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  1. Yesterday
  2. Back in the early 80s I brought this condition up with my doctor. He basically told me that it was my punishment for using psychedelics. Ok, so that doctor was a jerk but it taught me that doctors don't know everything. Some are just pill pushers and few are healers. I don't hold any anger for what the doctor said. It's just not worth hanging on to the anger. That being said, to this day, I've never brought it up again with any doctor. Thanks to this forum I plan to at my next physical. We'll see what happens.
  3. Benzodiadepines are only addictive if a) they are abused or b ) they are used everyday. Aside from that, the risk of benzo addiction is non-existent. Coupled with the fact that they have a very low side effect profile and LD50, it makes benzodiazepines extremely safe.
  4. I must be one of the unlucky ones because this shit isnt getting any better.
  5. The advice I give everyone is stop taking drugs ... at least for a while. See if the symptoms moderate. For me, weed really makes my visuals intolerable so I don't touch it. Every once in a great while I give it a try and it's never pleasant. You did one dose of LSA or did you do other hallucinogenic substances as well? If you've only dosed once you may have a good chance of having your symptoms clear up but it might take a while. If you're having issues with anxiety, I can't recommend mindful meditation enough. Good medicine. I don't take any prescription medication so I can't comment on that. Hang in there!
  6. I feel that way too.. like everyone tries too much to pick up unrealistic personas to connect and fit and seem normal. But muy brain can't stop seeing past it.. also, whenever I watch movies, it's hard for my brain to accept the fake story as thought it were real(I mean, that's how we SHOULD enjoy movies). Instead my mind is on the reality that these people are just acting and it's fake... sometimes, in a way. I do accept the movie for what it is tho
  7. Hi, I myself have taken this tab called Lsa, and this was the only hallucination stuff I've ever taken.. I tried it n liked it even though the visuals were still there.. about a month later I tried it again and then smoked weed soon after. That turned out to be the scariest trip of my life. My mind was going crazy as I looked at how colours were moving, and patterns were everywhere, and then when people would talk around me, I would struggle to keep up with understanding whatever there saying. It was one of the worst things ever to Occour to me. After the trip was done. I could still see patterns and my mind still felt the drug.. it's calmed down a little after these 4 years, but I could still feel it's effects.. every time I look at the grass, it has these swirly pattern connections, or if I look at the tile or concrete on the ground, or patterns on the walls(just examples out of Many). My mind notices connections that forum patterns. My thoughts aren't natural anymore and it's difficult to process what people are saying to me, or giving them a reply(I've improved on this thought over these years)... the trippy visuals that i see are best described as like. When tee lights are off and you see figures in the dark that aren't what they actually seem to be, and your mind sees it as like a monster or something, until you turn on the light and realize what it really is, but you also realize why you seen it that way(because it's shape is similar). Well anyways, that's how my trippy visuals are like. I see something as completely different until I concentrate or get a closer look.. another thing is that my minds thoughts don't stay still and on topic. Especially when I'm excited, it's like my mind races around instead of being calm and thinking on topic.. if anyone can help me by giving advice, prescribing certain medications, or ANYTHING. Please let me know... p.s I don't smoke weed or anything anymore because it enhances these effects again
  8. While I feel your pain and went through a similar thing when I was young, I do have some empathy for them. It is a VERY rare disorder, there is no cure and next to no real research to look through. Better to channel your energy into trying to make people aware of the illness and push for the medical community to do more clinical tests, rather than being resentful because doctors have to take guesses. btw - having no previous addiction history means absolutely nothing about whether benzos are addictive... they are, massively.
  9. >Visits the doctors about HPPD, doctor doesn't know anything about HPPD >Tells doctor about persisting drug-induced hallucinations and panic attacks, gets referred to a drug and alcohol service >Makes it clear that there is no history of addiction or continued use, gets referred to psychiatrists >Open to suggestion, trying not to be classed as a drug-seeker, I accept the anti-psychotic prescription Seroquel >Takes Seroquel, makes HPPD worse, notifies doctors of this >Is offered SSRI anti-depressants for panic attacks, rejected them >Prescribed antipsychotic Olanzepine (Zyprexa), which doesn't do anything for HPPD, and Diazepam (Valium) for panic attacks, which also does nothing >Moved to a mental health facility so that doctors can sort medication out >Psychiatrists conclude that panic disorder can fix itself and that the HPPD visuals are psychotic hallucinations >Prescribes Aripiprazole (Abilify), and took away the Diazepam, which made HPPD worse, and induced anxiety and hypertension (high blood pressure) Psychiatrists insist that benzo's are unsafe and should only be used short term due to risk of addiction, despite no history of addiction and the thousands of milligrams worth of any benzodiazepine it would take to actually be fatal. Big fuck you to every single doctor out there who hasn't done their research and has treated every HPPD patient like this. I have already explained to them that the most effective treatment for HPPD include anti-convulsants, but they do not listen. Instead they want to chuck as many anti-psychotics and anti-depressants at me as possible, hoping that I will come across one that will eventually kill me. These doctors are not here to help, they are here to kill and deny effective treatment. Even if addiction were a problem (which is not if you do not abuse medicaiton), I'd rather be addicted to a drug than have HPPD for the rest of my life. Now I will proceed to seek medication illegally because this medical system has failed me.
  10. Last week
  11. @dukkha thank you so much for sharing your story! it really gives me hope for the future. and also thank you very much for the kind words. reading your post warmed my heart. I will actually start studying mechanical engineering in Darmstadt/Braunschweig this october. It's gonna be tough but it's also a big chance to solve my issues with socialising, to get over the HPPD related issues and to finally get a happy/fullfilled life back. To others who might read this: Don't lose hope.. I'm one year in and I can definitely say that even if the symptoms themselves don't improve, you'll feel better every month. Just get outta there and progress in life - just do something productive. socialising, excercising, reading, meditating, studying.. doing some hobby etc. You just have to go continously forward and in one, two years or maybe even more you will be happy again. Work towards that. You will be fine
  12. Mine is really NOT bad but i have dpdr and its NOT good
  13. A little bit, yeah, but I distinctly remember having it for many years before this. If I stared at carpet or any uniformly patterned surface it would ripple and morph. Whether or not HPPD has made it worse, I couldn't say. I also remember reading somewhere that another guy with HPPD was able to make his therapist see the same thing just by describing it to him. Unless yours is really bad, it seems to be pretty normal.
  14. Did you have breathing walls pulsation in walls?
  15. I don't think I've seen any reports of it helping with visuals. Interesting enough oxiracetam made my mushroom visuals go away and fixed my cognitive distinction (growing/shrinking/brain fog etc) but made my hppd much much worse (like taking 10 hits of acid) after trying to stop cold turkey.
  16. I wonder if its helped anyone with CEVs...
  17. Yep, especially the responsive to thoughts and feelings part.
  18. Oh yea there is plenty going on that contributes to it. Lots of situational social stress and anxiety. Then stress about the hair falling out, Peyronie's disease, school, girls, etc. it doesn't help haha you know dosage with Keppra in regards to hppd is a REALLY interesting thing. I've noticed that some people react well to the 1500mg a day dosage recommended in the case study that floats around here. I've read other reports of people taking as low as 50mg a day and, while it took months to get there, saw a 70 percent reduction in symptoms.
  19. Yea its normal you will geth it its like your wound geth touched, my first session i feel strange like dr and dizzy i was noth surprised. Buth you cant compare doing your self or from skilled person. Your ready to panic because your anxiety.
  20. Exactly. Mine were very cartoon like. Sort of two dimensional but not always. They were responsive to thoughts and feelings. Technicolor for sure (is that still a word?). The closest thing I can think of is the psychedelic drawings done by Art Crumb but constantly changing. I'm really glad they finally cleared up.
  21. Mine are a lot more vivid and intense. Like I have a movie projector playing in my head.
  22. No. In response to what you said about muscle tension and hppd.
  23. Are you CEVs similar to this video? Or different? Do you guys see something similar to the fractals?
  24. Whats generally been a therapeutic dose for someone with HPPD?
  25. I noticed the other night that im in a constant state of clenching my jaw and tightening up my facial muscles. I consciously started to release the tension from the face and it was almost as if my body got scared.
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