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Showing content with the highest reputation since 08/19/2017 in all areas

  1. 10 points
    Here is my success story. I really hope this helps people because when I first got HPPD almost 4 years ago at age 23 I was a total train wreck and thought I would never get my life back. I am certain that this forum played a huge role in saving my life because for a long time I was seriously worried that I would have no other way out than to take my own life. This was definitely my darkest time and it makes me a little sick to think about it but I feel like I owe it to all the kids out there who are suffering. I'll get to the point. I took mushrooms for the first time ever and I flipped out. There seems to be a pretty standard story to this...total fear, a feeling that the trip will never end, it was a feeling I had never felt before. In my mind, I went to hell if it does exist. I woke up the next day feeling wierd, just off, sort of empty. I didnt think it anything serious until a week later, on new years day, I woke up after a night of partying in Las Vegas, and I knew something was wrong, I was sick, I was throwing up, and I was terrified, my vision was changing before my very eyes, everything was moving, and I knew something was wrong, the first thing I thought when I got up...the mushrooms were coming back to get me. I tried to tell myself it would be ok, that I was just sick from drinking, but it didn't stop. I didn't eat for almost a week, and I went to the hospital to get an I.V. to rehydrate me. In the ER, there was a true psychotic woman having an episode, It terrified me, because I felt I could somehow relate to her. I thought I had really lost it and I would never be the same. I'd heard of people "freaking out" and stories from the 60s, musicians like Brian Wilson going nuts on acid ect. and I starting thinking I was one of them now. I went home and felt so empty, but I couldn't even cry. My parents came back from a trip they were on, and it was like I didn't even know them, I was in my own little world. Things that were familiar were foreign to me, nothing was the same. As I worried more, things got worse, I started having panic attacks daily, I couldn't sleep, and my visual symptoms got worse. I had horrible headaches, nausea, paranoia, depression, visuals, the whole nine yards. At this point I think i was pre depersonalized, the panic was very strong, and it drove me deeper into a state of numbness. I was having terrible nightmares when I did sleep, finally, I think my mental anguish drove me into a state of numbness, where I couldn't feel anything around me, just like a zombie. I would say this was about 4-6 months into it. I started seeing therapists, and it helped a bit to have someone I could talk to because I didnt have anyone. None of my friends got it, and I was scared to tell my parents. At that point I wasn't even sure if they were real. I started reading on the forums, and this was a real game changer. I started to learn about some of the things that were happening, like the depersonalization/derealization, anxiety, ect. But more than that, I learned that there were people just like me, that I could talk to and would understand me, and even better that some people had survived it. This gave me what I needed, a little hope. Something to AIM for, a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course I was unsure and skeptical that I would get better, but at this point, in what seems like a rather odd reasoning, I decided that I couldn't be any worse off, and that the only choice I had was to get better, I really had nothing to lose. I knew it wouldn't happen soon but I thought, hell, I've survived this long (it was probably a year in) I can keep going, so I kinda just put my life on autopilot. I bought myself some time, I said, hey I'm just gonna deal with this day to day, not try to push myself too hard, and maybe in a few years I'll at least be able to function. That was a big deal, I accepted my situation, that it was gonna suck now, and that it would be a long time before I got better. During this time I had a lot of bad days, I also had some good ones. But every time that I had a good day, I kinda put that in my mental bank. Like saving pennies at a time. They add up. I made habit of doing things that would promote overall well being. That meant regular exercise programs, eating better, meditation, and yoga. I began to make steady improvements, I started having more good days, and things looked better for me. Someone once described HPPD as sort of like throwing a stone into the water, a huge splash, then lots of waves, ups and downs, and the slowly get less and less intense and I would totally agree. There was a long period of about 1 1/2- 3 years into HPPD that I began to get frustrated because I would feel great and think I finally beat it, then relapse again, I just wanted to be better, but again, time heals. This coming New Years day will be my 4 year anniversary of the day HPPD and I can say that this is behind me. In fact, I look back on it and I almost don't believe myself. It's almost like it was just a terrible nightmare. Which is how I had hoped I would look back on it some day. I want to put it behind me and never look back. But at the same time I want to help the kids that are on here because I know how terrible they feel and they need help just like I did. I owe it to someone because I survived and I want people to know that you can beat it but it takes work and commitment. I still feel a little lost, like I'm not sure who I am as a person, but I at least feel like I know where I am (haha). I just spent 4 years in a nightmare and now I'm awake. So I will try to offer some advice. The forums are great for helping you out, but don't spend too much time here. Don't spend hours on hours reading about peoples problems, about mental disorders. Education is good but at some point it will only make you more obsessive. Also, there is a lot of negativity here that will bring you down, because people that are on here are mostly here because they are having problems, not because they are doing great. For every 1 success story you will read about 20 horror stories. It's like watching the news, they only report on the bad stuff, you will never turn it on and have the reporter say "hey, everything is great." Again, do stuff that promotes good health, a healthy body is a healthy mind. Get outside and enjoy nature. I found it easier to connect with natural objects. Try to feel the sun, or the breeze on your face, little things like that. They can help you feel alive. Stop doing drugs, alcohol, tobacco, or limit your intake if you can. Smoking weed really made things worse for me. Talk to someone that can offer something positive and will understand your situation. If anyone ever wants to talk, on the phone, email, whatever, hit me up. Believe you can get better.
  2. 4 points
    I feel like the symptoms of anxiety,depression,derealization and depersonalization are a matter of us dealing with our condition and how we respond to it and the emotions we attach to it. Honestly, I feel like the best way to get better from HPPD is to accept the fact that yes you may have visuals but this is NOT the end of the world. You have to do things like meditation, wim hof breathing, weight lift, exercise. If you continue to believe that you're going to have anxiety and depression for the rest of your life due to a past decision, you have to ABSOLUTELY get over this destructive thought pattern. Guys, the mind is an extremely powerful thing. We can either use it as a tool for our own advantage or as a means of self destruction. STOP the negative thought patterns, eliminate the cortisol rush's from anxiety and take control of your life! Never feel sorry for yourself and never ever go into the bitter regretful mindset. This will just absolutely lead you down a dark path. Cheers, hope everyone gets better.
  3. 4 points
    Your story follows a very common theme here, as has been pointed out by above members of this site. I too had symptoms of HPPD from the time I was about 15 until 20. I did a lot of drugs in high school and at some point ended up with visual snow, depersonalization and slight afterimages, all of which are standard HPPD symptoms. After I graduated high school I actually took it easy on drugs my freshman year of college and within a few years I was symptom free. I took a few hallucinogens here and there but was always careful in never taking too much. Well, six years later all it took was a single tab of acid and I was thrown into a world and experience I wouldn't wish on anybody ever in the history of man. It's really clear that you're in a position we all were at one time and ignored. Don't be like us and ignore what your brain is telling you. Drugs don't work for you and your body type. If you keep doing them you'll regret it -- guaranteed. And not only that, you'll regret ever being born. Life on this planet is the greatest gift imaginable. Don't take it for granted. Doing drugs isn't worth it.
  4. 3 points
    Good (your last post). We don't need people advocating others taking hallucinogens here.
  5. 2 points
    Hey everyone. I've been off the page for a little while since I got a new job, requires me to be gone from home for 12 hours a day 7 days a week and after my 7 days I get a week off. The job itself is doing me wonders, It shows me that I can still live a functioning normal life even with a few vision problems and some anxiety. The time I usually get to notice my symptoms is when I'm driving on the highway late at night, so tonight when I was driving for the first time in a week I noticed my ghosting was a lot less severe. Ever since I started taking magnesium oxide I've also noticed my visual snow has nearly completely gone! I don't wanna say there's only 5-10% of it left but I will say it's about 50% less than what it was about a month ago. If you're someone who doesn't have a job or had dropped out of school due to hppd, my honest suggestion is to push through it and not let it dictate the things you do. If you let hppd control the way you live your life you're getting sucked into it and it becomes you. There's more to you than hppd, there's so many other things to be done. On one final note, I think the last time I was on this page was the 29th of August and I will say not browsing this page every day benefited me so much. I came back here for the first time in a week tonight and after reading some posts I felt my anxiety and nervousness levels rise. This page can be very helpful to you to get advice from people or if a new symptom arrises. But I was so much worse off when I was browsing these forums 2-3 times a day every day. Now don't get me wrong, I don't hate the page, as far as I'm concerned we are all family fighting a battle and I would do anything for every one of you that was in my power. But there needs to be a point when you step back from the forums and pick yourself up and move on with your life. I will still be around, just not every day, I encourage you all to do the same.
  6. 2 points
    I never really had a bad trip. Strange, unearthly, total loss of body, yes. Bad or a "bummer", no. Hppd for me was due to an extreme case of brain rewiring as opposed to a bad experience. Using acid to cure hppd sounds like using whisky to cure alcoholism.
  7. 2 points
    I heard about this website on T.V. where you can create online petitions and have people sign them. http://www.change.org/ It probably wouldn't do much but maybe someone should create a petition about HPPD there, if enough people sign then maybe we could send links to it in the E-mails asking for research just to show that it effects a lot more people than most doctors think.
  8. 1 point
    Hey guys, I'm just curious to hear about any symptoms that you have which you don't see mentioned a lot on here, maybe it's just small things you notice? or maybe it's a symptom that you can't accurately pin on anything that's already defined, just out of curiosity? For me I see trails of smoke everywhere quite often, almost like the visual snow is moving in cohesive clouds and is obscuring my vision, this usually happens indoors. Also certain syllables that I hear sound sort of "squelchy" for lack of a better word, there's a self service kiosk at my local shop and it always sounds like it's saying "touch the sqween to start", it doesn't really bother me but it does make me giggle sometimes which makes me look crazy. Would be really interested in anything you guys have?
  9. 1 point
    "and I dont plan to drop anytime soon." Don't you mean ever again?
  10. 1 point
    So I read an article a few days ago about the FDA granting an organization called Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies (MAPS) permission to study the potential psychotherapeutic effects of MDMA. I decided to check out MAPS' webpage and naturally became quite curious. There's an absolute trove of resources in case anyone is interested in reading about the effects of psychedelics on the brain. What gets me, however, is the extensive collection of information on the dangers of psychedelics that never get attention in the media the same way as the "positive" stories do. HPPD has been well known in psychedelic circles -- both intellectual and in terms of recreation use -- for literally decades and yet the general public is still basically clueless about the fact psychedelics are proven to be toxic. In the very first keyword search on MAPS' database I came up with hundreds of articles about the dangers of psychedelics, including the following from an article titled "Ecstasy and Serotonin Neurotoxicity": http://www.maps.org/resources/psychedelic-bibliography "The authors present evidence that the elicit recreational drug MDMA may cause persistent cognitive deficits and that these deficits are related to the extent of previous MDMA use... they conclude that MDMA causes neurotoxic injury to cortical serotonin axon terminals that may be reversible." Again, out of literally hundreds of publications this is the very first article I clicked on, published in 2001, and basically confirms one of the most popular HPPD-including drugs as neurotoxic. And yet here we are 16 years later and nothing is being done about it. There's no public education, no desire to protect our youth from the dangers of these drugs, no follow-up studies or outreach to newspapers -- it's all just buried in some online vault virtually inaccessible to anyone outside of the most die-hard psychedelic enthusiasts in the world. I guess what's so crazy about all this is that when I first got HPPD my understanding was that it was unbeknownst to doctors, scientists, educators, teachers, social workers and the public in general due to the fact nobody knew anything about this condition. Unfortunately what I'm discovering is that many powerful people have known about the dangers of psychedelics with regards to HPPD for decades, they've just chosen to stay silent. I don't know how the hell this condition is ever gonna see the light of day and get the attention it deserves if the people who know most about it just chose to brush it under the rug.
  11. 1 point
    If you don't do drugs again you'll get better. Given how bad your HPPD is it will take a long time, but eventually you can get to a place of peace as long as you're willing to endure the pain and work hard enough to regain your health. Eat right, exercise every day, turn your life around and you'll see progress as long as you give yourself time. Also, read this forum as there's plenty of advice about how to recover.
  12. 1 point
    First off, don't panic. Separate the difficult experience you had from the symptoms you're having and focus on what you're dealing with now. You took a big dose of psychedelics. You're experiencing visual and mental anomolies. It's been six months but that's not much time if you've suffered a brain alteration/rewiring/trauma. You haven't done anything wrong and you haven't been a bad person. You're dealing with the after effects of a powerful experience. It will probably take some time but try to get focused and move on with your life. I say that because that's what helped me. You're refraining from psychoactive substances which is very important. I can't stress enough, it's going to be OK. If you're seriously thinking about checking out PLEASE get some help. I have constant visuals and have had them for 40 years but every day feels like a gift. Hang in there and please keep posting. Also, spend some time reading the posts on this site. There are a lot of bright people who post here. Oh, BTW, your writing is excellent.
  13. 1 point
    Imo, ssri, snri and anti psychotic are just as bad as recreational drugs when it comes to hppd. There's very few known drugs that have helped people in regards to hppd but I'm sure you already know them. Stay off the pills tho for sure. If you can manage life without the dependency of benzos and other drugs(including recreational) then I believe you have a chance of completely recovering one day. Just try to accept it that this is your life and try to live with it. That may not seem like the greatest advice but it's realistic and doesn't mean you shouldn't be hopeful because it can very well go away. If you do feel lonely sometimes if you have a Facebook page join the hppd page, there's like 1700 people in it. Pretty nice people. But some say the less you think about hppd the better it is for you. I kinda agree. Take a magnesium supplement like magnesium oxide or citrate, stuff does wonders for your anxiety and vs
  14. 1 point
    If you can manage to box or do some form of martial arts without too much physical contact and risk of getting hit in the head then you definitely should as it's great exercise. If not, you can always try other sports though. There's a million out there. I've been wanting to get into rock climbing as I think it works many parts of the body and brain at once to give a complete, full-body workout. Nothing is ever the same with HPPD but in my experience if you can find minutes and even hours throughout the day where you're not thinking about it then that's all you can ask for really. Sports are a great way to achieve this.
  15. 1 point
    Hey and welcome. I have friends who dosed hundreds (if not 1000+) times and have no hppd symptoms. But I dosed the same amount and have continuous visuals. The point is we're all different and hppd hits some of us and not others. You're no longer using which is the single best thing you can do for yourself. Anxiety is the toughest part IMHO. You're starting college and that alone can cause huge anxiety by itself. Medication appears to help a lot of people. I practice daily meditation and it has made a world of difference. Personally, I don't trust doctors much and I don't trust myself with prescriptions, but that's me. Staying focused helps a lot too. Don't feed hppd by giving it all of your attention. Because you haven't dosed over and over chances are good that you're going to notice improvement over time. Listen: You have not messed up forever nor have you thrown your life away. You can raise a family and have a wonderful life. I'm looking at turning 60 and though I have constant visuals life couldn't be more wonderful. I've raised a family and held a career in a profession and, trust me, I'm nobody special. If a goof like me can pull it off so can you. Find your optimism and use it to fight back. Hope that helps.
  16. 1 point
    Hi guys, so I was a heavy weed smoker for at least a year and micro dosed LSD once and enjoyed it, then a couple months later at the end of this July I tripped for the first time and had an anxiety filled trip, I wasn't seeing bad things and can remember good parts of it but I also remember feeling like the world wasn't real, and not wanting to do anything and thinking that I would be stuck in a bad trip forver. In the weeks after I was extremely uncomfortable and feeling so much anxiety because I still felt like I was tripping, slightly. Visual snow, feeling disconnected, and I took a small amount of Valium to continue life, then my father who caused me PTSD from alcoholism had a traumatic brain injury 1 week after the acid trip, and since then it feels like I have been experiencing many of the symptoms on here. Increased visual snow, floaters, especially when looking at a bright light, suicidal thoughts, feeling like the world wasn't real. I've seen many psychiatrists and have been on Klonopin for panic attacks that I thought were related to my father and PTSD, and they started me on Zoloft(ssri) which I thought was causing the insane thoughts. I even went to the hospital convinced I was schizophrenic and no one has mentioned hppd to me. I just don't know what to do and am hoping someone on here can give me some answers because I'm scared I threw my life away because i tripped one time and I don't feel like I could raise a family and continue life into my 70's with these symptoms. Since the trip I have stopped all substance use, and everything but I know tons of people who have done many hallucinogens including my brother and have had none of these symptoms. How do I tell my mom I messed myself up forever? I'm scared to start junior year of college tomorrow
  17. 1 point
    It is still a very rare condition, so will never really get the support, resources and media coverage that, for instance, weed induced psychosis will. In the grand scheme of things, I am glad that this is a rare condition, as it would be a global crisis if even 1% of people who took lsd, mdma etc got hppd. But it does mean we are left in limbo in terms of medical support. Be vary wary if you do go to see a doctor about this... Don't let them prescribe anti psychotic or anti depression medications. They almost always make the situation worse, but alot of doctors will see that as the first line of treatment for anyone with drug induced issues. It is very interesting that you touch on seeing the signs of when to stop talking, step away etc.... My wife has become an expert in this ... It took her alot of time to not take it personally when I would only answer seemingly normal questions with a distant 1 word reply.. Or had to cancel plans just to then sit in and watch tv... Sometimes I also want to protect her from the truth of how bad I am feeling, I want her to be happy. Sometimes the feeling that you are hurting other people is as hard as the internal pain. Stress is one of the biggest problems, so try to protect him from any stressful situations... Maybe ask him to make a list of the main stress triggers and try to avoid them for a while. If that means dropping out of school, work etc for a while.. It is worth it, at least for a few months... It's a bit of a fine balance between avoiding stress and finding a comfort zone that you might never want to come out of. The latter can become an excuse to not fight.... But for a few months, it can be good. How long has your son been suffering? Feel free to keep asking questions here, or PM me. Regards, Jay
  18. 1 point
    Hi. I am so very sorry to hear that some of you are not getting support from your families. This must be so very hard to deal with. if there were any way I could help I would. If any mothers/fathers/siblings/friends would like to make contact with me I would do my best to help them see how important it is to support and try to understand. Trying to understand is, of course, the challenge when you want to protect your child (of whatever age) from getting into this situation in the first place Hindsight is so irritating and frustrating i think your comments Jay on 'not spending too much time reading negative stories' and your new section on 'success stories' is a great idea i am doing the best I can as a mother and often make errors by not recognising the signs that I need to stop looking/talking/doing something that is prompting an episode. But I think I am learning as I go along i am very fortunate to have a son who is open with me and who is helping me to do the right thing it is so very hard to see what has happened - just from one hit - and I want to shout from the rooftops to warn others of the real dangers. why is this condition not more talked about and known about? again I applaud what you are offering by having this support group
  19. 1 point
    I used to be so passionate about my smoke, that really killed me when I realized I wouldn't be able to enjoy it again.
  20. 1 point
    Oh Lordy no! I hallucinate every day, most of the day. Dosing is the last thing on my list, after death. Once fried, why refry? We're brains, not beans.
  21. 1 point
    Come on man, drink alcohol and slowly poison yourself like the rest of the population. Drugs are wack, they'll do nothing but slowly change you for who you are, anxiety will pop up here and there where it previously wasn't, your memory will slowly get worse, and 5/10 years down the line you'll be a different person begging to get back to your original self. Life can be amazing all by itself, you don't need drugs, it's taken me a year to get to my old self after a few uses, I appreciate life now, without drugs and alcohol. I know my vision may never be 100% like it was, but it's 50% better now and so greatful.
  22. 1 point
    Not gone, but I convinced myself that they were getting better for a week or more. Then crash. I hope for your girlfriend's sake that is not the case... But you need to stop speaking like what you are saying is fact, not opinion... There are susceptible people here and taking LSD could ruin their lives. You are putting up 3rd hand info.... At least give us some info about your girlfriend's symptoms, previous to this. Or better yet, get her to post.
  23. 1 point
    I would lay off the drugs completely. If you keep doing them, even weed, you will eventually develop chronic hppd and it could turn severe. And believe me, that's the last thing you want in this world. I realized 2 years ago after having hppd for 6 years (at that point, 8 now) that I would have to retain a sober lifestyle for the rest of my life.
  24. 1 point
    btw - even if you believe in this theory... You are still playing Russian roulette. If LSD fucked you in the first place, another trip could send you even further into hppd.
  25. 1 point
    A few nights ago i decided to take mdma idiotically because my symptoms were so much better after 4 months of abstaining from drugs, well during the trip and afterwards i can say i believe i know whats it like to have the full 9 yards of hppd. During the trip it was horrifying, faces everywhere on my floor on my dogs fur on my wall, my feet were itchy i could feel the anxiety and paranoia but i think the mdma helped me manage to stay happy. The next day i learned of all the severity of symptoms that other people have that i dont, my ghosting was not just only above like it usually is, but it was below and side by side, 4x as worse as what it usually was. When people talk about starbursting, i used to think that was normal, but no i saw what it really was like, and i saw afterimages of literally everything. My visual snow was creating flying cars or weird hallucinations that i couldnt completely make out, my anxiety had been almost the same as it was before. Thankfully 4 days later it seems as if im back to the baseline as to where it was before. Guys, mdma used to be my drug, i used to do it every day before work but now i cant stomach it. So my message to you is, if you have hppd, DRUGS ARE NOT WORTH IT.
  26. 1 point
    Hey Originally, My name is Boneless Pizza and I think that you should start finding new ways to entertain yourself, such as finding new hobbies and activities that you enjoy and maybe try doing them with friends who encourage you on a new healthy and positive lifestyle, I hope you the best for you as you seem determined to change. -Boneless Pizza <3
  27. 1 point
    Welcome back mate... glad you seem better. Not point sweating over if it will get worse... As long as your avoid drugs, stress etc... I can see zero reason it will get worse
  28. 1 point
    Two years ago, when I was 19, I posted on this forum because at the time I was absolutely terrified of the symptoms that I had been experiencingot due to drug use.The heightend sensitivity to light, pronounced floaters, derealization, depersonalization, and severe anxiety were all symptoms that plauged me daily. What made it so terrifying was how sudden it all was. It got to the point that I literally thought I was going insane. That being said, within three months my situation got better. And the key for me, and what I'm sure others on this site have expressed as well, was really immersing myself into an activity, like in my case I took up boxing. Also, abstaining from drugs and alcohol was another critical factor that led to feeling better. What's interesting though, is that even two years later many of my symptoms, such as the floaters, light sensitivity, and other little visuals, still persist. Maybe this never actually goes away, but you do get used to it and for the most part it is not noticible. I still do on occasion drink, but the next day I do notice my symptoms a lot more, especially the more mental dp/Dr ones. But I do try to stay away from other recreational drugs (Smoked weed and experienced symptoms like I had two years ago for a couple of days). overall though things are doing great! I'm attending a great university and things are looking up. I don't mean to brag or anything like that, I just want to let others know that things can get better. Hopefully my story shows that. I never was an active poster on here, I actually forgot about this site completely, but when I did post members were supportive. so when I happened to stumble on this forum I decided to give some positive contribution back, even if it's just a small one. Oh, one more thing, if you are obsessed with your current state and constantly looking up things on the internet, I'd suggest you take a break. That was another thing that helped. Thanks!