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  2. Hey all there! Just a little update. Turned out I had lyme disease, with eritema migrans 3 years with it before all that started. but it was asymptomathic and didnt know anything about it. I had the tick bite and the rash and a bad flu after this and some visual disturbances as well ( that went away in a day) but didnt know it was a persistent disease and was asymptomatic for the most part. LSD is inmunosupressive, so i think that taking it just allowed the disease to spread all around ma body. The lyme bacteria itself is inmunosuppressive ( kinda like aids, it produces a substance known as nagalase that supresses the inmune system). So that + lsd no wonders I got fucked up. I also had symptoms of bartonella, babesia, ehrlichia and anaplasma ( comon co-infections of lyme disease as your inmune isnt good enough to fight them all of a suden your body becomes a petri dish lol . For some reason something says to me that bartonella is the fucker here responsible for the most part of the symptoms, you can get it from a cat scratch, althought lyme itself (the borrelia bacteria) can cause them too, as it mimics alzheimer pakinson multiple sclerosis and such. Had a mri and had alterations in my brain, specially the visual cortex part. Tested kinda positive for borrelia bacteria. I kept taking the damn mms + mms 2 + dmso and did the protocols till i was well. It was a long journey and i feel like I need a little extra push but for the most part, my life is back! And I'm stronger than I've ever been no shit. Fasting helps a great deal, just stay in bed and eat nor do nothing other than drink water and watch podcasts. It kills bacteria and resets the body and flushes toxins. Well, all in all is that, I will keep updating as i have some other news. But dont be fooled, hppd isnt because psychedelics, is because of toxins and bacteria, and the fact that i've recovered the way i did is the fucking proof for that. So, people, you know, keep researching and dont keep thinking that you've fucked up yourself because of drugs and keep feeling guilty about it. Is ridiculous. Latent infections like lyme + bad health + even the most bening drug like shrooms or weed, is a big no no . But drugs by themselves if you are perfectly healthy are ok. Im not gloryfing drugs, just saying that healthy people that do them don't have such symptomology as we do Take care people Peace!
  3. Hey! A little update! Turned out I had lyme disease, with erithema migrans present from a thick bite 4 years ago. Just didnt know i had it. Sooo ,you know it was resposible for all that mess, dont drugs themselves but a bacteria Just sharing what it turned out to be. Take care people! Peace!
  4. Thank you, and defo - and good for you! Its a CRAZY thing to deal with, and honestly, knowing that I'm not the only person in the world feeling like this, even after all this time, I feel better already - I know I'm NOT going mad - although I may be a little crazy from time to time!!! 🙂
  5. I hope you feel better soon. I've had bad DP/DR in the past and it's absolute hell. I felt like I was watching someone else live my life from the back of my skull. Things that helped me were meditation (every day until I felt better) - there are some programs specifically designed for DP/DR too. It might be worth speaking to your doctor too.
  6. I don't think I'd take stimulants, but something like modafinil might help. I took it once and didn't have any major issues. Honestly though the best thing you can do is go to bed early the night before. I only figured this out towards the end of university sadly!
  7. I had a relapse a few years back from smoking weed (bad idea, but I missed it so much). I had a hellish month before things became semi-normal again. Relapses suck, but just remember that you've been here before and you know the way to heal.
  8. The best test to diagnose HPPD is a qEEG. if you search for it there's a bit of discussion on the topic. Good luck!
  9. Last week
  10. Welcome. You're more living proof that this disorder doesn't necessarily limit us. I've had hppd over the long haul as well. The good news is that some of my symptoms are almost totally gone. It took decades for them to go away, but I'll take it! Unfortunately, I can't shake the visuals, but I've had them for so long, they're just part of me.
  11. Same as me, 3rd time id ever take acid ( Purple Ohms ) and the first time id ever had any real crazy visuals, had a kind of freak out but it passed. 8 days later, smoked a bit of weed, went to bed and felt myself 'falling' again, straight into that mental bad trip id had just over a week before - ever since then its never really gone away, well, the ripples of it anyway, the 'flash-back' lasted all night, crazy visuals, thought I was forgetting how to breath, all sorts of crazy shit - to this day the trailers are there, geometric patterns on carpets appear, even that crazy feeling in your mouth when you are tripping big time comes and goes - I actually feel like if I really tried, I could put myself back into that super heavy trip from way back in the day!! I actually continued taking acid for another few years, usually offset with Temazepalm, pretty heavy Extacy use as we'll, some tablets with crazy trips attached to them too until I was maybe 22 or 23, then the Coke was the main thing, that I liked as it was non pschycadellic. Weirdly enough, some of the only days in wow, 28 years I've felt normal, and 'everything' was back to normal visually was when taking really good 'E', pure MDMA for example seemed to make me 'normal' again, crazy really! Dabbled with lots of downers too, smoked some brown usually to take the edge f mad cocaine sessions, really enjoyed taking downers as life get pretty 'normal' again in those times! Anyway, I've done no Acid for wow, 25 years, 'E' for 21 or 22, been coke and effectively Drug free for 8 years now. Its there, it aint going away, I watched a thing the other night that linked the 'over sensitivity' to light with a kind of 'PTSD' and then the anxiety, which kinda works for me, the strange sights are what they are, the fear or falling back into that 'bad trip' is pure anxiety - I need to be stronger than my HPPD, and I think I am. The human mind, what an amazing, and sometime scary place!
  12. Hi everyone, Just joined the group... I am surprised it took me so long to find you. Anyway, here is my story: I ate a small dose of acid when I was 12 years old ... I know, I was WAY TO YOUNG (early 90s). It was stupid. Anyway, my experience wasn't bad at all, I was with friends, smoked some weed, watched the wind blow in the trees, ate some ice cream, listened to music, and went to bed. Woke up the next morning feeling FINE. Four days later I had a flashback and never came down. That was 24 years ago... yeah. My initial symptoms were the most intense. They can be best described as though I was sucked into the back of my head and forced to experience the world from there. I felt (still feel) like I wasn't really here and I was seeing as though I was still tripping... I was seeing through someone else's eyes, 24/7. This was extraordinarily traumatic for me. Not only was I so young (12 years old), but I felt like I was losing my mind and no one believed me or could help me. Really, I think no one understood so they didn't believe me. I was helpless and totally alone. I prayed every night it would go away and in the morning I opened my eyes and the world always looked the same... like I was tripping. Over the next several years, I told no one and learned to deal with it. I swore off all drugs and tried to ignore my symptoms. Eventually, I would get distracted throughout the day and forget about my visual perception distortion. But it never went away. When I was 19 I went to a psychiatrist thinking he could help me and he prescribed me antipsychotics. NOT COOL. He didn't understand and thought I was crazy. This lasted only a few months and my next therapist gave me Prozac. This helped immensely with the anxiety of it all but my symptoms never fully went away. By this time my "stuck in the back of my head" feeling had gone away. I can feel myself over my entire brain now, but I STILL see as though I am on LSD. I am now a 36-year-old with a Ph.D. and a family. I think about my visual distortions every day. I remember how the world used to look before acid. I take my kid for walks and I try really hard to see through the distorted curtain that has been pulled over my eyes. I still dont totally feel "here". I still feel like I am watching a movie opposed to being truly present. I also need to state that have anxiety and ADHD. Obviously, I have anxiety (who wouldn't, right?) and I was diagnosed with ADHD at 22. I have no other mental disorders. I am not trying to scare people by telling my story. I am hoping that someone understands what I am saying and we can talk about why this is happening to us. Does anyone else have a similar story? Single-use? 24 constant years of symptoms? What about feeling like your looking through some else’s eyes? I know that LSD (I have a chem phd) doesn't chemically bind to receptors (it's an ionic bond) and therefore doesn't chemically alter the brain. It also doesn't physically stay in the brain for more than 7-12 hours. So far, there's no physical explanation for why we experience this. I could go on but I'll leave it open for questions and comments. Thanks for listening.
  13. I have a very similar history. I started dosing just before my 14th birthday (1973). I assumed the symptoms I had would vanish when I stopped. Of course, they didn't. I too thought I was the only one in the world who was stuck with this. I stopped dosing in 1979, there was no internet, and nobody to talk to. I realized there's nothing particularly unique about me so I figured there must be others. When I found this site, I realized that I wasn't alone. Life has been good to me as well and many of my symptoms have nearly vanished. I still have significant visuals though. I'm almost 60. Welcome!
  14. Hi all, its only been in the past 2 days I've started to try and figure out what this 'shit' that goes on in my brain is, I'm under no illusions its due to LSD, as a lot on here are the same I'm sure - I honesty have felt ever since I've had this 'thing' going on I'm my life I was the only person in the world who was experiencing it, a life long trip that was never going away. Well, my symptoms started when I was 15, a long story of drugs and debauchery through the 90's Generation X fun and games that ill tell soon, I'm now 43, so have been living with this for a long time! Now I know I'm not, it was literally an internet search 2 nights ago based on my experience and a couple of Youtube vides that showed me I'm not the only person every to feel like this. Its part of me, I've had a good, healthy, and successful life, and am still doing so but man sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be 'normal. unless that would just be boring! Anyway, its great to speak to like-minded souls and hear of other experiences, I hope I can be of help to some and hey, maybe ill need some help off you guys too! P - UK.
  15. Has anyone had their visual snow go away or diminish over time? I actually feel like mine has gotten worse and I’m not sure if this is normal. Was it heavy or mild? Mine is pretty heavy at the moment.
  16. Jjjj

    Hppd flare up?

    Thank you for your reply. I’m just as confused as you are on why I had a relapse completely out of nowhere after getting sick. At this point, I think it may had something to do with how sick I got and it might have made my body very weak causing my mental state to become weak as well. That was the most ill I’ve ever been in my life and it really knocked me out for a few weeks. Prior to this happening I have used other medications and never had any side effects to even come close to this. And no I have not had a physical since I was sick but I am thinking of making a drs appointment soon to rule out any other causes for this. It just feels like my whole life is a haze or even dream like. My thoughts are so unorganized and I have also lost sense of time and days because of my symptoms. I will keep in mind to take care of myself more and see if there is any improvement.
  17. hey guys I am starting a new channel where i talk about hppd, mental health, and maybe throw in a couple of stories here and there. maybe you'd wanna check out my first video where i am talking about hppd and what it is and some common symptoms. I also go over how i got my hppd and what its like having it. Maybe check out my personal story! looking for feedback ❤️ thankyou
  18. MadDoc

    Hppd flare up?

    Yes, there is hope for you. Don't start thinking there is no hope. Your symptoms significantly moderated before and that's a really good sign. I have no idea why the flu, tamiflu, or antibiotics would cause a relapse (I'm not a doctor or a medical professional). I'm hyper-sensitive to cold medications and don't take them. You may have a similar issue Have you had a physical since you were sick? Just curious. Stay clean, stay focused, and give yourself some time. I can't stress enough, your life is worth living! Don't ever underestimate your inner strength. Hang in there and take care.
  19. For everyone from the UK and Australia, please check this out: https://www.visualsnowinitiative.org/research/visual-snow-researchers-seeking-volunteers/ This is a huge deal, you can really help the research big time, so please make use of this opprtunity!!! This research is no joke. There is real legitimate hope.
  20. Earlier
  21. Jjjj

    HPPD Relapse

    Can you give us an update on how you are feeling now?? Have any of the symptoms gotten better??
  22. Hello, When I was teenager I had some experiences with weed and synthetic weed. I was not a chronic user. I probably got high about 5 times at most with each. After smoking what I think was laced weed I started to experience hppd from that next day on. I dealt with it for about 1-2 years and noticed it greatly diminished to the point where I didn’t even know what hppd felt like anymore. Every now and then I would get a little panicky but most of the effects were gone. Well after about 6 years I got struck with a really bad flu and was prescribed some antibiotics and the generic brand for tamiflu. One day as the flu symptoms went away I literally woke up feeling hppd all over again as hard as the first time around. It felt like I was doing drugs all over again. Now I’m left with the confusion of how it resurfaced without recent illicit drug use. Now I’m battling hppd all over again and my symptoms have caused severe anxiety and depression. For a while it seemed to be getting a bit better but somehow the anxiety got a hold of me a bit stronger and I am back to the beginning of it. I’m having constant visuals, after images, ghosting, and I have a really hard time concentrating on things or even remembering things because of how I feel. I also noticed a big increase in visual snow. Has anyone had a flare up similar to this?? Or has anyone had it more than once and got it to go away again?? What should I do in my condition?? Any advice? Is there hope for me? I thought I had defeated this and now that I am experiencing this again it has completely made me second guess my whole life. I am also starting to have suicidal thoughts. Should I just hang in there and see if time will help? At this point idk what to do and need help. (Btw this happened in February of 2018 it is now July 2019 and I’m still struggling)
  23. Thanks much for your answer, Still, any good energy is welcome, you're right. On my point of view, this is how hppd / VS evolves in time , and how it ressemble a lot to Visual snow, and why this similitude should be researched in priority : - Brutal outburst, Day 0 to year 1 : generates a lot of panic, anxiety and can worsen any pre existant mental condition - For HPPD in fact, versus VS, the difference is the sudden outburst, more brutal and that can come with trip "flashbacks" - This is the main difference between VS and HPPD. Most people will recover from that episode spontaneously, and consider it as a mental breakdown, or mild teenage psychosis If at that point, it does not go away during the next 6 month : - settling Year +1 to +5 - the symptoms shared by both HPPD and visual snow settle, and start do look identical - how people react to that psychologically may vary a lot depending on individual. I believe many VS patient go into depression and suicidal tendencies too. This phase is crucial. Any wrong diagnostic or wrong medical orientation at that point can totally compromise phase 3 and literally freeze all chances of recovering a normal social life. It might seem very naive, to say so, but at that point, all is needed is : love, support, understanding, confort and a very very healthy lifestyle. I would not recommend any form of psychiatric medication at all, or any kind of psychiatric diagnostic. - acceptance : year 5 to ...99: Once accepted, only the cognition disorder will remain, and fluctuate, until the old days. Once the symptoms are fully accepted, most of individuals will have normal lifes and no further need of psychological support. This period, to me, match at 100% to what patients with visual snow experience from day 0 to 99. in fact i really believe the cure sits in the same place as the one for visual snow, same as Lamictal works on both pathologies in the very exact same way. Once Visual snow is cured, and there is a lot of attention on it, these days, we will probably make a lot of progress too. I'm sorry about my epidermic reaction , I know you have good willing intention , it's also deeply anchored in my own beliefs that psychiatry can provide precious help, but can also focus unproductive attention on the wrong patterns and consequences of this neurological disorder.
  24. You're clearly mentally intact and you recognize there might be an issue. Be thankful that you discovered this early on. Also, you dosed quite recently. Even after a chemical like LSD wears off, there can be residual effects that aren't necessarily permanent. Try not to dwell on your fear because fear can cause stress and stress can make everything feel worse. As Jay said, stay clean and that included cannabis. Give yourself some time and be patient. Hang in there.
  25. Thank you olivier24445 for your feedback. There is a need for all specialty areas to explore HPPD and plenty of elbow room for differing approaches in this space. HPPD overlaps psychiatry, psychology, neurology... for starters. One could explore other areas of medicine (genetics, etc.), as well. Do not leap to judgment that "mental disorder" or "addiction" are inappropriate areas of study... they are IMPORTANT! It is understood HPPD can occur on one single substance... and that "substance" does not even necessarily need to be illicit. There is nothing about the research that is stereotyping "addicts". Disorders such as HPPD have a rightful place in peer-reviewed journals focused on addiction because that is where a larger population of researchers, clinicians, and patients associated with HPPD can be found who will read the latest news and carry a torch for new studies. While teaming up with Visual Snow Syndrome communities is a fine thing, it doesn't cover the broader reach of other comorbidities that individuals with HPPD face -- anxiety, suicidality, for example. These are NOT symptoms expressly as a consequence of being afflicted, but are also possible precursors... we just don't know enough about the relationship to HPPD... yet. The point I'm making is... HPPD belongs within MANY disiciplines of study, from different angles... addiction is one of those, psychiatry, another, etc. There is also interest in immune disorders relevance, allergies, etc. We need to go far, wide, as well as deep. And I would just like to make a point about decorum on this board. Human to human (egos aside, titles aside), I am a MOM of a young man who suffers immeasurably with HPPD/visual snow. I am totally sensitive to the unfortunate treatment of patients who had a drug history. I have met with many doctors who treated my son poorly, as if he was a "druggie" (He wasn't!) I get that. I am WITH you in this fight. But let me say this... The research I did was unpaid, non-political, genuine, and one would think a forum like this would be welcoming of ANY and ALL research efforts towards finding root causes and effective treatments. Instead, if you take a look at the many comments I tend to attract (first, when I announced the study several years ago, and now), there is always someone alleging something negative... from bias to misleading information or that I hope to make money on the work/publishing, etc.. Now, THAT... I don't get! Indeed, many of you are hurting terribly, you're angry this happened to you. Doctors are far and few between who understand, who are NOT up-to-date on the facts/research, who even really care. But when someone comes along and does care, and does work to help, why be so critical? It is presumptuous and closed-minded to reduce the study of HPPD to one discipline. I commend all the research being done on Visual Snow, but messages suggesting that any other approach is misleading or wrong is an irresponsible comment. In a nutshell, if other researchers and doctors visit this website... WELCOME them and their help. Someday... and I hope soon, there will be relief found. D.
  26. You've had a clear warning sign, I wouldn't say you have mild hppd, but you certainly have all the precursors to suggest any more dabbling with drugs could trigger something. 12 days is too soon to know anything, so stay totally sober and see what happens. There is every chance you will recover, but take notice of what your brain is telling you. Also be aware that your vision was never perfect, but you were never actively looking for issues... The more you focus on hppd, the more you will see the eye's natural flaws and panic yourself... My advice, try to forget about hppd, distract yourself... get out in the world and do things that you enjoy that don't require drugs/alcohol. If, in a month or so of sobriety, you still feel there are lingering problems... Then start doing more serious research on the topic. All the best, Jay
  27. I've only tripped on acid 3 times but I smoked weed constantly for 2.5 years. My first trip I took way too much (600ug) and had the worst experiences of my life alone in my room. This should have dissuaded me from further trips but apparently I don't learn until it's too late. 2 weeks later I had a much smaller dose and for the most part I enjoyed the trip. The last time I did it was 6 weeks later (about 12 days ago) with an even smaller dose and I felt fine after coming down. But after about a week I was hitting tokes and looked up to notice the uncanny effects of an acid trip. No visual snow, I never got that while tripping anyway, but my depth perception was off - straight lines didn't look completely straight - and my world was spinning slightly. There weren't any enhanced colours or anything else, no fractals, no auras, but I convinced myself it felt like acid. This freaked me out more than I can ever put into words as I had sworn never to do acid again after my last trip as I felt sure it wasn't for me and the experience of tripping really scared the living hell out of me. The only thing was, the night before I had read about auras caused by hppd and had extreme anxiety because I had developed an astigmatism in my right eye and I thought it was due to acid. Until I realized I had texted my mom about my vision problems a week before ever dropping. I was sobbing inconsolabley on the floor until I realized this. I'm a bit of a hypochondriac so I wasn't sure if the initial effects of weed had caused a full on anxiety attack when my vision naturally distorted slightly as a result of being super high and my extreme anxiety the night before. The next day at work I felt dizzy and my vision still felt off, despite my being completely sober. On my break I hit some tokes to try to calm down but they did not help as I still felt off. In fact, for the first time in years, weed made my anxiety worse. This made me almost puke - I was shaking and could barely function I was so scared of developing hppd. My anxiety didn't subside the entire day and night and I remained hypervigilant to any visual disturbance. I couldn't fall asleep because I kept staring at my wall, focusing intently, and I would notice it would move slightly if I stared for long enough. I then googled it and apparently this occurs for everyone - my friend (whose only psychadelic experience is a couple months of weed) also confirmed the wall bubbled when she stared at it for long enough. My depth perception was also still off - or so I was telling myself. I ended up falling asleep talking to my friend on the phone as I could not calm myself down. I didn't eat more than a couple bites of anything for days because my anxiety made anything I ate feel like it would come up a second later. The next day I worked 8 hours through near-constant panic and had to I sleep at my friend's house as a result. That was also the night I quit all drugs (minus caffeine), alcohol, and even cigarettes. I didn't think it was possible for me to do this but my fear of hppd seemed to overpower every addiction I've ever had. I'm willing to do anything to ensure I don't develop it. It's been 4 days since I quit, but I've felt sick and dizzy since then. I still sometimes feel like I'm tripping while completely sober but it's normally momentary - like the angle of my phone will seem weird or text won't seem quite right - but I have no way of distinguishing between what is normal and what isn't. I don't know whether I have a stomach bug (I have diarrhea, am extremely woozy, and my head feels cloudy), whether I'm still going through some sort of withdrawal, or whether I have a mild form of hppd and I am in a state of denial. My questions are: 1. For those of you with HPPD, is it obvious that you have it? Or do you have long periods where you could believe you were 100% clear? 2. Has anyone ever been in my hypochondriac position of believing every visual abnormality they've ever had is a result of an acid trip? Or am I just in denial? 3. If I stay sober, will it go away? What if it was never here in the first place and I spend the rest of my life freaking out over visual disturbances I've always had? 4. Do you ever experience dizziness/wooziness? My head feels like it's spinning like it would if I didn't eat for days (which I haven't, really) so I want to confirm that this isn't an hppd symptom. I'm really just looking for someone to calm me down. I don't have any friends who have experienced this so I need to look elsewhere for assurances. I'm a 20 year old male and I've never experienced anything close to the anxiety brought about by my continual self-diagonsis and denial 5 minutes later. I had to leave work for a couple hours to go throw up. The fact that I may also be sick from something doesn't help my extreme hypochondria. More than anything, I just want to know whether I have it or not. My constant self doubt and recurring panic are extremely hard to handle. Thank you in advance.
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