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  2. Never had more than 2..... not risking it.
  3. Today
  4. Jay has. But he also has klonopin.
  5. Yeah I feel like I'm tripping constantly. It's the biggest thing I can't handle. I feel it in my head and all over my body. I wish I just had visuals. I can handle the visuals. It's my dp/dr along with it that has driven me insane. I can't take it. I try to build strength and say I can take it. And then like can crumble 5 minutes later. I literally am fighting every second of every day. Can someone make it there whole life like this?
  6. I strongly relate.
  7. I trip enough without drugs, and not in a good way. Horrible shit this stuff is. I won't ever touch anything again, that's for sure.
  8. I couldn't imagine doing another trip, that to me would be worse than death. I won't even touch mary jane, I know I would have a bad reaction like last time. I just recently got to where I can drink beer, and even then so when I start feeling buzzed I get to where I'm feeling weird. I remember being so normal before my last traumatic trip. HPPD has changed my life so much. you never appreciate sobriety enough. I appreciate just being able to drink some coffee, have a beer or smoke a cigarette,
  9. You have pre-hppd, maybe even mild hppd. Abstain from doing drugs ever again live a healthy lifestyle and you'll be fine.
  10. Dude Paxil fucked me up worse than any other drug. I took it for 2 months and the side effects and depression made me want to kill myself. I couldn't even get out of bed on that shit.
  11. Anyone get a trippy feeling which is like having these weird trippy sensations in your body but they feel dysphoric instead of euphoric? This has been going on for a couple of weeks and it's so disturbing. I just want it to stop.
  12. Yeah I don't either. Especially my symptoms for the past 2 years which were triggered by panic attacks, not drugs. People are always looking at hppd through their individual lens and people with mild hppd have no idea how bad it can get. I know because my hppd was mild for 6 years.
  13. Yeah but neurodegeneration is the disease getting progressively worse like with Huntington's disease. HPPD isn't neurodegenerative or people wouldn't be able to recover.
  14. That might be true for many cases but I don't think that "HPPD" is the same for everyone, it is a term used to summarize various symptoms triggered by drug use. I am not sure if visuals alone without mental symptoms could be described as mental illness.
  15. Hello all, My name is Christiaan, I'm 18 years old. Over this past summer I smoked copious ammounts of cannabis and consumed LSD thrice, with a space of three weeks between the first and second expereinces and one week between the second and third. On the first two occasions I consumed half of a 155ug tab and smoked a small ammount of cannabis alongside (around one bowl). during the final experience I tripped in haste in my home, and dabbed pretty heavily alongside. I had an amazing experience on 3/4 of a tab, and on the comedown of this trip I accidentally ate another 3/4 tab, intending to redose only 1/4. I panicked and went to my sister, who became upset and started to frighten me as I began to trip harder, and so I just went into my room and panicked quietly. Eventually, maybe two hours later I took 15mg Remeron, an SNRI I'm perscribed for GAD/Depression, which put me to sleep for a few hours. When I woke up I was no longer tripping. Needless to say, since this past experience I have ceased all cannabis/hallucenogen consumption. I have been seeing slight hallucenations. Surfaces sometimes breathe, subjects in paintings seem to float and move around, and when reading lettering, especially on a screen, the words and lines can really seem to warp and slide around a bit. I also have noticed strong starbursting affects on lights especially at night, but I'm fairly sure I experienced that before. I am terrified of this developing into something less easy to ignore, especially since I took an SNRI while I had a good bit of acid in my system. As time goes on I become less and less hopeful that this is simply my anxiety or heightened awareness of normal phenomena. Thank you so much if you managed to read all this. -Christiaan
  16. Hello all, My name is Christiaan, I'm 18 years old. Over this past summer I smoked copious ammounts of cannabis and consumed LSD thrice, with a space of three weeks between the first and second expereinces and one week between the second and third. On the first two occasions I consumed half of a 155ug tab and smoked a small ammount of cannabis alongside (around one bowl). during the final experience I tripped in haste in my home, and dabbed pretty heavily alongside. I had an amazing experience on 3/4 of a tab, and on the comedown of this trip I accidentally ate another 3/4 tab, intending to redose only 1/4. I panicked and went to my sister, who became upset and started to frighten me as I began to trip harder, and so I just went into my room and panicked quietly. Eventually, maybe two hours later I took 15mg Remeron, an SNRI I'm perscribed for GAD/Depression, which put me to sleep for a few hours. When I woke up I was no longer tripping. Needless to say, since this past experience I have ceased all cannabis/hallucenogen consumption. I have been seeing slight hallucenations. Surfaces sometimes breathe, subjects in paintings seem to float and move around, and when reading lettering, especially on a screen, the words and lines can really seem to warp and slide around a bit. I also have noticed strong starbursting affects on lights especially at night, but I'm fairly sure I experienced that before. I am terrified of this developing into something less easy to ignore, especially since I took an SNRI while I had a good bit of acid in my system. As time goes on I become less and less hopeful that this is simply my anxiety or heightened awareness of normal phenomena. Thank you so much if you managed to read all this. -Christiaan
  17. Thanks. It just seems so frustratingly odd...I developed HPPD almost six years ago to the date. At the beginning I was beside myself in terror-but I was prescribed abilify and an ssri I can't remember and started to habituate. To be honest-maybe the rx at the time did nothing but since I had no dp/dr I just accepted my new normal. I stay on ssri off and on (for long stretches) over the years with no changes and even some anxiety relief. I go off Paxil in February as I feel I no longer need it. Summer was beyond stressful so I decide, quite begrudgingly to go on the 10 mg Paxil again. It's almost like I downregulated too many 5ht2a receptors and now my baseline is this dp state for good. Odd I've often gotten this after falling asleep at least three other times. This time it stuck and I don't know why. Well that's my sob story folks. End.
  18. I tend to agree. The limbic system, from what very limited knowledge I have of the brain, makes sense. That said, I don't think we should rule out the cause being our brains attacking themselves in response to the drugs which then caused neurodegeneration. I know for example that after I initially got HPPD I had severe brain fog which Dr. Kharrazian has said is a sign of a cellular cleaning process. I've always thought this could be an indication my brain just kept on attacked itself even long after the acid left my system. I have psoriasis and possibly an autoimmune thyroid condition as well. My whole family has autoimmunity too.
  19. Yesterday
  20. Then what? What if you drink more? Do they get more frequent permanently?
  21. I'm 1.5 years in, and even after 2 beers I get increased twitching and brain zaps when following asleep later that night
  22. Good luck! Not all have bad reactions to SSRIs.
  23. This is a major issue of mine... Waking up early. Takes me a while to fall asleep as well. Meditation before bed helps.... Body scanning.... Melatonin... The occasional sleeping pill. Still a daily struggle though and I never used to have sleeping issues.
  24. I think what we describe hppd as is nothing but symptoms of true mental illnesses we brought out by doing drugs.
  25. I think I've read about it from time to time. There's been a topic on this forum that includes a poll, to which a lot of people have answered. I should prolly go check that out again. What I was missing from that is people's experiences with HPPD over a long time. My HPPD was caused by the one and only one drug experience, out of alcohol, I ever had - a blotter with a combo of 25I and 25c nBOME. Days after I had a lot of anxiety, due to things happening during the trip, and I noticed floaters. Thought of it quite a lot but accepted it - recalled I read about it somewhere, that you could experience permanent problems. If I remember it correctly, I did drink a bit after that but it was after the festival I came back home and noticed my entire vision had changed. Sad to think of it, as I guess that I could've recovered, but that those days in a not so good environment fucked me over. Really? What amounts and to what extent? Yup, drugs are drugs, regardless of name and common use. My friends are quite supportive and I really don't have that problem. I just find myself missing it sometimes. I can't remember what it feels like but yesterday, for example, I was just sitting at home, doing some work. I started listening to Avicii's new songs and danced in my chair. I felt so happy about the song, but there's a longing for the buzz and rhythm going through my body. That, in turn, made me sad. I can be social and dance without drinking, no problem, but I can only manage the social bit to a certain extent before the drunkedness of people are too overwhelming for my abilities. They're on a different wave length by then, crossing a border I can't get over while sober. How did it make you freak out? You get no effect from it, bad ones especially?
  26. So I've commented awhile back about possible hppd, which I come to find out I have :(. I was suffering with depression and serious anxiety and was warned not to start Prozac.. I had no other option to start trying it because i couldn't get much worse seeing I hit the bottom already. The Prozac def increases my hppd symptoms but atleast it made me feel happy and no anxiety but trippy at the same time. It help my visual snow to, which means probably all the anxiety was causing it. I don't want to have to take the antidepressant for more than a year tho. Hopefully it's not a lifetime gig for me.
  27. Anyone tried it? I have mild HPPD...tons of floaters of all kinds, enhanced BFEP, Tinnitus, muscle twitching, bundle of nerves feeling that won't go away..... Anyway I've tried mirtazapine over a year ago..helped me sleep but first day after taking it I saw waving walls and BFEP....kept taking it and only occasional saw those things.... clonidine didn't do much but make me thirsty..... valium is ok but I don't take it often.... I only took amitriptyline for a week 10 months ago and didn't seem to do anything negative.....I'm thinking of starting up a small low dose regiment and see if it helps with the VS and Tinnitus...... Anyone else tried it?
  28. Couldn't drink during first months after my bad trip because it made me freak out. Now I can enjoy alcohol again, in fact I might be drinking too much. Guess I will try to cut it out again so my mind can focus on recovery.
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