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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum

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  1. Today
  2. Im doing some simple neck stretches for a week and im going straight for a month. Im going to be posting the results as well. I have read some amazing results between neck/overall posture and vs. Even if my other symptoms stay the same, at least vs(which is a hell of a symptom) will be reduced, as people who tried this say. Be safe guys and remember that you are never hopeless! If somebody feels that way, hit my dm!!!
  3. I've seen many recommend it in these forums and other places, like Reddit. Though there are also examples of people getting worse symptoms from clonazepam.
  4. I've had a acupuncturer for several years, long before I developed any symptoms. Now that my symptoms have gone from bad to worse past months I've had a couple of interesting experiences with physical stimulation and my visual disturbances. Beginning of Mars I had pretty bad photophobia. During a treatment at my acupuncturer my eyes started flashing. I don't normally have this flashing but the treatment triggered it. He also noticed my third vertebrae was slightly out of place and recommended me to go see a chiropractor. So week after I saw one that gave me a treatment on the vertebrae. Later the same day my photophobia improved by 50 %. In comparison, the day before I was unable to do work in front of my laptop in the evening, the next day I was able to. After a few more treatments my photophobia has improved with 90 %. It could though also be correlated with me stopping with my pharmaceuticals about the same time but the change was so noticeable and closely correlated with the treatment. During my third chiropractor treatment I also saw glowing worms in my eye sight. Not something I've seen otherwise either. The treatments haven't helped me with any other symptoms (VS, palinopsia, floaters, tinnitus) this far but I still find it worth trying, because of the correlation. (I have a layman's theory on this, neck issues, TMJD, VS, CEVs that I'll post about in the forum in a day or two.)
  5. Yesterday
  6. You have nothing to lose. Maybe contacting a doctor once you feel ready for it.
  7. Hi guys. Im apparently new to the forum, so i want to start by explaining my story and how and why i got here. Im 16 years old and as you can imagine, people between that age aren't very concerned about their health or anything in general. Even though i was a kid who liked exercising or working out i was also very curious on trying drugs like weed . About a year ago, my mom got cancer but i couldn't feel anything, like i had no fear that she was going to die(i hadnt tried any drug in my life, not even tobacco or alcohol), feeling like im some kind of numb, not having empathy (which scared me because i was that kid who would be concerned about anything related to his family.) A couple months later, i started feeling more lost. I had lost the days and i didnt care at all . I was depressed but i didnt want to realize it. I couldn't accept the fact that something was wrong about my mental health at that point. After my vacation between December and January, i came back, again kinda numb. School was closed for Christmas and would open soon. As school opened, my friend asked me if i want to smoke some weed with his friends. Not even thinking about it, i answered, why not? The next couple of weeks i would smoke about 2-3 bong hits a week(nothing more). And yet i wasnt feeling high(maybe because of the dosage) . So one day i made a stupid desicion to get as high as possible(at that point i hadnt get a single high feeling in my life, not even from the bong hits). I started smoking and taking bong hits. I ate nothing. Fifteen minutes later i was kinda confused. I would be so stupid that i couldn't even think of simple things. I started to realize that i was high and it felt cool, for the first minutes. 2 minutes later i started feeling like i was in a boat, like i was lost and dizzy. Suddenly, my vision started to have some wierd black dots everywhere . I had a blackout and a bad panic attack . The high was so strong that i couldn't control or see anything for a couple of seconds(idk if that sounds a bit unrealistic but im trying to explain everything as it went through). After that seconds, i took control over my body, but it was like i was in a lucid dream. Like i was a camera, like i was observing the world through the tiniest tv screen . I felt my body strange. I would touch things and feel them after 2 to 3 seconds . I was so confused and anxious . My friends had freaked out because nothing similar didnt happen to them ever .i lost my mind, i got paranoid that this thing would last forever, like i was going to live the rest of my life like this. 2 hours later i wasn't high no more, but something felt strange. I went to sleep and i remember being between sleep and awake. I was so lost that night. I was having a dream of getting paranoid while i was also partly awake. The morning came and yet i was lost. I had black dots around my visual field, I couldn't see the walls clearly, like if they had some light everywhere in them. Moving my eyes from a shiny direction to another, i would see the previous image blurry for a couple of seconds. All that combined scared the shit out of me making me more paranoid about everything. I started feel like i was fake, everything seemed like a dream, my body felt like it wasnt mine. I got home after school and i remember having a nap caude i was to tired. Again, i couldn't sleep, i was somewhere between sleep and awake, lost. I woke up feeling like i was a stranger to everything. I had delay on touching things like when i was high. Im not gonna lie, i thought i was in a dream again. That night i explained my parents everything and they were very helpful. The next days my symptoms got worse. My anxiety increased and i had some terrible panic attacks. I would see those black dots everywhere ( when i would wake up in the morning they were moving fast as hell), and a little tinnitus. After a couple of days i would have that delay over the things i touch for some minutes and that was kinda annoying and unexplainable to me . I started observing around and seeing some small halos around people. The first couple of months was literally HELL. Suicide was the only option, i would tell to myself. Everyday i was overanalyzing everything. My walk, the way i talk, how am i able to see humans everyday without observing everything they do and all that insane stuff. It became i habit. Every single day 24/7 checking in to see whats wrong , if im going to be like this for the rest of my life. I went to therapists but they didnt help. They wouldn't diagnose anything. I had an mri and still nothing. I was feeling so unaware of everything. Being in autopilot. I also started homeopathy but it didnt help. My visual symptoms stayed the same 24/7 . The only time the were worse , it was when i was waking up(stayed for 10-15 minutes and then back to normal). 2 months got by without me doing nothing except of overanalyzing every single detail of me, my movements everything.it was that time that i couldn't take it anymore. I started running once a week . It did help with my anxiety (not my visual symptoms though. They were the same all the time.) I also started to taking cold showers. Amazing . Simply amazing for my mental state. It was so difficult at first but i tried and trying my best not to care about jt . I would gonto school and starting to get mote sociable,although feeling lost cause of my vision, but i tried not to care at all(it helped). Now im 4 months after that terrible experience and im way better with the dpdr thing. The only thing that remains is the visual symptoms and the feeling that im in a moving boat. They scare me sometimes causing me panic attacks. I hope that time will heal me and all that people that feeling hopeless. Remember guys, you are not hopeless. You will never be. I was hopeless for months and i did nothing. I AM BETTER. even though my vs and all that hppd symptoms are still there im in a way better mental state than i was. If someone is feeling hopeless or wants to talk, feel free to hit my dm anytime. That was my story . Hope u people found ot helpful. It surely release some kind of a tension to me! Stay safe
  8. Hey man, sorry for bothering but did it help? Im very curious on trying it.
  9. On that note, and i know you are not keen to keep testing meds, but it might be worth trying a few different benzos to see which works for you. Lorazepam, for instance, makes me quite manic. Valium and Klono work wonders. Xanax makes me too forgetful.
  10. Might look up how people with schizophrenia deal with those symptoms and apply that to myself??
  11. Yeah nah I fully get you, it's something that does worry me. It feels less scary now I see and hear him.less. When i say hear though it's more like my own voice in my head, just not my voice and not what I want to think. Felt like schizophrenia would be more a voice detached from myself? But as I've not heard anyone mention similar stuff Its always confused me. Not sure if the two are differentiated and not sure how I could find that out..... bit of a sticky one tbh. I may go to the doctors when I'm 18. But at the same time this is an issue I want to try and solve and fix or cope with without some medicine that may help but also make me not me. Confusion and un-sure-what-to-actually-do is where I'm at...
  12. @justhere Hey, just like everyone else has been saying: hang in there and never give up on life. I know it sounds redundant or repetitive but if you keep repeating it to yourself you can trick your mind into believing it and give yourself the willpower. Side question: Could you elaborate on how clonazepam made symptoms worse? For me and quite a few others it does wonders with helping with visuals, anxiety, dpdr so I'm interested to hear on your experience with it.
  13. Last week
  14. I don't want to make you more worried but I think it is important to always talk all plausible possibilities of certain symptoms so people with HPPD can get proper treatment. When I saw your pictures and also some of the things you said you experience actually made me think of schizophrenia. But there are also a lot of other symptoms related to schizophrenia so it really does not have to have anything to do with it but who knows what psychedelics might sometimes trigger. Maybe there could be something there for you to further investigate, and maybe even find something that could help you out with the violent imagery. Or maybe not. I am just a layman so take my feedback as it is.
  15. Yes. Along with the visuals and dpdr came the moodcyles and this guy. Luckily he's less prevalent as a guy now , It's more become violent visions. Maybe a coincidence, but I think as it's all part of the same bit of the cycle they're different manifestations of the same emotional state.
  16. I took a tab of AL-LAD, which from looking on drug test websites could have contained some other weird chems. I had a very intense trip that lasted around 16 hours. Around 3 weeks afterwards I started noticing visuals. It's all kind of spiralled down from then on. That was just over 2 years ago now.
  17. Panic attacks/anxiety can in return create dp/dr. I have a long history of it already before hppd.
  18. Yep... I'm not even against it in the slightest (I've seen a depressed friend go from suicidal to pretty much cured from Ketamine treatment)... But the goldrush scares me and it is being marketed or spoke about as a "safe" alternative.
  19. Hi, So ontop of the very standard visual based and dpdr like symptoms, I have gained a few others that are now more the issue for me (not that the rest is fun) First of all when i first got hppd i met a guy in my head, ive called him Khash. I used to see him places, like just his face in the clouds or hiding in some bushes etc. He says mean things and would make me feel horrible. I see him less now, and hes quieter i guess. Hes still there i feel him. In the mood cycle when he comes, he can be really horrible. Telling me how stupid i am and that i should just die. And once i was in the common room at Sixth Form and he was telling me how i hated everyone and wanted to kill them all, and i watched myself do it over and over but more on that later. The guy is just horrible and i hate feeling controlled. on the same occasion as i just mentioned, the head pressure became immense and i felt my head morph into his. Ive attached pictures of Khash, along with some self portraits. (khash has a head shape like that of an eye) I get really obvious mood swings...buzzyy...melty...khash....buzzy.....melty....khash... etc. Buzzy i get super over excited and very giddy/childish and feel like i could run for miles. Melty i feel like im on a fuck tonne of opiates and reality just melts and i melt and hppd-y visuals become worse than in the other 2 phases. Khash is the mean one.. sometimes hes there.... sometimes hes not, regardless i feel shit and get all of these violent horrible visions.... I get them whenever, walking down the street, eating dinner, at school. Theres always so much blood and either i kill myself or kill someone or get killed or watch death or brutal violence or rape or mutilation. and i cant stop it and i want to cry it makes me feel sick, its fucked. Sometimes i see shit that isnt real and it freaks me out so much. e.g i see/feel spiders everywhere and i cant get them off and i panic and its so scary man. and kind of in line with dpdr.... Im def not real and no one else is for that matter. Any one like relate or anything.i feel so fucking alone man.
  20. Thank you for posting. The fact that your symptoms are improving is great news! Keep posting to let people know what's working for you. It might help someone else in the future.
  21. @justhere Never give into the negative messages the mind sends to your conciseness. Nothing wants you "dead". Keep fighting! Show this disorder that you're not going to give up. There are times when things seem bleak and depression takes hold. I understand that. It can take a while to find what coping mechanisms work for you. You'll find them as long as you keep trying. Hang in there, NEVER give up!
  22. For me, it's just the opposite. In the morning I don't notice my symptoms as much. As the day wears on and stress accumulates, the visuals get more intrusive.
  23. @Jay1 I couldn't agree more. Drugs like LSD and MDMA seem to help some people. However, it needs to approached carefully, be monitored, and combined with more traditional therapies. Regulation and accountability of the care provider should be carefully monitored.
  24. I basically got my doctor to prescribe lamotrigine through persistence mainly. I also brought in reputable medical reports and case studies of where lamotrigine was successful and so eventually he abided to prescribing me it.
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