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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum

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  1. Today
  2. jbalsa2

    Feeling much better.

    I've found SSRI's have always made my visuals significantly worse, as well as potentiating the feeling of having HPPD in your body. Just take it easy on the benzos, eventually the day will come that they stop working, or that you'll have to stop taking them which will trigger a relapse that's worse then when you first ever got HPPD.
  3. Dsudberry88

    Feeling much better.

    Yeah I’ve been going through a hell of a hppd relapse. Don’t even know how my hppd got worse. It seemed just from anxiety everything got way worse. I’ve been fighting my way back. My dp/dr is just so hard to live with. I feel so wierd everyday and a lot of wierd sensations all day. I wish I could just cure the dp/dr. It’s the worst part for me. The only thing that helps is benzos. Which right now I’m only taking 2mg of Ativan usually. I want to get put back on kolonopin I’m hoping my doctor prescribes it to me at my next appointment. That’s what I was on before and I believe it helped me feel a lot better. I’m also taking 10mg lexapro and 200mg lamotrigine. Which I was wondering if the lexapro could make it worse?
  4. Hey all! It's been a while since I've been on HPPDOnline, how's everyone doing? Going on a year and a half now with having HPPD, everything has gotten better visual symptoms wise. I see less of all my symptoms! Only thing now that has been of a recent development is a constant depersonalization and general sadness. I attribute most of it to the fact of me going to college soon and there's been an abundance of stress on my shoulders. I get small pains here and there in my neck and my lower back, it's been pretty rough since Junior year last year. I haven't touched any drugs or drank since I got HPPD, so there's at least one thing I am not fucking up. I got accepted into a college recently, saying they would give me 16k a year to attend, so I am happy about that. My general support group among friends is good, I can rely on people and they can rely on me. Sorry for typing this out like a diary, but it was nice to type this all out. I've been producing my own beats lately, and that's been a lot of fun. An outlet to let out creativity is always a good time. Sorry for the rambling and if you're reading this, thank you for taking the time out of your day to read this! Till next time, Andrew G
  5. Yesterday
  6. Jagermeister

    NeuroSteroids

    I'm taking Dexamethasone 1mg each week. It's so so amazing for me... Make my brain fog dissapear for literally 3-5 days. I got the dexamethasone by myself.
  7. VisualDude

    NeuroSteroids

    What toxin were you 'exposed' to if you don't mind my asking? Under what circumstance? It was something like rubber-cement glue that affixes commercial carpet to concrete. I don't believe Caucasians are racists, except when there's personal hate involved. Was referring to Mormons. They used to believe the dark skin was a curse from God because of Cain. Perhaps their belief system has changed since my mother was one.
  8. 214

    NeuroSteroids

    I don't believe Caucasians are racists, except when there's personal hate involved.
  9. Somebody tipped me off: AA are forced to have the "higher power" crap in order to go sober. They are forced by the religious cult known as "Psychiatry". I've heard about something completely different, called "The Sinclair Method" which involves Naltrexone and it looks like good medicine, at least to me.
  10. 214

    HPPD?! Scared! Would love to hear your opinion!

    HPPD is not scary at all; the fear and terror must come from DP/DR.
  11. Here's an example of Totally Terminal Transport.
  12. MadDoc

    HPPD and Weed

    I used to thrive on weed. That is until I realized that I had contracted this disorder. I can't touch it, and haven't for a long time. Weed makes my visuals act up and puts the rational mind into a tailspin. Weird, it's legal where I live now and I have zero interest.
  13. MadDoc

    HPPD for 48 years

    I've been dealing with this for 40+ years. It became apparent around 1979, but in retrospect the signs were there as early as 74. How have you dealt over the years?
  14. MadDoc

    I need to talk someone

    There are a lot of open ears here.
  15. Last week
  16. curiouscheese86

    HPPD Survey RESULTS!

    Here is the HPPD Research Survey, 123 total responses before it ended. https://goo.gl/oxfghN (Graph results) https://docdro.id/084VEVY (PDF, text format) We are also working on some sort of Academic paper coming out soon, with a few people involved. I understand some of the results might be hard to see since there is a lot of custom responses. But I hope you find it interesting and knowledgeable none the less. Cheers!
  17. You mention muscle tightness, causing sharp pains. Weird. I originally noticed/got my HPPD 2 weeks after I quit my smoking habit 15+ bowls a day, 2 years on maybe, I'm young. Anyways, I was getting really sharp pains up my flanks and in my chest, Doctors thought it was a viral thing, it was the reason I stopped smoking, I feared it was lungs. Anyways I went to deep needle therapy for the pain and she said muscle /diaphragm tightness and said drink heaps of water, deep breathing and magnesium, It eventually went away. But I thought it was completed unrelated to HPPD, maybe it wasn't.
  18. jbalsa2

    NeuroSteroids

    Lmao what I read "My dad might be my sisters uncle but I have some swedish and scandinavian in there" hahaha. Just kidding of course. Yeah my dad has it in a much more noticeable way, but his doesn't cause him the social impairment that mine causes me. For what it's worth a tiny bit of cocaine makes me much more socially functional, to a point, but if I exceed a certain amount it has the opposite effect. Sadly my doctor just tells me that like any other illness, borderline personality disorder exists on a spectrum and I just happen to be on the more affected side of that spectrum. It was like pulling teeth getting him to prescribe me keppra, and he downright refuses to let me try naltrexone. Yeah i'm on keppra 1000mg/day, and it makes me extremely somnolent, like so tired I struggle to lift my limbs out of my seat if I have to get up. But as time goes on my body gets more accustomed to it and i'm not as tired. Keep in mind that process has taken many months. What toxin were you 'exposed' to if you don't mind my asking? Under what circumstance?
  19. VisualDude

    NeuroSteroids

    Maybe we're related, lol. Some of my ancestors were follower of Joseph Smith (Mormon) who practiced polygamy. So with polygamy, must be related to the whole Caucasian population (they were racist so only whites) at least from a cousin standpoint. There was a Swedish member here who had similar med response and I do have some Scandinavian. But who knows. The social thing is real pain in the butt. Ironically, my best friend had an autistic boy so it probably made it easier to be around me. Unfortunately he moved away. With DHT I began to understand others behavioral response toward me and it makes me cringe with embarrassment as the problems were my own making. But at least I know now and never had tried to be a jerk, it just came natural, lol. At times the flood of emotions was overwhelming. Had to discontinue but due to plasticity, the brain now has a reference and I retain some benefit. This makes the third med that changed things permanently, the others being Sinemet and cabergoline. I still need them overall but at lower doses. So the whole 'feeling' thing motivated me to start this thread. The blip you mention involves D2 receptors though no doubt much more. So you can try to Google stuff regarding D2, dopamine, social function, etc. And might find some good stuff to contribute. If you live outside the USA, you might find stuff we can't get here. A couple Docs told me that when they travel overseas, they can get a lot more info on the internet. Apparently content is somewhat controlled here - so much for the illusion of freedom. Genetics can influence med responses. You would have to try some of the same things to see. Its hard to get doctor to prescribe. Took 6 years to get cabergoline and longer to get DHT. I've taken Keppra and its very sedative. Unfortunately for me the dose needed to be increased and then when decreasing, muscle spasms return with a vengeance. It has to do with acytlecholine. [Addendum] Re: Genetics. There were a couple hundred people exposed to the toxin that damaged me. But only 4 developed overt neurological problems. A pattern that may be involved involves dopamine. I have always had moderate ADD. Another fellow affected also had moderate ADD. A lady affected had severe ADD. And the last person had early Parkinson's disease. So the toxin seems to have affected mainly those with dopamine functional defects that are genetic.
  20. yeah see my last trip on acid was like mid november last year, and i never noticed any, and i mean any symptoms of hppd until about 2 months ago and the only drug other than caffine i had in that year span was an ambien maybe 1 week before it started kicking in, so i was just trying to figure out what kinda jump started it. side note: i will say i was an avid gym goer and would take pre workout with loads of caffine and while on it i noticed visual snow and i just thought it was due to the caffine (no other symptoms came with the vs on pre workout) so looking abck now yeah i may have had very very very and i mean very mild case of hppd cause i felt and saw perfectly normal until the ambien.
  21. If anybody has any history of autoimmunity please say so. I've been wondering a lot about this lately since I've been battling all kinds of autoimmune issues. I also have autoimmunity running on both sides of my family. At the heart of autoimmunity is the simple fact that our bodies have developed incredible defense mechanisms to fight naturally occurring diseases over the course of millions of years but ever since the Neolithic Revolution and the invention of agriculture we've been putting things into our bodies that our bodies don't recognize and so our defense systems logically ramp up. Modern drugs firmly fit into this category. Our bodies have not evolved to recognize many of the street drugs that are notorious for giving people HPPD. Perhaps someone who knows more about this subject could chime in?
  22. jbalsa2

    NeuroSteroids

    Wow thats actually really funny. I've said that exact thing too... kind of like a little autistic but not really. Don't mean to derail the topic but I read that little bit, and in my head im thinking wow I thought I was the only one. I got it from my dad as well. Like a little tiny neurological blip in the way my brain functions that causes me to be extremely highly functional but also completely cognitively ignorant of social cues, and behaviours - or hints. I just don't respond and carry on as if it hadn't happened. (Mine became 10x worse when I got HPPD versus before I had it)
  23. VisualDude

    NeuroSteroids

    Yea, you were probably on cortisol as it helps lungs and things in that case. I was a little pre and had breathing problems for 4 months (turn blue and needed to be revived). Don't know all what that did but it could not have helped, lol. My social cue thing is genetic from my dad's side but I have it worse. So never have known otherwise. Kind of autistic like but not that. The visual damage was from a chemical exposure. Eyesight was great before. However other problems were magnified. I do well with dopamine meds and a little gabapentin and klonopin. One dopamine med, cabergoline, gave me the first taste of reading social cues besides the 'loud' ones like anger. Cabergoline is a strong D2 agonist. Recently, DHT further help visual problems and introduced feeling emotions that I began 'reading'. Cabergoline helped just the intellectual aspect. Curiously, DHT also influences D2 receptor function. Can't help wondering if others would benefit at least regarding DP/DR and some visual aspects of HPPD. Sexual function as well. Can I really be so unique? It would seem unlikely.
  24. jbalsa2

    I think I have HPPD of some sort and need help

    Oh christ no, you'll learn to adapt. For me i've certainly had to make some changes to my life - but I have used this as an experience to redirect my life in a slightly different direction. For what it's worth, I take 1000mg of Keppra a day, which really helps me with my depersonalization and derealization. Give yourself time - it could take years, but youl get better. Just keep your nose clean, if you know what I mean.
  25. imZanderr

    I think I have HPPD of some sort and need help

    Thank you, I’m just paranoid I fucked up my brain forever and it will only get worse over time leading to a life of meaningless
  26. jbalsa2

    NeuroSteroids

    @VisualDude no experience using neurosteroids - I was on enough of them as a baby having been born 3 months premature. 😂 On an unrelated but related note - has HPPD destroyed your ability to read and respond to subtle social cues? Mine certainly has, however my doc has diagnosed it as borderline personality disorder or a complication from being born premature.
  27. jbalsa2

    I think I have HPPD of some sort and need help

    They'll become much less of a burden on your mental state as time goes on - let me put it this way, i've had HPPD for 3 years now and I drink every weekend, among other things. At the very onset of my HPPD I couldn't leave my room. So - yes things will improve over time.
  28. imZanderr

    I think I have HPPD of some sort and need help

    Also, will I ever be able to drink alcohol again?
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