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June 14 2014

epicnicitysimplicity

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I don't really think I have anyone to talk about this stuff with. HPPD has taken over my life for almost 6 months. The visual symptoms have completely turned my life upside-down and no one understands. I spend days crying and I feel like I'm drowning. I had just graduated high school on June 12th and went to Disneyland on the 13th with my class. On the 14th, a friend and I partied way too hard and mixed multiple drugs and I had woken up with the visual symptoms and the rest was history...

Until I realized this was more serious. I have 20/20 vision. My eyes have been tested recently and they are the same number. However, I have visual snow, see halos, shadows, and after images. I cannot handle it anymore. I can't tell my parents, I had to drop all my college classes too and it was my first semester. I am so close to choosing to end my life, I feel so suffocated. On top of that, I am a recovering coke addict and I know I can't use anything if I want any chance of recovery from HPPD. I just feel so alone, will the visuals eventually disappear?


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I smoked a lot of weed, maybe 9 bowls and drank a bunch and then xanax and meth. I've heard weed causes it but ever since then I've been like this and I'm so sure I have hppd. Thanks for your response.

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Give yourself a chance to adjust and accept the changes, I felt like this when it started for me. Eventually you'll have more better than bad days. 

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Hello....  They are right and you have to give yourself a break.  Everyones makes mistakes and be glad your young and have time to learn how to live with this.  One thing I regret when this happened to me was that I never told my parents. They just assumed I was sick with other things and was a bum or addict etc etc.....  Then my father died not knowing the truth that I was plagued with halos, afterimages, trails, and intense anxiety from past hallucinogen use.  Despite what you think your parents won't kill you....they might be disappointed...but in the end they should/will help you.  But You can't get better without forgiving yourself.  goodluck

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