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Today the anxiety hit me really hard and I'm crying as I'm typing this. I don't want to be dramatic but this is the only place I can talk to people about this. Something reminded me how much my family doesn't understand and I don't know why they jump to conclusions. My mom constantly nags me. I know she means well, it's just really stressful. It always ends in me yelling, "I can't see!!!" And she doesn't get that.

I'm so tired of this. Only 7 months in this hellhole but it's just really getting to me.

DR and visuals have been hitting me harder. My dreams are a complete blur and the drowning feeling is growing.

Anyone know if turmeric helps? We put a lot of it in our food since I'm Afghan and just wanted to know if it helps with the healing of the brain.

Also, thinking of getting a catscan and is it worth the money? Maybe the doctors can help?

Worst part is I'm really craving coke and pills.


I don't really think I have anyone to talk about this stuff with. HPPD has taken over my life for almost 6 months. The visual symptoms have completely turned my life upside-down and no one understands. I spend days crying and I feel like I'm drowning. I had just graduated high school on June 12th and went to Disneyland on the 13th with my class. On the 14th, a friend and I partied way too hard and mixed multiple drugs and I had woken up with the visual symptoms and the rest was history...

Until I realized this was more serious. I have 20/20 vision. My eyes have been tested recently and they are the same number. However, I have visual snow, see halos, shadows, and after images. I cannot handle it anymore. I can't tell my parents, I had to drop all my college classes too and it was my first semester. I am so close to choosing to end my life, I feel so suffocated. On top of that, I am a recovering coke addict and I know I can't use anything if I want any chance of recovery from HPPD. I just feel so alone, will the visuals eventually disappear?

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