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  3. I'm just going to assume you've tried all the usual suspects for anxiety?
  4. Good to hear. We're all probably going to get sick or deal with an illness at some point in our lives (the whole Buddhist aging, sickness, and dying thing)...better to have faced that stuff now to know our strength. I believe you will continue to heal until you no longer think about this disorder and it becomes a footnote in your life.
  5. I won't agree because you aren't a neuroscientist and I don't think you know what you're talking about. I read the entire thread. I play devils advocate and remain skeptical in the name of science and finding answers. For that I'm attacked as somehow denying reality because it's my way of dealing with brain damage...or something. The most plausible theory we have of how psychedelics work in the brain is that they desynchronize certain brain regions, altering the brain waves and magnetic field around the brain. Why couldn't that be off or altered in some way? Why does it have to be cell death caused by glutamate excitotoxicity? You don't get to determine who's a productive member of this forum and who isn't. You've already been banned once for insulting people, so I don't really think you have any leg to stand on like you're this paragon of civility and tolerance on this forum.
  6. Thanks for all the help everyone, love this community, were all in this together!
  7. Thank you for your insight, im doing better now. I have since stopped taking zoloft, i was also experiencing sexual side affects and they have since ceased. No long term issues were caused by zoloft im doing well. Ill check out selfhacked sounds interesting!
  8. Vasodilators ? Anyone tried that ? If we follow the Default Mode Network theory, hallucinogens act as vasoconstrictors on certain parts of the brain, lowering blood flow, thus inducing ego death. Now, if we say DP/DR is like a mini-ego death, could we reverse the process, at least temporarily, using a vasodilator ? I wouldn't recommend Viagra however. It can mess up with visual processing. Not the best for us. Just my 0.02.
  9. How much time did your VS last ?
  10. It's nice to hear a positive report ! I really hope you will heal, at least heal to something manageable. We all deserve to heal, I think we all suffered enough because of our mistakes.
  11. It just isnt available as a prescription. You can buy it on ceretropic I believe. I almost did last October and didn’t for whatever reason.
  12. I thought about them but its substance and i read about the side effects so , i can mange with my correct condition , anyway only at night it worse
  13. Have you tried any of the usual meds ? Lamictal, Keppra etc ?
  14. Yes i know , and its not getting better the visuals, the parnoia i had in the beginning went away , i did mri 3 weeks ago I’m still waiting for my answer, maybe it wil help to see if something happened there
  15. No bro i have been cleaned for 1 year
  16. @danjoking are you still using weed ?
  17. Everybody machine works different, mine the most disturbing thing is the visual, and emotion numbness felling(i cant feel like normal person) i have not anxiety, like the old times , I miss this shit it feel me more alive , nowadays it’s semms my visual at night getting worst overtime(trailing motion only works with led , lights especially cars ), and i only had used weed and alcohol, thats a shit story for me , eventually I’m still in process im on my 4 month cleaner, i hope i will have successfully recovery both visual and emotion , like the old me .
  18. I got HPPD three years ago now. I've made many posts here during that span and have tried to make a post every year around my anniversary. I'm a little late on this one but I actually take that as a good sign. It means I'm not as obsessed with my condition and therefore am getting better. I guess I've already said everything I need to in other posts. I can't really summarize everything that's happened to me over the last three years without writing a book. There's just so much that's happened ever since getting HPPD. I've had all kinds of additional health problems since and am currently in the process of dealing with another health issue that's really taken a great toll on my life. It's just crazy looking back now after three years. I'm not even the same person. I've learned so much about myself, my family, my health history, the world, life, everything. It's crazy to say but this whole experience has absolutely made me a more complete person. I really think my brain had faulty wiring from an early age and that, as painful as this experience has been (I wouldn't wish it on anybody in the history of the world), it was necessary for me to finally face my past and overcome demons that had haunted me silently since the day I was born. I still have many visual problems but they're very manageable now and don't really interfere with my daily routine, which is absolutely remarkable to say -- just absolutely astonishing considering how bad my HPPD and DP were even a few years ago. I truly had a terrible case of HPPD. My brain just totally crapped out. The amount of pain I've had to deal with every day for the last three years is nothing short of inhumane and mind blowing, to be quite honest. So the fact I'm able to cope with HPPD after all this is truly astonishing. It just goes to show that this condition is something you can heal from, although it takes more work than you could have ever imagined. If you want to get better you have to eat real food, exercise every day, do as many healthy habits as you can fit into your day, and most importantly you have to never give in or never give up. If I had a dollar for every time I thought of killing myself over the last three years I'd be a very wealthy man. But I never did. And look where I'm at now. I'm so happy to be alive and I feel like I'm seeing the world through a totally different set of eyes and a brain that very few people on this planet would understand. Life is so beautiful, and it's only that way because of what I've been through. Anyway, I imagine I've got another two or three years before I can say I'm totally healed, and I honestly may never be quite 100 percent again, but I'm OK with that. I'm just so grateful to even be alive at this point, I'll take anything I can get. If anybody has questions I can try and answer below. I think I have a pretty good idea of what HPPD is and how to cope and heal, but of course I'm no doctor and neither is anybody here. But I do think it's important to keep this community alive and pass on knowledge so others may benefit. As long as you stay away from drugs, eat healthy, exercise, remain mindful day in and day out, I think you'll give yourself a great shot at recovery.
  19. What happens is that LSD and other hallucinogens diminish the flow of blood going to certain parts of the brain (hippocampus or hippothalamus ? Or both ? Don't remember), that's why the DNM is not working properly or completely turned off (in the case of an ego-death for example). I always thought this to be the most logical theory to DP/DR since it's basically the same thing : feeling of detachment of one's self from it's own brain, and the outside world. For example for me, I never had ego death during acid trips, and never had DP/DR. Looks like some people are more sensitive to this than others.
  20. Curious if anybody's heard some of Michael Pollan's interviews for his new book on psychedelics, and if so what your opinion is. Here's a good interview he did for Fresh Air: https://www.npr.org/programs/fresh-air/2018/05/15/611301978/fresh-air-for-may-15-2018-michael-pollan-on-the-new-science-of-psychedelics?showDate=2018-05-15 I've long subscribed to the glutamate toxicity theory as has been mentioned above, however I've always remained open to other ideas if they made sense. The only thing I feel pretty comfortable saying is that HPPD is the result of axon damage or death to some degree across multiple areas of the brain, likely in the limbic system and likely in connection with the parasympathetic or sympathetic nervous system. I think which nervous system is damaged depends on how the damage occurred, however. For example, excitotoxicity would likely affect the sympathetic given fight or flight is stimulatory while a stroke of some kind would be parasympathetic. One thing I find interesting in listening to Pollan's interviews is his repeated mentioning of the Default Mode Network (DMN) and how during psychedelic trips it basically goes offline. Depersonalization symptoms are essentially the result of a malfunctioning or nonexistant DMN and given the connection between DP and HPPD it's not too far of a jump to suggest HPPD is the result of a damaged DMN or simply one that never reboots due to lost connections or damaged axons. Many parts of the brain are connected through lengthy axons and I'm wondering if during the downregulation of the DMN when bloodflow decreases some of these axons are damaged via stroke of some kind. Also, with regards to glutamate, one of the biggest triggers for excess glutamate inside the brain is inflammation. If you eat a diet high in bread (wheat being the most inflammatory food known to man), oils and other inflammatory foods (essentially the standard American and Westernized diets) then your chances of having some sort of autoimmunity sky rocket. I also don't think we should entirely rule out the hypothesis that HPPD could be the result of our brains attacking our own brains after the ingestion of drugs which could very well mimic invaders our brains are already used to attacking.
  21. For now sedatives work just fine. Anything thats relaxing to the nervous system. GABA agonists of course, like benzos, or natural ones if you can find any. Lemon balm always helped my anxiety and I pretty much carry it with me everywhere I go. I've noticed that cowslip, which is good for sleeping, if I drink it at night the next day my anxiety is not so bad, but cowslip is hard to find so its not the best choice really. As for visuals I cant really comment because mine eventually went away and so did the DR/DP. Unless I drink A LOT of coffee then the DR/DP comes back slightly. I'm working on some other things but nothing that I will post on here as of yet. If I think of anything else I'll let you know.
  22. “Danjoking, you're right. I apologize for my behavior” - TheMythos Yah post it if you want, it’s beneficial to compile all information we can. To be honest though I think everything is pretty much summed up and come to an end as far as the cause of HPPD. If you haven’t read the last couple pages, it’s gone over pretty thoroughly. Not that you’ll agree. Also please do not be rude to productive members like dayum_son.
  23. No not really. For me personally though I don’t think the visual sector of my brain was affected as much as others. My anxiety was the worst by far and still is. I never got halos or drifters. Tbh I would trade you any day for the visual snow vs my anxiety, so be grateful lol. The visual snow also didn’t even set in for a couple weeks so idk, it could have even just been a symptom of rewiring. It also could have been from the scar formation process or the phagocytes cleaning up etc. who knows, but I haven t had any visual snow for years.
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  25. I think quitting smoking is one of the most difficult things I've ever done. I lost my mind for a month. I have a friend who quit smoking crack ten years ago, but can't quit smoking. Congratulations!
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