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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum

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  1. Yesterday
  2. Thank you posting the article and for your comments. One thing to note, in the drug culture in the early 70s, "flasbacks" were thought to be nonsense. They were portrayed in the media to be like experiencing a full dose. I had never known of anyone who experienced anything like that. We all realized that dosing made you experience the world differently once the dose wore off, but we thought it was limited to things like reevaluating your priorities in life. I never heard of anyone discussing the permanent disabling symptoms of hppd. If I had thought about it some, it should have been obvious. There were certainly some acid "casualties" around. We just assumed this was due to some underlying mental condition that had come to the surface. I wish the media had been honest about psychedelics. We all thought the flasback danger was just a scare tactic. Then again, I'm not sure I would have listened.
  3. I also had a love affair with acid. To me it wasn't just a tool to find answers, it was the answer. I was just a kid and didn't realize how wrong I was. Unfortunately, back in the early 1970s, there were a lot of people around who also thought it was the answer. As @sami stated, you haven't ruined you life. You're in a strange and unfamiliar place and that can be scary. In this forum there are quite a few people who have done remarkable things with their lives. While I don't consider my life remarkable, it sure has been a great ride. We can't turn back the clock and change the things we've done. However, once you get clean, the healing can begin. Don't tempt fate by continuing to use drugs. Set some goals for yourself and start moving toward them. Never give up on yourself. Hang in there.
  4. Last week
  5. No, this is not possible. HPPD is known since the 60's and there is not a single case report of blindness as far as I know. DP is depersonalisation. It means that you're feeling detached from your body or you feel like you're not real or feel like you're robot-controlled. DR is derealization. It means that the environment (objects, friends/family, your home, ...) is feeling very strange, unfamiliar and unreal. If they occur often, these symptoms are extremely damning and some people here describe them as their worst ones. Often, those symptoms are a reaction by the psyche to heavy anxiety. Luckily, I had DR only in the very beginning and DP still only 2 times and very short. So for me they were not a big problem yet, fortunately. It can be a side effect of HPPD (as well as of many other diseases), it's not so uncommon, I've read it quite often.
  6. Haha, I did think that so often, too 😁 You mean tobacco? I think that would make sense (though it would also when you wouldn't have HPPD 😉), but be careful. If you're dependent, the withdrawel symptoms could make you more nervous. If I were you, I'd do it slowly. Getting completely drug-free is your best bet, this is what everyone in this forum will tell you. Btw, caffeine is making symptoms worse, usually. Yes it is. Your highest priority should be to be strong and don't fall into anxiety. Anxiety is worsening everything and the more often you're afraid and you give in falling into negative thought circles, the more likely it is that you develop a comorbid anxiety disease. Try to live healthy and to not think so much about your symptoms. I know this is hard. I've gone through the same and I still fight against it. But time helped, it has become easier to ignore it. Mee, too. But this is very unlikely. I believe in most cases it fades out or at least gets much better within 12 months if people take care of themselves.
  7. Could you explain me what is DP and DR? I also feel head pressure some times and I am wondering if this is from HPPD or just from something else. I really hope you will get better man I don't know what advice I should give because I am new to this stuff.. Hope you can at least deal with sleep issues. I had a dream before this thing happened that it happened to me and now my dreams come true.. I also somehow have really vivid dreams and I nearly went to astral projection last night which scared me hard as fuck. I haven't been to doctor so I am not diagnosed with HPPD, but I am pretty sure this is it. Also I wanted to ask you (I don't know if you know, but still) if you can get blind from this disease? I wear glasses every day and I am bit scared that one day Ill wake up and won't be able to see.
  8. That sucks I am going to read it right now. I wouldn't wish this illness for my biggest enemy. I feel like it is getting worse a bit and this is probably because I think about it too much, but sometimes I just can't stop thinking about it, it disturbs me..Do you think I should quit smoking too? I personally think that this is some kind of psychological illness, because as more as you think about it as worse it can get.I wish that someone could clear my memory, so I would forget about it and it would probably go away easier. I am also scared to use any medicament, because I don't want to get used to that. I have also noticed that it gets worse in the night and when the sun is shining. I hope we can get rid of it man. This idea that it can stay till I die drives me crazy some times..
  9. Yes, I have mild HPPD for 3-4 months now. If you'd like to know everything you could take a look into my introduction
  10. You are 100% right man. I won't do that until its gone. I still feel these mood changes and when it gets dark I see a lot of these flashing light trails, so I turn on the light and I barely see them. This shit is pretty scary. What about you? Do you also have hppd?
  11. + sleep disorders Thanks for this. Looking forward to see the questionnaire and, of course, the results afterwards!
  12. Some update: Luckily, my worst fears did not come true yet. Had no further issues with DP/DR so far. Anxiety did subside again, but my state of consciousness is still altered. For about 2 weeks, I had a generalized itching that definitely was not caused by skin issues. Just some random, changing body parts were suddenly pricking and itching, especially in the evening. Every time different parts which fastly changed. Fortunately, it went away after 2 weeks. During this time, I tried a sedative antihistamine (doxylamine) which helped a lot to supress this symptom and get some sleep. It didn't have any effect on my visuals. Just as the headache / head pressure and muscle twitching, it just subsided after some time. Never had such symptoms before my HPPD. For now, I dropped all meds as my state is manageable, but visuals still get worse slowly. Sleep issues are persisting.
  13. Yea, we get so many people post for just a few weeks and leave. Would be very interesting to know if their hppd went away.
  14. Maybe also a word to this one... Even if you get better fast, give your brain enough time. I'd recommend at least some drug-free months after everything is completely OK again. Otherwise you put yourself at risk of expieriencing a rebound that is even worser than your initial issue and that may won't fade away fast. Many of the people that got severe, persisting HPPD ignored warning signals.
  15. You might be right. Thanks for advice:) In my opinion there is nothing to worry about, at least when I can see and I am not blind.
  16. And it's probably not the last one When it gets bad again, always be aware that it's just an episode and there are better times again. It's a good time to learn not being too much a slave of your emotions. No state of mind is final. A good lesson also for the rest of your life!
  17. I don't know how, but few hours ago I managed to get rid of the anxiety and bad feelings about this thing. Maybe I understood that it can always be worse.Now I feel that I am actually enjoying this trip and these effects, since they aren't gone. I don't feel hopeless anymore, opposite - I am happy. This may be some kind of mood swing, but I think that I developed some kind of new mindset that helped me to deal with this problem and it will in a future till it is gone.. I even want to smoke weed now But I won't do that till I am fully recovered. Big thanks for your answer!
  18. Hi & welcome! I also got mild HPPD from Cannabis & LSD use. First the most important thing, you should stay stober if you'd like to cure. Cannabis & LSD are worsening and prolonging the effects in nearly all cases. Cannabis won't calm you down, it's not like in the past anymore! It'll just make you more psychotic. Anyhow, Cannabis and LSD cannot physically damage your brain, but they can muddle your neurotransmitter balance which results in the symptoms that you're expieriencing currently. As long as you don't hear voices or feel that others read your mind or something, don't worry so much about Schizophrenia. Are there Schizophrenia cases in your family? Everything can seem very hopeless in moments of anxiety and heavy mood swings, I know this very well. But few days after stopping drugs, it's way too early to think your life is ruined. Few days or weeks of emotional instability after having a bad trip is not so uncommon, especially if you take such high doses of Cannabis. Cannabis prolongs and amplifies the effects of a psychedelic afterglow. If you stay sober, the chances that especially your emotional situation will get much better very soon are extremely good (few days / weeks). Regarding your visuals, they'll may subside fastly as well or they'll may stay longer or even get worse, but I'd heavily advice you to don't try to improve the situation with psychedelics or Cannabis, it won't work. For me, it sounds like you just have a mild HPPD / bad trip afterglow which usually fades away after some time if you abstain. If this will develop into a severe HPPD or other psychiatric diseases highly depends on how much you take care of yourself in the next time. So my advices would be: Try to calm down, don't think so much about your symptoms, believe that you'll be fine, STAY SOBER, live healthy, avoid stress and take care of your sleep (go to bed at the same time every day, sleep 8+ hours if possible), then your chances are good that you'll fully recover. If you can't calm down, a benzodiazepine could may help you with that. If you can't get a prescription, you'll usually get one or two pills of Diazepam or Lorazepam in most emergency departments or psychiatric ambulances. If you get a prescription, Clonazepam seems to be the best one against HPPD. But be careful, benzos can lead to dependence very fast and continued use won't bring your old life back, in fact the opposite is the case. Anyhow, they can help you to initially calm down once, so that you're able to reflect your situation without anxiety and refuel mental strength to get through the next days. Also, meditation and any form of distraction from your symptoms can help you a lot to calm down, get rid of panic attacks and improve your emotional stability. Good luck!
  19. Hello everyone. So I tried Lsd with my two friends for a first time like 3 weeks ago. At first everything was going alright, we were laughing a lot and had much fun watching all the visuals we had. Then I decided to drink some beer (which I don't drink at all) and it tasted like lemonade so I drank like one liter of it like in 15 minutes. After that we went to smoke some weed (I was heavy smoker, so I didn't even think that bad stuff can happen). After we smoked a joint, I got crazy and started to think things like that life is a simulation and that we are all being controlled by someone. I started acting weird and I felt like I was being controlled by someone at that moment and felt like I was out of my body. Like 10 minutes passed and I came back and my friends were looking strange at me like I was crazy and this idea that I went crazy got me very anxious and I couldn't get rid of it. I couldn't stop thinking about this crazy stuff that I somehow damaged my brain and my whole trip was turned to a bad one. After like 10 hours I was feeling even more depressed and couldn't even go to sleep till the morning. After I woke up I was feeling the same way and this even got me more anxious. I could not get rid of all the bad thoughts and I felt chest pain. Few days passed, I smoked weed and had a panic attack (which I even thought was heart attack). I went to hospital to check my blood and doctor told me that my potassium level has decreased. I was relieved that this was not something more (like brain damage or something). I started to eat healthy, stopped smoking weed for a few days. 4 days passed and I decided to smoke some weed again since I was getting better. After that joint I started to feel very paranoid, felt chest pain again and was getting thoughts that this is some kind of schizophrenia, I was like in mini Lsd trip. So I completely stopped smoking weed (which I was smoking daily like 5-10 grams a day) and few days ago I was looking into some flowers and I saw it shaking. My heart started beating again, anxiety got me again. I was trying to calm my self down and it worked for that day. The next day I woke up and felt like high on Lsd without smoking weed. Now 3 days passed and I still feel the same feeling and I think that it is getting worse. I started to see some kind of lsd trails everywhere I go and I am wondering if this is HPPD?I sometimes see a wall breathe or move and also I see some kind of flashing lights ( I don't even know how to explain, it is like I would watch at the sun for a minute and then turn my head from it and see the sun image on the wall or everywhere I look) and this thing won't stop. I checked my brain with magnetic resonance imaging today and doctor told me that everything is okay with my brain so I am getting paranoid that this hppd thing is starting to kick in. I now feel like my life is pretty much over or ruined, because I read that you can't cure this thing. My mood is changing very fast and I feel somehow empty in this world right now. I need help and I don't know what to do, I feel sad. I am 22 year old male. Thinking about hppd even get these symptoms worse, but I don't know how to not think about it since it disturbed my life so hard.. I am getting really crazy about this and I am worrying that one day if this won't stop I will do something bad to myself.. Sorry if I made some mistakes, English is not my native language. Does anyone have advice what should I do and how should I control my mind so I could worry less about this stuff. I would also like to know if this is hppd or something else if someone could tell me.. Since I am writing this and thinking about hppd it started to feel like it is kicking very hard right now, I feel very worried shit..
  20. I wonder how does this guy feel right now, did it go away?
  21. First: You have not ruined your life. The advice is the same as for everyone else: abstain from all drugs. Even avoid caffeine. Anxiety makes it worse. Thinking about it all the time makes it worse. Try to occupy yourself with things. Hobbies are great. I did around 650 ug my (2nd) last time, and then did a small amount, around 70 ug 8 months later. Haven't done anything since then, even stopped weed which I had smoked almost daily for 6 yrs. Started developing visual snow 6 months later, and then got the rest (palinopsia, floaters, dp/dr, tinnitus, etc.) a year after that. First there is a lot of anxiety because of it, and that definitely makes the dp/dr worse. It has now improved with 95 %. I also got a bad depression after the big trip, and it's also a lot better now. Visuals are still bad, but I definitely don't think as much about them anymore, and life goes on. Things will get better, especially with your attitude, which feels quite positive in the way your write. Most important thing is to keep your anxiety in check, and not let the different symptoms make it worse. You'll be alright.
  22. Brilliant Job. Too bad 50 years have gone by with virtually no attention paid to this problem. Its criminal...
  23. Hey everyone, I just joined this forum and thought I would share my story. I have always been quite a heavy drug user, much more than all my friends. My goal last year was too 'try 1 drug out of every category', and I managed to do that. At the start of this year I only had one more thing to try - psychedelics. The first time I did LSD I was in love. It showed me the beauty of life and let me appreciate myself. It became my favourite drug, but one I didnt partake in very often. My usual dose was 180ug+. I only did it 5 times, but the 4th time I did it was what I think started all this. I stupidly decided to take 400ug of some very potent acid with my friend at his house. We had taken 380ug of acid before, but it wasnt very strong so our view of acid dosage was skewed. This trip was insane. Within 30 minutes the air around me was changing colours and I was tasting colours. Thats the last thing I remember before my abrupt and insane ego death. This experience is burned into my memory. I lived an entire lifetime, and it all felt so real. I died at the end of that life and I had been with my girlfriend for the rest of my life and I became every moment of love we experienced together split into fractals floating through them forever. At first I hated it and couldn't believe this was forever but I came to terms with being these feelings and seeing these fractalised images of my life. I then got to view my friendships and see the base of everyones personality as white orbs. Thats all I can remember right now, but there is alot more. When I came to i was lying on the ground of my friends basement covered in dirt with no idea who i was, who he was and where i was. I created all these stories of what I was doing there and centred on that I was the biggest piece of shit in the world, that everyone hated me and I was just scum. My friend was trying to get through to me and called someone sober to help (he was surprisingly functioning for being on 400ug). Whenever he would tell me someones name I had to grasp the concept of their name and then would ask if that was my name or my friends name. I also constantly asked my friend if he was my girlfriend (woops). My friend would ask me where my phone is and I would pull nothing out of my pocket, say huh and then repeat the exact same action. Eventually my sober friend came and I was starting to come to. I had a nice warm shower to refresh myself and spent the rest of the evening embarrassed watching my friends art transform and watching netflix. Keep in mind this was at least 6 hours since I had 'blacked out'. From my friends perspective I had started walking around his house talking to people that werent there. He video called my other friend to keep and eye on me while he was making food and he would ask me what the time was and i would just say 'time?' and then repeat the word forever. After a while I apparently really quickly got up, opened his back door and made a run for the road. He had to pull me down from jumping over his gate and lock me in his basement. I have no idea where i was going or what I was doing but thank god he was there. After that experience I took an extended break from everything, even weed. I developed really really bad anxiety and depression to the point where I planned my suicide day. Luckily my girlfriend forced me to go to therapy and I am on antidepressants which help to some extent. Then I was going to a sort of rave thing with my friend from my previous trip, and for old times sake we decided to take 70ug. This was wonderful, I fell in love with LSD all over again. We had a great night of flowing to music and I had such a clear headspace (which in hindsight is because I am ALWAYS in the acid headspace). Everyone I talked to thought I was sober, and the visuals didnt phase me at all. I got home from the party and lay in bed super warm and enjoyed listening to music and watching videos. I then decided to hit my weed vape. This is when reality itself defragmented and I was thrown into an almost bad trip. I dont remember what else happened but I ended up taking alot of Quetiapine and falling asleep. After this my HPPD really started I noticed visual snow for a while, but because I have an eating disorder I thought it was just malnutrition as it was similar to what it looks like when I stand up after not eating for a long time. I then noticed it getting stronger and having slight tracers and things like the place where walls and ceilings meet moving. This is when I also started to notice afterimages being very apparent, and how my thought process was so abstract. For a while I thought I was going insane, and maybe I was. But after finding out about HPPD I am still a bit scared but am also coming to terms a bit with it. My main effects are: -Visual Snow (24/7, can barely see anything in dark, very disorienting when i close my eyes and its still there) -Breathing walls and wiggling lines (very very occasional, and honestly doesnt really disturb me alot more intrigues me) -Afterimages (This can be a bit weird and a bit of an issue but whatever) -LSD like thoughts (sometimes this gets to me, and makes me super depressed but sometimes with my uni assignments and just things in general I can think extremely expansive thoughts which help me be more creative) -Light halos + floaters (I had these beforehand) -Depersonalisation - This gets me alot sometimes and If I am alone and not concentrating on anything this can get really bad to the point where it feels like everything is watching me and hating me ready to jump out and get me. I feel almost like I have lost the proper link to my body and am stuck in my mind and am hanging onto my physical body by a thread that could snap at any moment -Anxiety + Depression - I have felt this way most of my life and both of these run in my family but anxiety has been heavily amplified and can get to me alot I am just now getting over the feeling that I have ruined my life at 18. I am trying to come to terms with this and sometimes it still scares me but my life isn't too terrible. My anxiety is quite bad but I may be able to get medication to help that as anxiety is a family issue. I still really do hope this does all go away someday though. I am very excited to join this community and meet people facing the same thing and I hope you are all doing well. Thanks, DanK
  24. Your absolutely right, That's been my absolute largest struggle is finding a single psychiatrist out there who actually listens to what most of us HPPD'ers have to say without brushing us off with seroquel or olanzapine. My original intention with this thread was to be a quick go to reference for something that most doctors or psychiatrists would easily prescribe in a bind for those experiencing a struggle with HPPD as I most certainly have. I suppose that goes in line with the nature of an ever evolving forum and userbase. Proper moderation is more than welcome.
  25. Thanks for commenting, this is really helpful. I’ll just wait it out a few months and see if it gets any better. Also I’m not sure about the visual snow thing since my normal vision has always been kind of static, but I haven’t noticed a change since I took acid so I’m guessing it’s just normal.
  26. Yeah, but I’m pretty sure I’ve had it for my entire life so I don’t really see it as a symptom of anything.
  27. Mike, ACAD in Oct 2012 right? If you dont know, then ignore. But I think it was.
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