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  1. Today
  2. my passion is graffiti, I am not very artistic compared to my friends but I love exploring abandoned buildings and being out at night, only problem is the visual snow is pretty bad especially when there's no light. This was a hindrance but now I just wear a head torch
  3. Yesterday
  4. It took me a little bit to understand the difference between dissociation and psychosis. A lot of people with dissociation are afraid they have psychosis or are developing it. But that's almost always never the case.
  5. hppd + weed makes me psychotic, but hppd itself doesn't, thankfully. I know a few people with drug related psychosis and the conditions are very different.
  6. I agree. I hope I didn't sound like I think this thing can't be beat by everyone. I truly believe that as long as you return the body to its natural state it will heal. I'm experiencing this in my own recovery and there are plenty of stories that prove this as well. Also with so much research geared towards neurogenesis it's only a matter of time before there's access to medication that might totally reverse HPPD if it is in fact some form of cell destruction.
  7. Last week
  8. I've never had true hallucinations but my mental imagery could be considered internal hallucinations or CEVs gone wild I guess. I've never ended up in a psychotic state (lost touch with reality). Abilify was mildly helpful.
  9. How psychotic has this made you guys feel? Anyone out there with genuine hallucinations (not just warping)/hearing voices? Do antipsychotics help you in those instances?
  10. I got it from one use of MDMA and a few uses of weed. That's it. I haven't touched anything in 13 months, not even coffee and I haven't fully recovered. I still have most of my symptoms they've just tapered down. Not smoking weed for a month isn't going to do shit. HPPD is like cancer, in order to 'cure' it you have to catch it early. If smoking cause you to contract lung cancer, the last thing you are going to do is continuing to smoke. Think about it
  11. Ya, it's nothing too concerning. The only part is that I want to be able to go back to 100% normal and nothing seems to help. I haven't smoked in a month and it doesn't seem to make a difference. We need to study this shit more and whatever is wrong with our brain chemistry, because that would help us heal much quicker if they know exactly what imbalance is causing it. But for the most part, I just want to be able to enjoy weed again! I really miss those days.
  12. I had a buddy who got it from LSD. Continued to do drugs like coke and got addicted to spice. He also was prescribed klonopin and was on 6 mg a day for 2 years. He tapered off the klonopin and had withdrawals for 8 months straight (told me he'd rather get shot than go through that again). He completely recovered and has a full time job and a good life. Said he doesn't even think of HPPD anymore. Just look at the success stories thread. Plenty of people who continued to use drugs and made a full recovery. Plus, thinking excitotoxicity is the culprit is still just speculation. Dr. Abraham leaned toward a malfunction in the COMT enzyme. I'm not saying that's the culprit either, but we're still shooting darts in a dark room hoping we hit the bullseye.
  13. Panic lead to my symptoms getting worse. A lot of panic and stress. In all the years I used drugs since the initial onset of hppd, nothing came close to what I've been experiencing the past 2 years. I've had moments of feeling like I've recovered, so I'm not going to believe anything that says this can't be beat. BDNF can regrow dendrites and new cells.
  14. If you got HPPD in 2009 and continued taking drugs, especially psychedelics, then you could theoretically have prevented yourself from healing by aggravating whatever damage had occurred after the initial injury. Also, it's really difficult to assess your situation if the only information you provide is that your symptoms worsened in 2015. There could be an entire range of different reasons as to why your symptoms worsened. I know you've mentioned you've tried many different medications, often in combination with one another, and this is one of the main culprits of worsening symptoms. I can't even eat a certain combination of common organic foods without my symptoms worsening so it wouldn't be much of a surprise if your symptoms worsened for a variety of different reasons, especially pharmaceuticals. I'm still a novice when it comes to neuroscience but my understanding is that upon initial injury the nerve dendrites are what's potentially damaged and that as long as drugs and other toxic substances are hence abstained from then those branches of the cell can regrow, but if damage is further exacerbated then the entire cell could be at risk of necrosis which is why remaining drug free during recovery is so crucial. This isn't to say those who have HPPD for more than five years can't eventually recover, especially given the advances in neuroscience right now, but doing it the natural route doesn't appear likely. Although again, I'm no scientist. If anybody would like to correct any of the above information I'd encourage you to do so.
  15. Lion's Mane made me feel temporarily worse. I might try it again someday with a lower dosage or with a different brand.
  16. I guess I'm kinda confused. I keep getting better (feeling like I'm recovering), then I'll feel like I'm getting worse. Then I'll climb out of that and feel like I'm recovering again. Are you saying every time I feel worse I'm having apoptosis? Are HPPDers constantly experiencing this or was it just the one time we did the drug(s)? There's a lot of unanswered questions. I just went 2 days sleeping 4 hours yesterday and 1 1/2 the day before. I went to bed at 3 this morning got up at 1:15 and feel like hell. I thought getting 10 hours would help but it seemed to have made me worse.
  17. I looked at your thread. I've tried a 5ht2a inverse agonist (Abilify) for over a year and it didn't cure my symptoms.
  18. The cause of HPPD is fairly simple and very detailed in my ongoing thread. Its simply neuronal overexcitation leading to apoptosis. I've posted an endless amount of information showing its the only possible cause. Neurogenesis is the only possible cure for HPPD. Also the guys theory is easily disproved in the fact that if it were caused by immune dysfunction attacking the brain, it would most likely be a progressive disease. Which its not.
  19. I do smoke often and it doesnt make visuals intolerable but it definitely makes them stronger and the ringing in my ears gets almost unbearably loud. Ill take a break for a while and stay hopeful thank you for the support and advice
  20. I get in this state where I'm dreaming but actually awake. Right before I fall asleep every time. I like it tbh
  21. Started taking Lions Mane Mushroom these past couple of days. I've heard that it has cured their symptoms, I didn't because I see more afterimages and grainy vision. I also had to stop taking 5htps since I've heard that it makes hppd worsen and that it could be the reason why I haven't recovered. Also, I mixed ssris with psychedelics which I am certain that it brought on the onset of hppd. And I kept taking those because I thought I needed to, but my brain has rewired so there's no way I'm going back to them. I don't want to see a psychiatrist about it because oftentimes they fuck HPPDers over with antipsychotics which make symptoms far worse. Also I'm quitting weed until my symptoms subside cause what I have is not even remotely close to true hppd. Just slightly grainy vision and a little bit of afterimages (which mostly happen when I look directly at a light. This could also be a transition from ceasing ssri intake, so it's possible that I don't have hppd, but visual disturbances and a bit of derealization. However, I'm not going to trip again because of all this bs shit I'm going through unless hppd can be cured. It's weird that lions mane hasn't been working too well for me apparently, cause I thought for sure it'd help.
  22. First off, don't panic. You haven't dosed too many times (roughly a dozen). If you stop now chances are good that you could have significant improvement. If you're consuming MJ it might be a good idea to lay off at least for a while. For many MJ magnifies the symptoms. For me, it makes visuals intolerable. It could take awhile for your symptoms to improve so be patient. As others have suggested avoiding psychedelics is sound advice. Hang in there.
  23. How many of you right before falling asleep you'll move in a motion that'll be related to a dream.? For me I box, and I think about my jab. Then I'm in a dream like state and ill throw I jab, like a small move of my hand.
  24. Yes kind of, I sometimes use the term "nihilistic" trying to describe it. It might appear just like a combination of derealization and depression but I feel like it's "deeper" than just that. I don't really feel it on a such a strong physical level anymore but correlating thought patterns still occur. However I'm optimistic this will dissipate over time.
  25. I know its hard not to worry but you worrying about it so much is probably making it worse. You need to look up radical acceptance. People get DPDR from stress, trauma, and abuse. The people that have it for years are usually people who have been severely abused as children or went through a traumatic event like war or a terror attack. If you try your best to accept it and move on with your life I think it will go away the less you think about it.
  26. What u Think about this @TheMythos
  27. I will thank you for the advice!
  28. Look up DPDR for the "not feeling real" symptoms. Depersonalization/Derealization. The best advice anyone here will tell you is to abstain from drugs and live as healthy a lifestyle as possible. You will heal over time.
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