive thoughts. and no need to apologise about anything... The forum is here to support, not judge.
    3 Points
  3. Ghormeh Sabzi

    In the news

    There's absolutely no reason to be so aggressive and rude. You have a history of it on here, but that's not what this forum is about. If you have a particular opinion, fine, but there's a way of expressing yourself and that's not it. Furthermore, a failure to understand the importance of this study is a failure to understand the scientific process. It is not as simplistic as you make out. I suspect you haven't even read the study, merely the media headline. Science doesn't work by people saying 'based on my experience with LSD, it induces a higher state of consciousness'. No study has ever previously directly demonstrated a 'higher level of consciousness', and indeed the present study also focuses on how this higher level occurs in the psychedelic state. Using one particular scale, they were able to show that if, for example, being asleep is a lowered state of consciousness; being awake is a normal state of consciousness - then based on their measure of brain activity in scans, the psychedelic state is a higher level of consciousness. When we are under anaesthesia / vegetative, our brain signal is relatively most predictable; when we are asleep, our brain signal is relatively less predictable; when we are awake it is even less predictable; and when in the psychedelic state it is least predictable. This holds true for psychedelic states induced by psilocybin, ketamine and LSD - and based on their differing pharmacology, ketamine in particular, it is somewhat surprising they correspond to the same mathematical measure. We still don't understand what consciousness truly is, and this study clearly will aid in that understanding. This study shows that the psychedelic state is a distinct state of consciousness, as is being awake or being asleep, because of the global changes in brain activity observed (i.e. not linked to a particular region e.g. the visual cortex). We did not know this previously. The study helps to quantify what is going on in the brain following intake of psychedelics, and this will help further our understanding of how these kinds of drugs can be therapeutically effective, and will aid progress in being able to use these drugs to treat mentally ill individuals.The study also helps us to understand the level of our consciousness and what we are conscious of. In the study, the greater the subjective psychedelic experience, the greater the observed change in the state of consciousness using their measure. Our awake conscious experience is probably only about 5% of what we are (the rest being subconscious), so them demonstrating an increase in that conscious experience is exciting (although the study needs to be replicated using other measures). Their stated intention is now to see how differing information flow in the psychedelic state leads to different psychedelic experiences e.g. hallucinations, something that's clearly going to be more of interest to our community. Overall, this study supplements our understanding of how hallucinogens work to produce the experiences that they do. I think it says something that this study has initiated significant excitement for world-leading researchers who work in the area of consciousness and/or psychedelics. I should also say that study used recycled data from the brain scans carried out by Dr Cahart-Harris, Prof Nutt, et al at Imperial. That study was crowdfunded with assistance from the Beckley Foundation, who some members on here were in contact with previously.
    3 Points
  4. Jay1

    I need answers

    I'd say you have what I refer to as pre-hppd... If you have to force it on, then it is in a mild form and will very likely go completely if you stay sober, get healthy, eat well etc. At the very worst, you will just stop looking for it (I have a feeling alot of these visual issues were always there, we just filter them out perfectly, pre-drugs) I went through this stage and ignored it (this was before the internet!)... It can become hellish, but only by pouring fuel on the fire... No point getting stressed about it now though, I'd suggest not even bothering reading further until you try the sober/healthy approach and see what is really going on... but the most important thing is to stay sober. Your body/mind is ringing out alarm bells, you have to listen.
    3 Points
  5. K.B.Fante

    Constant open eye CEVs, panic, anxiety

    I was in a similar place as you for a long time. I remember when I first got HPPD it was like being transported into another world because my DP-DR symptoms were so severe. I literally thought I was dreaming this all at one point. Everything looked like a cartoon, people looked like they were sculpted from clay and my visual-spacial recognition system was so completely destroyed I couldn't move my eyes anywhere or track anything across my field of vision without a gigantic and long-lasting smear that persisted for sometimes minutes after I took my eyes away from it. I've made tremendous progress since that time and I attribute most all of it to abstaining from drugs and living a healthy lifestyle, especially with regards to eating habits. I don't know what to tell you other than you're not alone, many people here have suffered from intense HPPD and DP-DR and that 1.5 years is nothing in terms of recovering from HPPD. Also, I've been to so many dark places and thought I'd never make it out alive. I don't know how many times I've contemplated suicide, but I've always pulled through, always somehow found a way out and kept on pushing. After two years I'm so happy I did. Though I still have HPPD it's gotten so much better, especially after transforming my diet, and I'm finally in a place where I'm OK from day to day, which I never could say until now. HPPD is a very long road and a very strenuous fight, but as others have already pointed out life is worth living even if difficult. You just need to give yourself time.
    3 Points
  6. K.B.Fante

    Hello HPPD onilne !

    Your story follows a very common theme here, as has been pointed out by above members of this site. I too had symptoms of HPPD from the time I was about 15 until 20. I did a lot of drugs in high school and at some point ended up with visual snow, depersonalization and slight afterimages, all of which are standard HPPD symptoms. After I graduated high school I actually took it easy on drugs my freshman year of college and within a few years I was symptom free. I took a few hallucinogens here and there but was always careful in never taking too much. Well, six years later all it took was a single tab of acid and I was thrown into a world and experience I wouldn't wish on anybody ever in the history of man. It's really clear that you're in a position we all were at one time and ignored. Don't be like us and ignore what your brain is telling you. Drugs don't work for you and your body type. If you keep doing them you'll regret it -- guaranteed. And not only that, you'll regret ever being born. Life on this planet is the greatest gift imaginable. Don't take it for granted. Doing drugs isn't worth it.
    2 Points
  7. Jay1

    Need medicine but scared to worsen my pre hppd

    Actually, I said you have pre-hppd because you need to think about them before seeing them. Not because you only have VS. As I said on the other thread... Your best bet is something like CBT to stop the obsessive thinking.
    2 Points
  8. K.B.Fante

    Important Research News !

    Just thought I'd post this video since its apt to the discussion at hand and mentions the site Sara has linked to above:
    2 Points
  9. K.B.Fante

    Old article about the brain and LSD

    Was just browsing Google for LSD-related articles when I stumbled upon this from about five years ago: https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/scicurious-brain/httpblogsscientificamericancomscicurious-brain20110802sciam-chemistry-day-lsd-a-drug-only-as-good-as-its-receptors/ Pretty interesting summary of the brain on LSD. I'm not sure if there's been more in depth studies since then but I feel this is a good starting point for those who don't understand what happens inside the brain on acid.
    2 Points
  10. Jay1

    In the news

    It's definitely interesting for our group... If we can start to pinpoint areas of overactivity, we can then look to target them with meds, magnets, electrics etc
    2 Points
  11. fruitgun

    Klonopin

    Never took Klonopin but Jay1 posted his Klonopin routine in another thread. I hope it is still up to date and he does not mind if I post it here: Monday - off Tuesday - off Wednesday - off Thursday 6pm - 1mg Friday 9am - 1.5mg Saturday 9am - 1.5mg Sunday 9am - 1.5mg
    2 Points
  12. MadDoc

    Constant open eye CEVs, panic, anxiety

    Life is hard and it's tough being human. That's reality. However, life is such a miracle (note, I'm an atheist if that's relevant). We're the matter that woke up to bear witness to whatever "this" is. I've learned that perhaps my hppd gives me some insight that others may lack. I understand that day to day life can be difficult with this disorder. I'll be in a meeting at work, holding it together, while all the little dots are grouping into shapes on the table in front of me. It's hard to be normal and I often feel like an alien trying to fit in. But I feel so lucky to be here. The best thing for me was to get focused. When I'm really focused my hppd seems to vanish and I accomplish something that gives me an endorphin bump. It might be something to try. I don't know if what I've written sounds like nonsense but it's what gets me through the grind. I am very grateful for each day I get to wake up and do it again even with the constant hallucinations I experience. We're not lesser human beings because of hppd and we're not bad people for taking drugs to experience non-ordinary reality. We're simply injured. Like someone who has lost a leg or gets cancer we need to adapt and move forward.
    2 Points
  13. MadDoc

    Another one

    I do my meditation practice almost every day and have been doing so for a long time. It helps with mental focus and my hppd is much less pronounced when I'm focused. But that's me. I doubt it can do any harm. You mentioned being 40 years older. It goes by in a flash. Time is strange stuff!
    2 Points
  14. K.B.Fante

    Another one

    That's great drugs have enabled you to see the world differently but if you don't stop them now you might be that way permanently! Only you can decide what's best for yourself in the longrun but I'd urge you to at least give yourself a break for a while to see if your symptoms persist and to see how much you enjoy it. If you think life is pleasurable with 24-7 visual snow, patterns, headaches, etc., then by all means continue doing drugs. If not, then you might want to steer clear of the drug scene until you're completely healthy, or better yet, forever! You only get one life and one body. You might want to think twice before potentially damaging both forever!
    2 Points
  15. Ghormeh Sabzi

    Should I get an MRI?

    Because any structural changes in HPPD (if they even exist) are too small to see with the resolving power of an MRI, which cannot image or even make any indirect suggestions at the level of individual neurons, other cells or microstructures, which you would think might be more pertinent. An MRI can show atrophy/lesions if they are substantive enough to appear on a scan, but keep in mind practitioners assessing the images from the scan are known to occasionally miss something pertinent e.g. small tumours - this gives you an idea of the limitations of an MRI scan. If HPPD has caused physical damage or changes in the brain then those are too small to see with an MRI.
    2 Points
  16. TheMythos

    New psychiatrist

    This is the one that replaced my old pdoc who really worked with me on HPPD and took it seriously. I'm going to show her articles. I couldn't find the keppra one but I found the sinemet one, one where they used lamictal (which I've already tried), and a couple of others just to show her it's a real disorder. I'm going to tell her that these are my next options: *Upping the depakote to see if that does anything * Keppra * Sinemet And will report back with whatever I get and its efficacy.
    1 Points
  17. Jay1

    Hello HPPD onilne !

    If you are in a place where you are even thinking about smoking weed, let alone taking more trips... You are very low on the ladder. You are literally risking your sanity for the rest of your life. I've had this shit for 21 years now because I didn't take it seriously when I reached your stage and carried on taking drugs (mainly lsd and mdma). My life became immeasurably worse and not a day has gone by that I haven't been in serious mental and physical pain. I had to take 3mg of Klonopin to get through my wedding day.. Is another trip worth that sort of life? Drugs are clearly not for you... Enjoy that you learnt the lessons of mushrooms and came out relatively unscathed.
    1 Points
  18. Jay1

    Pouring fuel on the fire

    I'd throw them in the trash... Prozac sent me crazy. If your parents need info, i could take a phone call if it would help?
    1 Points
  19. Jay1

    Inositol

    I have tried it... Did seem to boost my mood a bit, but you need alot, like 10g per day. I'm not really sure how meds or supplements solve an issue like this though. I think something like CBT or meditation would be much more helpful. I would keep any kind of med or supplement as a last resort, not a first resort.
    1 Points
  20. K.B.Fante

    Important Research News !

    Here are the links to the visual snow studies mentioned in the video above: 'Visual Snow' -- a disorder distinct from persistent migraine aura https://academic.oup.com/brain/article/137/5/1419/334357/Visual-snow-a-disorder-distinct-from-persistent Visual snow: A thalamocortical dysrhythmia of the visual pathway? http://www.jocn-journal.com/article/S0967-5868(15)00653-0/abstract Thalamocortical dysrhythmia: A neurological and neuropsychiatric syndrome characterized by magnetoencephalography http://www.pnas.org/content/96/26/15222.full Thalamocortical Dysrhythmia: A Theoretical Update in Tinnitus https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4460809/
    1 Points
  21. TheMythos

    Massive migraine made visuals worse

    https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acephalgic_migraine
    1 Points
  22. TheMythos

    Constant open eye CEVs, panic, anxiety

    https://forums.studentdoctor.net/threads/daytime-parahypnagogia.1095174/ I found this article very interesting. While I'm not seeing overt external hallucinations like this woman I am experiencing something that resembles daytime parahypnagogia, although it all seems mental. There's a part of me that knows this is all bullshit, but a part of me that can't control it. I'm pretty sure it was brought on by extreme stress, panic, and sleep deprivation in late 2015 but I'm not sure how to reverse it. K.B., doc, any ideas?
    1 Points
  23. Jay1

    Important Research News !

    I've made this post sticky... Sounds like great work, so far. Let's all get donating! If you need anyone from the UK for the test, i'm happy to do it... My VS is more like a blizzard
    1 Points
  24. TheMythos

    Important Research News !

    I'll give what I can.
    1 Points
  25. MadDoc

    What are your passions?

    Walking anywhere away from civilization. I like to identify birds and plants on each journey. I guess I'm a nerd wherever I go (:
    1 Points
  26. MadDoc

    Important Research News !

    I've never had visual snow, but apparently many people with hppd do. It's heartening to see someone doing research in that area. Thank you for posting.
    1 Points
  27. SaraSara

    Need medicine but scared to worsen my pre hppd

    Nooo !!! Don't start taking ssri's! I got visual snow, palinopsia, floaters ect from Prozac so do many other ppl and Themythos is right , the whole serotonin chemical imbalance theory is wrong . There are many research papers about it . I know ur mom ect seem fine but u already have vs ,taking something like ssri might make it worse in ur case and give u new visual symptoms. These are the visual problems many have reported from using ssri's : https://rxisk.org/keeping-an-eye-on-the-ball-visual-problems-on-ssris/ if this goes away and I ever get depressed for whatever reason I'm never gonna take ssri's or any new antidepressant that might come on the market !! Just wait for few months, if ur symptoms get worse try keppra or some other treatment others on this forum have recommend for hppd .
    1 Points
  28. K.B.Fante

    In the news

    I always thought it weird how many of the symptoms you experience while tripping are the same ones we end up stuck with after getting HPPD. If you look at the questionnaire scores from that study they're basically a list of HPPD and DP symptoms, and yet they're also supposedly the feelings one gets while high on hallucinogens. Also, I find the graphics in that study showing electrical activity inside the brain while on LSD quite interesting. The occipital lobe seems to be most active and this is also where visual snow hypermetabolism occurs and where some people with DP have shown lesions. As I've mentioned in a few posts, I had a really intense sensation of being sucked to the back of my mind while tripping, and that's also a DP symptom as well (seeing the world from the back of your head). I dunno, just seems like there may be something there...
    1 Points
  29. MadDoc

    In the news

    Thank you for posting the article. Interesting! Is ketamin the "date rape" drug? I'd never heard that. I think anyone who has taken a significant dose would agree. I remember the insight into things. It was like seeing the world for the first time. Did I experience a higher level of conciousness or did I just perceive that I did? But perception is reality to the observer, so .... hmmmmm.
    1 Points
  30. TheMythos

    I need answers

    It's going to be hard in your early 20s but you should probably stop all drug use. It could lead you down a path of suffering that you don't want to go down. It sounds like a mild case of hppd. Anxiety is probably your biggest problem right now though. Visual snow was my first symptom in 2009 after taking mushrooms and its still there but I don't notice it anymore. My brain has filtered it out from my existence as being a problem. The visuals don't bother me at all anymore. Just give it time abstain from all drug use and you'll get better.
    1 Points
  31. SaraSara

    Negative reaction to caffeine

    I honestly don't know . I'm not qualified to answer these questions but maybe benzo's , ssri's , lsd , xct ect all mess up with our receptors , synapses ect which damages the neurons or changes the way they function. Even so , our genes allow this damage/change . Majority of ppl don't end up in this mess . Hppd/vs is extremely rare or else it would have had attention from many academics ages ago. I think those who get it after heavy drug use probably have stronger genes but not strong/correct enough which eventually leads to damage/change(or death) in neuronal function . Whatever it is there probably is a common pathway and genetics play a huge role so we might need a combination of drug and gene therapy to reverse the visuals or a combination of gene and stem cell therapy. If the visual symptoms totally disappear dp/dr will go away too . But I don't know how or why some ppl have dp/dr without visual snow. I guess their case is more psychiatric and not neurological. Whereas in our case the psychological problems are brought on by the visual disturbances. I've never had dp/dr but vs is making me miserable. I had never experienced depression or anxiety until I got this horrible disease. Looking back I really regret that I took ssri's simply because I was down due to a messy relationship. I thought I was depressed but now I know I wasn't. It was just a normal phase . I really believe that if hppd and visual snow patients unite and start making monthly donations we will understand this disease and get closer to finding a cure . Dividing into different groups isn't a good idea at this stage . Usually researchers start with a common definition and after that they divide them into sub groups such as in epilepsy. A cure will only come if we fight together and get this disease officially recognised!
    1 Points
  32. SaraSara

    Negative reaction to caffeine

    U know what I find so weird ? Vs and hppd patients are suffering a lot but most are not willing to donate money into research. Many keep saying; 'oh we will never find a cure' but if u keep thinking like that nothing will ever be solved . take this rare disease for example; https://www.technologyreview.com/s/603832/determined-parents-are-moving-the-needle-on-gene-therapy/ through active patient donations they're close to a cure ! or this one : https://www.hippocraticpost.com/innovation/gene-therapy-nervous-system-disorders/ David Kozin wanted to dedicate his time completely to find a cure for hppd : https://m.facebook.com/HPPDonline/posts/606793636072012 His strategy makes sense and is achievable if ppl become more active and start making donations! once I get a new job I'm willing to donate if this plan ever goes through! In the meantime we can all perhaps start donating money to Dr Goadsby's visual snow research? Rare diseases can be cured if proper research is conducted and for that we all need to donate few pounds , euros or dollars a month . Is neurogroup run by David or someone else ? I read somewhere that they were going to start research but that was a while back and I haven't seen them posting any updates about research ect . Seriously ppl we need to take action and push for research! Push for a cure ! Simply talking about our symptoms or hypothesising about a possible cure isn't gonna take us anywhere.
    1 Points
  33. TheMythos

    Another one

    It sounds like hppd. Everyone experiences it differently though. Get your eyes tested to make sure nothing's wrong there. Concerning the drug use...I got hppd in 2009 and continued to use drugs. I was fine for years. Until I wasn't. You need to be really careful man. I wouldn't wish what I've gone through in the past year and a half on anyone. Do yourself a favor and abstain. It's just not worth it. That's all I've got to say.
    1 Points
  34. umit

    Do you have regret?

    Took me 6 to 9 months to recover from dp/dr by 4 to 5 times training and switching with running, jogging and cycling, and long distance walking to reaching close to completely cure took me 1 year and few months
    1 Points
  35. fruitgun

    Klonopin

    Which symptoms does Klonopin help most for? I have never taken any benzo, are you still able to concentrate on tasks while on it?
    1 Points
  36. Lallo

    Start medication right now or just wait?

    Thank you for the response! I will probably go at least a year before trying out meds then. I had anxiety and still have but it has gotten better. It's worse when the visual and dp symptoms arise. My workouts have been helping me a lot and I will ofc continue with stuff that make me feel better. I'm trying to cut out on all the stress I can but I'm in university and studying really hard so obviously it's been hard to stay on track with this happening. Thank you for your responses and sending the best and most positive vibes back at you guys!
    1 Points
  37. K.B.Fante

    Constant open eye CEVs, panic, anxiety

    I've tried over a hundred supplements, pharmaceuticals, herbal remedies, you name it -- not to mention a complete and ongoing transformation of my diet and health habits -- and if there's one thing I've become an expert at over the last few years it's monitoring my emotions, my thoughts, my anxiety and asking myself what I took or ate that could be contributing to the way I feel. I've had other health issues that have required this constant inventory too and so I'm essentially at the point where I just watch myself all day long, constantly taking stock of my body chemistry, and if there's one thing I've learned throughout this process it's that everything happens for a reason -- at least in terms of your body chemistry. I'd really encourage you to try and examine what time of day you feel best, worst, when you have anxiety, when you don't, and so on, even writing this all down in a journal if you have to, and then evaluating what you ate, what pills you took, how much you exercised and seeing if there's any correlation with how you feel. I'd be willing to bet you could figure out at least one common bond that's contributing to the way you feel. A perfect example from my life: About a week ago I started buying potatoes because they're high in iodine and I need to be on a high iodine diet for my health. I haven't really bought potatoes in over a year, however, since I started eating a more paleo-centric diet. So one night I cook up a potato for dinner, then about three in the morning I wake up completely wide awake, heart beating, with absolutely no explanation as to why I'm feeling this way. I haven't had bad anxiety in over a year, there's nothing on my mind that could be keeping my awake, I just suddenly popped up and couldn't go back to sleep. In the morning I did what I usually do when something like this happens and analyzed my diet the day before. I knew I didn't have lots of sugar before bed, and I ate mostly everything I usually do -- except for the potatoes. I then do a little research online and come across several articles that talk about how potatoes are high in carbs and one of the worst foods for people with anxiety and adrenal issues. And there I had it! I was so not used to consuming lots of carbs that when I did it took a huge toll on my sleep and gave me anxiety for the first time in over a year! And all just because of the food I ate. All I'm saying is there's reasons behind the way we feel and it's worth it to try and ask why. Maybe HPPD brains are a bit more haywire than others, but I do think in general you can get to the bottom of your emotions and anxiety by really taking a good hard look at everything you're doing, eating and thinking throughout the day.
    1 Points
  38. tlehmbecker

    Feeling kinda stuck...

    Well, my journey with HPPD (and mental illness in general) has come a long way in the two years since I started having issues, and it hasn't really improved. It feels like I've plateaued in terms of my illnesses. For awhile it was really bad and getting worse, but everything has tapered off some and I'm just kind of stuck at the same level, not really improving nor worsening (though I do feel like I'm getting worse). Through everything my HPPD hasn't improved and if anything, has actually gotten worse. I've learned to live with it somewhat, but it still causes me a lot of distress. I really just want something to actually help. Everything I've tried has failed in one way or another. Even if that something only reduces my symptoms by 10 or maybe 20% I'd be happy. Anything that makes me feel normal, like how I felt prior to 2015, is a plus and so far I've found nothing. Sure, the clonazepam has helped tremendously with my anxiety, but I've traded one problem for another, namely dependence and tolerance. While I've managed to halve my daily dosage, I'm still dosing daily and I don't want to. Not only that, but the clonazepam is losing it's effectiveness. Before it used to kill all my anxiety, now it just sort attenuates the lingering, daily anxiety and does nothing for circumstantial anxiety unless I pop another tab on the spot (I had two panic attacks on Saturday, both simply because my phone rang and it took me several hours and an extra clonazepam just to get back to baseline). I'm also getting more and more depressed, and the suicidal thoughts are starting to creep back in. Most days it's a chore getting out of bed to go to class and work. Most days I just want to stay at home in my bed sleeping or browsing the internet. I've lost my motivation and joy. This might just be seasonal though as in the summer and fall I was hardly depressed. I don't know, maybe it's the stress and pressure of my new job, or some deep seated anxiety about what happens after I get my degree, but I just feel stuck and quite frankly helpless. Sorry if this wasn't informative or thought provoking, or anything really. I just wanted to vent since I really don't have anyone to talk to, no friends, no therapists (not to mention I think therapy is a crock of shit), no family, no one that I can turn to and just say, "Hey, is it all right if we just talk for a minute? I really need to get some stuff off my mind." I mean, being lonely and not having anyone really gets to you, and your emotions just sort of bottle themselves up and fester. I've got a lot of things pent up inside, but no release and it's just really getting to me as of late. Thanks guys.
    1 Points
  39. Nico_tao_tao

    Constant open eye CEVs, panic, anxiety

    Why were you prescribed the Abilify and what effet does it have on you? I'm asking this because I've been on Abilify for 3 months and it has been awful,
    1 Points
  40. MadDoc

    Constant open eye CEVs, panic, anxiety

    For many years I had totally indescribable moving images in my head when my eyes were closed. Like tripping but far more wierd. They were so bizarre I really can't describe it fully. That's the one part of my hppd that went away. I'm not saying my head has totally cleared but it's much better though it took quite a while to heal. Just as a point of reference, I dosed heavily for about 6 years. You are not as you said "fucked in the brain". The fact that you wrote such a coherent post proves you're all there and clearly intelligent . The brain is very elastic and can adapt. I think the best thing to is to stop dosing and refrain from weed to see if things improve. Also, even with this condition you can live a wonderful and productive life. I mean that! Hang in there!
    1 Points
  41. Sucios_numbaine

    Constant open eye CEVs, panic, anxiety

    i know exactly what you mean, i also get weird mental images that pop into my head randomly but for me it only happens when my eyes are closed. You didnt fuck up your brain, its simply hppd fucking with you and i know its hard to believe your sane with all this shit going on, but since you did get yourself checked out and they said your fine, and since i also can relate to everything your saying (mental images although i have it to a lesser extent,things moving, changed perception on the world , feeling like your going crazy, etc.) i honestly think it boils down to hppd, dr/dp and anxiety. Keep in mind hppd comes in all shapes and sizes, some people may have stronger visuals, while some people may have very little visuals and a lot more mental aspects of it. I obviously dont know what is best for you (i.e if you should take medication or not). I found that medication didnt help me at all but it changes between person to person, but remember counseling may help. If you do decide to take medication you will probably be prescribed either an SSRI or an antipsychotic, SSRI's have been shown to help about 50% of people with hppd but the other 50% of people who took it, it made there hppd worse. Antipsycotics however had mostly negative effects on hppd. I tried Antipsycotics (Seroquel) and SSRI's (Prozac)for both my hppd and my severe anxiety and found that seroquel made my hppd and anxiety quite worse and prozac had no real changes on either, these are just my personal experiences, talk to your doctor and do your research before taking any medication. Remember your not crazy its all your hppd, anxiety and dp/dr.
    1 Points
  42. Jay1

    Druggy feeling

    I wouldn;t call it a stoned felling... More like the last hour or two of a strong LSD trip... Where things are starting to get back to normal, but your vision and thinking are still a bit trippy.
    1 Points
  43. Murtra

    Another one

    Yeah, full abstinence seems as the most reasonable option. Didn't touched anything except green tea since that event happened (and I'm thinking about cutting this one too). It's just that I imagine future me, let's say 40 years older, with all the symptoms gone (maybe), and still abstaining from fear of getting HPPD back. Maybe I'll be able to get away with soft stuff like alcohol or marijuana then, dunno. Probably I shouldn't worry about that now. Anyway, I often forget that I'm not feeling normal, and it looks like I can function almost normally. Good for me that I always tried to focus on enjoying that "normal" feeling, and never did drugs often enough to rely on them, so it's not that hard to remain sober. I wonder if I can worsen my symptoms by meditation and inducing OBEs with music. Although I meditated a lot since HPPD arrival, sometimes I get extremely trippy experiences (feeling my body melt, float and expand, or feeling someone's presence), not sure how experiencing one would impact my mental health right now, and I didn't found anything about the second subject.
    1 Points
  44. Sucios_numbaine

    Another one

    The more you do any substance (even ones like caffine, alcohol, nicotine etc.) it will make your hppd worse. Like fante said steer clear of all substances it will do nothing but harm to you, besides when i stopped all drugs outright i learned to appreciate life a lot more, and started enjoying the sober "normal" feeling a lot more then anything a drug could do. Just focus on staying healthy and drug free and your body and mind will thank you for it.
    1 Points
  45. MadDoc

    Another one

    Welcome. I'm new here as well and I'm amazed at the abundance of information available in this forum. I'm no expert on hppd and didn't even realize it had a name until recently. You're still having visual issues like visual snow and colors, is that correct? Are they present all the time? I understand that psychedelics can teach us many things. However, there are some of us, like me, who end up with symptoms that we experience every waking moment. When I started using psychedelics over 40 years ago I thought they were some sort of miracle and shaped the way I experience existence in positive ways. However, I see visual patterns almost all of the time and have for decades. I dosed heavily for about six years. I'm not a doctor so I won't dispense any medical advice. The advice I would give is to stay sober for a while to see if the symptoms go away. If they don't please understand it might get much worse if you continue using. Also, if you do have hppd, don't panic! Even if you have this condition, it's possible to have a wonderful and productive life. I hope your surgery to remove your cyst goes well.
    1 Points
  46. K.B.Fante

    Druggy feeling

    Food. I'm telling you, I tried EVERYTHING. Nothing has worked as well as food has for me. I also haven't done any drugs whatsoever since I got HPPD so I think that's played a big role in helping me recover, but nothing has changed my life for the better more than totally going natural, eating nothing but whole foods and of course getting a bit of exercise in every other day. I made a post recently about my routine. Check it out. Might be helpful.
    1 Points
  47. cobalt337

    Druggy feeling

    what did you do to help yourself recover? My situation is very similar to yours
    1 Points
  48. Looks like you made great progress. I am also currently recovering from a bad mushroom trip but I am only 3,5 months in. Sometimes it feels like this is going to stay forever, sometimes it feels like I already improved a lot. Thanks for your motivating post and I hope your remaining symptoms will also diminish over time.
    1 Points
  49. Jay1

    Defenition of a cure

    If I could remove the anxiety and dp/dr, I would consider myself cured... The visuals, I no longer care about ....
    1 Points
  50. Im not sayin never smoke again. Just if you do, your brains probably not gonna "heal" back to 100%. Taking a break will let shit reset itself. I was never anxious on weed, but it kept bringing about more and more symptoms. It is what it is. Now a blunt is like snorting a line of ketamine for me. When i got HPPD it felt good. If had mild DP since may 2011, heavy DPDR since around november 2011.
    1 Points