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  1. 7 points
    I've changed my life from vegetarian to vegan. Not only because of hppd but for many other reasons as well. But somehow the drug experiences gave me the kick in the ass, so to speak. I am also more happy to be alive now. The world is beautiful, if you take a close look. In my opinion we just get a chance to have a closer look at this planet. People who never experienced this hppd-stuff don't know how lucky they are. Is it luck? I don't know, but their life seems easier. I don't think compelety negatively about hppd, but it is annyoing over time. Great idea to have a thread like this, btw. Your suggestions are good but hard to follow. But I will give it a try to change even more :-)
  2. 4 points
    @Saff I remember the point in my life when I realized "this isn't going away". It's really hard to come to terms with having this disability (In my case, I consider it a disability). I also remember the.point at which I decided that it wasn't going to get the best of me. I think that determination is in all of us if we can find it within ourselves. Understand that you can live a good life even with hppd. Sorry to sound so preachy. Part of being old I guess.
  3. 2 points
    I don't consider myself old (I'm 29), but I honestly can't believe all the drugs kids are doing these days. They're all manufactured and have names that sounds like Star Wars robots. These just don't sound safe on a surface level. Who's making them? What's in them? Is there any organic compounds or is it all just chemicals mixed together? I never knew HPPD existed prior to getting it but if someone had approached me about trying some of these new-age designer drugs I would have suspected they weren't safe to begin with. I'm not at all trying to say this is your fault, so please don't take it that way. I feel bad for you just like I do anyone that gets HPPD. I just don't get why people are putting all these mystery drugs into their bodies these days. When I was growing up, which really wasn't that long ago, it was just weed, shrooms, acid and occasionally a painkiller or some cocaine here or there and that was it. I really worry about HPPD growing exponentially with all these new drugs out there...
  4. 2 points
    I really hope you stop using drugs and consider seeking help LA. You're only going to worsen your symptoms doing more drugs. Life won't get better by sniffing glue or dropping acid again. I'm not sure what you're going through but your posts have gotten increasingly worrisome. I hope for your sake you can find some help in dealing with whatever you're going through.
  5. 2 points
    Mindset is the key really.... Though I am unsure if it is something you just have, or can develop it. Alot of people arrive here full of self loathing and hatred... It's just wasted energy that creates further stress... Stress fuels anxiety, which fuels the visuals... So forgive yourself, take this as a massive learning step and mentally move on.
  6. 2 points
    This was only posted a week ago: What always amazes me is the comments section, reading people who say HPPD is fun and they enjoy it. I'm happy to swap them their mild HPPD for my severe HPPD and DP-DR and see how much fun they have!
  7. 1 point
    To piggyback on this subject and what I posted in David's thread, what essentially got absorbed into the culture from the 60s was the idea that drugs were the key to "expanding your mind" when in fact it was Eastern philosophy, Jungian psychology, the foundations laid by the Beat poets and Avant Guard art and of course the war in Vietnam. All of these things collided and though drugs were a part of it they were't the only part and yet past generations have really looked past how holistic the 60s were. Meditation, spirituality, philosophy, enlightenment and seeing the world differently is where so many from that era ended up, with better lives, more happiness, more peace and understanding about the world, and yet popular culture just seems intent on linking the 60s to LSD as if it was the catalyst that revolutionized everything. I apologize for ranting but I've been studying on this era lately and it's just all the more frustrating to be in my position, to know there were all sorts of cases of mental collapse related to LSD and drugs back then and yet everyone just overlooked it and wrote it off and never seemed willing to admit that these drugs weren't all that safe. Did they expand people's minds? I know many people have felt that way, but they also ruined people's lives and nobody wanted to admit that fact. Long story short: If you truly want enlightenment you must obtain it through sobriety, through healthy living, through vulnerability, through volunteer work, through friendship, family, understanding history and artistic expression and everything else that makes being a human worthwhile. Hijacking your brain with chemicals for a few hours of increased dopamine isn't going to expand your mind. It might make you feel good, then again it also might get you HPPD. But living a sober, healthy lifestyle brings nothing but positives and can open you up to becoming an authentic, joyous human being in ways you never thought possible.
  8. 1 point
    Sobriety has treated me well. There was a time where I felt life without drugs would be dull and unexciting. I've found the opposite to be true. I'm not a religious sort, but every sober day feels like a miracle. Sounds stupid, but that's how it registers in my coconut.
  9. 1 point
    Give yourself some time. A couple of months isn't much. Staying clean is the single best thing you can do for yourself. Keep up the jogging, exercise is good too! Try not to be pessimistic. Chances are your symptoms will improve as long as you stay clean. A positive attitude goes a long way. KB, I agree. The chemicals available now are scary. They have no track record and they're constantly tweaking these molecules so they're "legal". People, be careful!
  10. 1 point
    I am making some cosmetic, functional and other changes to the website to test features and see if it will handle some future plans. I have had some very challenging years, but now I have the plans to implement and I am fearless. Also, I get really pissed off when the HPPD story is told incorrectly on large government-funded websites, drug treatment centers and places I would never have thought HPPD would even appear. Even to the relatively educated Psychadelic class, the idea that LSD could cause HPPD was at best an overstated condition, and at worst (most common) it was considered to be a myth. I must admit that the "Millenials" have really tried to reduce the stigma associated with the disorder just by joining Facebook groups for HPPD. Some of you have created videos, music, blogs and for me to see HPPD listed in online pamphlets for drug-addict treatment centers is AMAZING and SCARY. It is amazing that the information I have noticed is stating that HPPD of the Consistent Visual Type is real. Previously, flashbacks were recognized, but not the long lasting visual disturbances. That is Amazing. We owe it to you, the members before you and to the majority of the researchers who haven't slanted their datasets. This is Scary. I would rather have no study that a bad study. If a case report is published where a person is diagnosed with HPPD based on two criteria (1. Patient states they are experiencing hallucinations & 2. The patient stated the hallucinations began with the drug). The individual is treated with Risperdal (risperidone), which is recognized in multiple reports in the Archives of General Psychiatry and other literature (and many of our/my personal experience) to exacerbate HPPD. Consequently, there is a study that states a person with HPPD was cured with a drug normally contraindicated for the treatment of HPPD. The error is the diagnosis. If this was a freshman in college with a family history of schiophrenia, and who had early signs of a disorder belonging to psychosis, it should have been identified as Hallucinogen-induced Psychosis and part of the HPPD syndrome is that drugs like Risperdal make it worse. So, I have three studies. I am applying to a clinical mental health program and seeking an advanced graduate certification that would enable me to open up a clinic, practice counseling with a legal clinical license and this is my life plan. I would like to get hired at the Lab of the school I am applying to, and do so with my own research funding. (I know, I have promised a lot of things lately, but it seems there is always a crisis, but if I can eat and spend 4 hours a day to this project we will have these studies completed before I am finished.) Additionally, the degree will allow me to legally diagnose individuals that have HPPD with the formal diagnosis of HPPD. I would be a dedicated clinician to HPPD and related disorders, and if that doesn't use up enough time then I will work with individuals with opiate and benzodiazepine addiction. Creating a humane Withdrawal Protocol for Benzodiazepines in America would be one of the most significant contributions to addiction medicine since the biological model. I asked people to sign up to my YouTube channel, and I am at 25. However, I had nothing of value posted on my channel yet. Now, it has changed. Two sections of an interview with Dr. Henry David Abraham, where I asked questions and Dr. A answer about two very important sections on HPPD. I found them after many years, and they are from 2001. My youtube page is: Here are some images of HPPDonline.com and NODID through the years.
  11. 1 point
    David, excellent post! In my experience hppd is quite uncommon. I'm still in touch with the people I dosed with decades ago. I was the only one who ended up with this condition. Granted, that's a small sample size of about a dozen people. That being said none of them had even heard of anyone with long term post-dose symptoms. Understand that we indulged nearly continually for quite a few years. This is just about the only place I post. The internet is a place I find unnerving and prefer to keep a low profile. My point? I don't know really. Your post just got me thinking. K.B. I hear what you're saying about the 60s generating acting like drug use was a badge of honor. In the late 60s I was a pre-teen who was fascinated by these stories. I couldn't wait to give it a try. My drug use was at best misguided and at worst, self destructive. Raising kids is hard but as parents we need to set a healthy example. I was very blunt with my kids when it came to drugs. I realized the mandatory DARE program in the US was telling them half truths and they knew it. Because of that a lot of kids thought the dangers were lies fashioned as a means of control. That being said, I didn't open up about my use until they were out of college. Again, I don't have a point really. Just thoughts tumbling in the brain.
  12. 1 point
    I'm honestly convinced the Baby Boomer generation is the source of so many problems today. They were a huge reason for why Trump got elected. They harbor most of the racist beliefs in the U.S. They're materialistic. They aren't all that keen on science. And as you've alluded to, they don't seem particularly interested in admitting anything that came from the 60s was damaging when in fact that whole era ripped the U.S. apart. My dad is a perfect example. All he did was brag about how much drugs he did when he was young. I looked up to him so of course I tried to do the same. Look where I ended up. Also, as you've stated, there's such a strong inclination to disbelieve HPPD because by doing so they'd have to admit LSD isn't the miracle drug they all thought it was. My only questions is where neurology comes into all this. HPPD is so clearly a brain malfunction and needs study in that regard. I don't at all see HPPD as an emotional disorder with neurological side effects but rather quite the opposite. It's the visual distortions that precipitate the emotional struggles. It's so obvious based on the decades of this disorder existing and on my own experience that the standard mental health practitioner has absolutely no clue what this is or how to deal with it. I really feel like this is something that needs the attention of neurologists given our symptoms align so much more with those that brain specialists spend a lifetime analyzing.
  13. 1 point
    I forgot. Those images are not very clear, but anyone can look up hppdonline.com at the Internet Way Back machine, and see how much this community has done. There is some very useful information contained in this archive, which would take forever to download unless someone who is very savvy could obtain the files they have in their archive. I have begged people to follow my youtube channel, and I realized I wrote about this in the message above, but YouTube is ADHD crack, and I forgot to include the link. AND CLICK SUBCRIBE. Click Watch on the boring watch video. 10,000 Views is an important Metric. I will put up more videos, but these 2 are classic: CLICK ME TO SEE DR. ABRAHAM VIDEOS: https://www.youtube.com/DavidKozinVerified
  14. 1 point
    I use Lorazepam and Clonazepam, but I don't take it every day... All of these meds are highly addictive and will cause major problems in a few years, if taken every day. This is how I avoid addiction/tolerance: Lorazepam (2.5mg) - Thursday 6pm Clonazepam (1mg) - Friday 9am Clonazepam (1mg) - Saturday 9am Lorazepam (2.5mg) - Sunday 9am Every 2-3 months, I have 2 weeks completely free of meds to make sure I am not seeing any signs of addiction. This has worked for 10 years or so and brings me relief for nearly 4 days per week.
  15. 1 point
    These spikes will come and go... But they will go. You just have to ride them out and, as K.B.Fante said, try to pinpoint the problem that caused the spike. It is usually stress related, for me, but can even be down to weather (low pressure systems seem to spike me up).
  16. 1 point
    My dude, you're gonna be fine. Give yourself some time and try not to think about it. For me I thought the same way, how am I gonna perform in school, an I gonna be able to live a happy life, I contemplated it all. I've been getting better and so can you, give yourself some time man
  17. 1 point
    There's lots of posts about sleep here. Many struggle with insomnia. I went through an intense bout after benzo withdrawal where I couldn't sleep more than about four or five hours for three months straight. It pretty much destroyed by brain. The best things I've found have been meditation, addressing whatever anxiety or substance is leading to your insomnia and then of course there are the medicinals like teas and pills that can help as well. The thing is if you don't locate the exact thing that's causing your anxiety or sleeplessness in the first place then you're not ever going to get the proper sleep you need. Eating healthy, cutting back drastically on carbs, sugars caffeine, etc., will also go a really long way to helping you feel tired at night. As far as teas and pills go, I've had tons of success with chamomile, lavender, lemon balm and some other potent sleep teas. Some magnesium at night will also help a lot. Make sure your bedroom is really dark, quiet, somewhat cold and smells good from a candle or incense or essential oil diffuser too. If you find the root cause of your insomnia and take a holistic approach to addressing your overall sleep habits you should be able to get it under control sooner rather than later.
  18. 1 point
    My visual symptoms have been so bad over the last 2.5 years since getting HPPD that I literally could not ignore them no matter what. I had streamers that would last for a good second after moving objects passed in front of me. My best advice is to stay busy. Working is probably the best thing you can do. In my experience free time is just about the worst with HPPD because I immediately focus on my symptoms for whatever reason.
  19. 1 point
    Agree with @MadDoc .... there comes a point where you have to try and get past the "why me" feelings, it's just negativity that will feed hppd. There was no internet about when I was doing lsd, and even I had heard risks about "permatripping".... Everyone knows there is some inherent risks with drug taking... we got unlucky in some respects, sure... But I have seen people go onto the likes of heroin addiction, then crime, prison, death... i;ve seen people get full on psychosis from mdma, far worse then even the worst hppd... So maybe getting hppd before the drug taking got out of control is actually lucky, in some ways. If you go on to a full recovery, you may look back on this part of your life as the greatest lesson. It's all about perspective.
  20. 1 point
    Yeah. It's been 21 fucking years and I do my best to keep on keeping on. I even started a Non Profit for HPPD to raise awareness and fight for research. I'm not giving up on myself and not letting HPPD win...
  21. 1 point
    Welcome! It is quite a relief when you can finally put a name to the disorder... It took me around 13 years too, so I feel you (i'm 23 years in now). If you need any help or advice, just let me know. The essentials: No more drugs (i'm sure you've sussed that one out!) Avoid caffeine Avoid heavy alcohol use Avoid SSRI and anti pysch meds Eat well, exercise Meds: Benzos (work for the majority, but beware of addiction). Clonazepam is a good option. Keppra (doesn;t work for many) Lamictal (doesn;t work for many)
  22. 1 point
    Welcome. I know that feeling as I had it with DP-DR when I first discovered that was a real condition. It's quite a liberating feeling and at the same time comforting to know you're not alone. There's all sorts of great information on this site so I'd encourage you to read up!
  23. 1 point
    I actually think school can be beneficial with HPPD but only if you feel comfortable where you're at and can handle it. One of the best ways to cope with HPPD is through distraction or anything that keeps your attention focused intensely on something other than your symptoms and study is certainly one of those. Again, each person is different but if I were you I'd try and focus on getting some sleep and make it a goal to do well in school. If you feel overwhelmed, no big deal. You can always take semesters off and given how well you've done in the past it sounds like you'd have no problem transferring if you needed. Just try not to make any major life-changing decisions on an emotional whim because that can tend to happen when dealing with something as ugly as HPPD. In terms of recovery, you'll find tons of advice up and down this forum. As long as you stay completely sober, get good sleep, exercise regularly, don't spend too much time seated in one place, eat healthy, meditate and so on you'll likely recover sooner rather than later. However, the one thing I always tell people is to be prepared to have HPPD for longer than you might think or want. I never thought in a million years I'd have it for longer than a few years but I'm already at 2.5 years and still have a long road to go. As long as you live a healthy lifestyle you'll likely recover but you just need to be prepared to deal with this condition on some level for a while.
  24. 1 point
    I had HPPD before the death occurred. I have been grieving and it does indeed put a massive strain on recovery and body. I have been trying to overcome it now because if I do, it will make it better to recover I think. Like you said, I got to keep a positive mindset overall, and just try to stay as healthy as possible (eating, sleeping, possibly trying to exercise, and making sure I know what I put in my body). I am going to stay away from alcohol, stimulants, and other drugs because I do not want this to reoccur and this also probably gives me a better chance of recovering. Hopefully in the near future, I can recover completely in vision, and be near or close to what my mental state used to be. I also understand that there is a possibility I may just have to live with it. We shall see. Thanks for all your help talking with me and I will update this post occasionally to talk about how I am doing as a whole.
  25. 1 point
    Sorry to hear that... The grief may well have played a part in getting hppd... People think of grief as mainly about thoughts and feelings, but it also puts a massive strain on your body too, depleting various chemicals like serotonin and dopamine, while increasing cortisol....
  26. 1 point
    SSRIs are anti depressant meds (like prozac)... They are generally very bad for people with hppd. Similar for anti psychotic medication. For me, and many others here, they make visuals much worse and increase the anxiety and trippy feel (dpdr).
  27. 1 point
    Oh,, you've maybe already read this here... But if the doctor tries to prescribe SSRIs or anti pyschs, say no. Good luck with your studies... I went through high school, college and university with this... It's not easy, but it is possible. I found that really throwing myself into the studies could distract me a little and seemed to fuel my creative thinking. It is good to try and find little positives about this disorder.
  28. 1 point
    You are on 1.5mg per day in total? That's a fairly hefty dose. You will probably notice some withrdawal symptoms if you stay on that dose for more than a month or two... Also, everyone with an addiction started out with no history of addiction I don;t want to overly scare you, but I also want you to know the dangers of benzos... My cousin, who was a decade long heroin addict said he found valium MUCH harder to kick than heroin. Considering your have hppd from weed, which tends to go away naturally for most everyone who has ever visited this forum, benzos can be overkill. Be careful what the doctor says... They can push pills harder than a drug dealer... 2-3 months is as long as you ever want to be on a benzo, for every day use (I do 3 days on, 4 days off... That has worked for over 10 years now, with no addiction or tolerance). You are doing everything right, by the sounds of it... add in exercise and healthy eating, is possible. The best advice (and hardest to follow) is just to avoid stress and try to stop thinking about hppd as much as possible. Whatever it takes.. Sit in front of films, video games, sports, chase girls, whatever helps take your mind off it. The best way to avoid it coming back is simple... zero drugs. Avoid heavy alcohol sessions for a few years too, a few beers probably wont hurt though.
  29. 1 point
    Hello everyone, First of all, I'm really sorry for everyone here that suffers from HPPD, derealization, depersonalization, anxiety, depression, panic attacks and other symptoms. I'm a journalism student at Anglia Ruskin University, UK. As my final project, I'm making a documentary about HPPD as a way to raise awareness for this condition. I know about HPPD because of my boyfriend, he's been having it for almost 2 years now and this is my way of trying to understand him better and my way of trying to help in any way I can. For my documentary, I'd like to talk to other people with HPPD, because everyone experiences it differently. If any of you wouldn't mind sharing your story with me, you can contact me at this email - c.neves@outlook.pt Your help would be truly appreciated. Thank you so much in advance, Carolina Neves
  30. 1 point
    Sounds like you are doing all the right things... Just be careful with the clonazepam. I would taper down soon and see where you are at... You might be considerably better already without knowing it... No point risking addiction/withdrawal (anxiety hell).
  31. 1 point
    Must be nice to have someone knowledgeable on hppd, it's rare. I hope you recover full and well my dude.
  32. 1 point
    Do BJJ. Less of a chance of getting your head knocked off since it's just grappling.
  33. 1 point
    I thought i'd start a topic where we can all contribute ways we have made our lives a little better (non medicinal). Get healthy and sober This is the obvious one... quitting drugs, stimulants like coffee, smoking etc.... Then eating healthily and working out really do help alot. Forget the past It is easy to get caught up in a spiral of guilt, anger and jealousy about your current situation. Why did I do drugs? Why did I get hppd? Why are my friends ok? Like all the mistakes and regrets in life... learn from it and move on (not easy, I know). These emotions will just feed the anxiety and hppd. Change your life hppd is at it's worst when we are stressed. It is impossible to avoid all stress, but do what you can to change your lifestyle for the better. If you hate your job, try and change it.... If you hate the city, move out. If your friends don't seem to support you, move on (the real friends will let you back in, when you're ready). These are big, life changing decisions... but hppd doesn't have to stop you making them. Grab your life back hppd can strip you of your ability to do the simplest tasks in life. Retrain yourself to do these tasks. If making eye contact is tripping you out, just slowly do it a little more each day... The more you do it, the more normal it will become. Same goes for all sorts of things... making small talk, going out and about, chatting to someone you are hot for. Your life isn't over This is a key thing to remember. The 1st months and years can be very, very tough... But life goes on. There are numerous people on here that have gone on to have successful educations, careers, relationships and families. hppd is not the end of your life, your dreams or your happiness.
  34. 1 point
    @fruitgun nice man, I'm happy for you.
  35. 1 point
    This is so hard to understand with brain fog >.<